mini-rant

one last note - facebook seems a den of poor spelling.

a pox on everyone who puts an apostrophe in "cheers!"

ugh

New Years 2008

I just treated myself to a long bath, as Declan played with some toys on the bathroom floor beside the tub. I even washed my hair - washing my hair in the tub is not exactly my preferred method, but now that my hair is short, I can do it without danging my mane in the drain, so that's an improvement, anyway. As I lounged in the tub and watched Dec play a very involved game of his own invention involving my student ID and a wash cloth, I wondered why I had spent money on toys. Oh well - he was having fun, and we had a little of much needed R&R time.

After I finish blogging, etc, Dec and I have a date on the futon. I shall have hot chocolate and popcorn and he'll nurse while we watch When Harry Met Sally... (my favourite of holiday traditions). Perhaps I'll watch Sense and Sensibility after, for some deep muscle relaxation. Hopefully, he'll sleep eventually, and then I can get back to work on the dissertation. What a way to ring in the new year! Still, nearly finished a chapter, and I think it's actually pretty darned good. So, there are certainly worse ways to welcome in 2009.

I think I shall call Murph at midnight. It isn't as good as a kiss, but it will have to do.

As per convention, I have some resolutions to share again this year. Now, my life is not exactly awash with sinful pleasures these days, so there isn't much by way of bad habits on this list. Still, here are some things that will require will power and dedication.

In no particular order:

1) I will finish this dissertation and my degree requirements by New Years 2009.
2) I will seriously attempt in the next 8 months to find some sort of teaching work.
3) I will publish at least one thing connected to this dissertation this year.
4) I will be more careful with my time, energy and money, and keep the apartment cleaner and myself healthier. (This is a vague one, but it is always good to add some discipline to one's life.)
5) I will do everything I can to bring Murph home by summer.

There are other tidbits I could mention, such as growing out my hair - but I refuse to list a biological function as a resolution. It seems like a cop-out. In general, though, those resolutions encompass my concerns for the year. Here's to sticking to them!

Now, I hear Declan ripping some of my research up, so I must fly and make my cocoa. He's a demanding date, that's for sure.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ONE AND ALL!

Merry Christmas!

whoring out NORAD

I hate-hate-hate the Santa lie. We are listening to the radio now, and they are going through the "Santa is in Asia, according to NORAD" thing. Blah. I will be faced with explaining to Declan that the media-institutional conspiracy to lie to children does not mean the world is a deceitful lie-pocket, and that he can still risk trusting some of it - within reason.

I will try my damnedest to not ruin the illusions for your child, so why force them on mine?

No wonder the last few generations have been depressed, conspiracy-seeing, paranoid dicks. Once you realize the entire world came together to force a behaviour-control lie on you from birth, what else can you really rely on?

Can't wait for Christmas to be over with.

Oh Holy Frig, What Did I Do?!?!

I just cut my hair off - it's about the same length and style as the old iconic Anne Frank school photo. I may cry forever.

My hair was just too tangled and matted to save - a baby all by myself, and no time to shower or brush the stuff... It was a goner.

So now I am feeling the wind on the back of my neck for the first time in... 18 years, I guess...?

Man, this is so depressing.

gloomy

I'm feeling low these days.

Nothing to do about that but press on, though, right?

Happy Hanukkah!

tee hee

working for a buck

up since 6 getting ready for work. blah.

working

Today, and a few days next week, I work with the accessible learning exams centre for some extra scratch. It'll be nice to get out and earn some extra dough for the lean times between TA contract pay checks, but I am a bit freaked out about leaving Declan for so many hours this week (6 hours) and next (about 10hrs). Oh well, I know he'll be in good hands - it is only my own guilt and feelings of missing out I have to deal with.

I hope we can make it up in serious quality time this holiday break, between bouts of me working furiously trying to get my lame duck of a dissertation back on track.

sigh

Crap

Watched my first (and hopefully last) epsiode of Kenny vs Spenny tonight.

I can't believe public money goes to that crud, but yet they withhold my child allowance.

What a snowjobbed country we do live in!

not well at all 

:(

I hate the position I am in.

Excitement

I'm not 100% comfortable with parties making backroom deals for the PM's office, instead of winning them fair and square, but since the Conservatives are moving us closer to a two-party (and un-Canadian) system, I guess we have to deal with the way of things. The majority of Canadians did vote to the left or centre, and I really don't feel confident about having Cons in power in times of economic hardship.

But, either way - it is an exciting time for Canadian politics.

Sorry, Blog

I'm under pressure this week - marking and dissertation deadlines. Blogging has had to be sacrificed.

Hope to be back soon.

WTF???

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

Neck Deep

I have so much marking, dissertation and publication work to do this week, as well as the normal child care, home life and financial crud to get done. Also, a lot of marks to enter into the online gradebook, a process I *hate*. I have 50 out of a 150 students, so I have to comb through and enter grades - it is both time consuming and painful on the eyes. HATE HATE HATE it.

Oh well, moaning is not going to make the task go away, so I may as well get a jump on it while Dec is (FINALLY) taking his morning nap.

sigh.

a bit of levity

Dear Lord, No!

Disgusting.

You've been warned.

Back

I'm back on the Internet, but am now attacking my marking and other work before I sink under a pile of stuff.

It was a nice visit, and I got some help rearranging the apartment, so my mood is significantly brightened.

BACK TO WORK!

Update

I have been out of communication due to in-laws visiting for the week. All is relatively well - term is wrapping up, and I am even managing to get a bit of work done.

Should be back to regular posts soon-ish.

Remember Kristallnacht

Oh, Obama!

*Holocaust Survivor Speaker*

Holocaust Survivor Pinchas Gutter is coming to tell his story of survival to WLU & UW students.

Everyone is welcome to attend this event.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008
7:00pm - 8:30pm
BA209 (Bricker Academic Building), WLU

yowzers

it's already the 7th! damn.

The Aftermath...

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

YAY!

YES THEY DID!

numb... is this true???

Up Late Contemplating Langston Hughes

Today, we will find out if the Immortal Hughes was correct when he wrote:

By what sends
the white kids
I ain't sent:
I know I can't
be President.

Lies written down
for white folks
ain't for us a-tall:
Liberty And Justice--
Huh!--For All?

Today, the American Dream is tested.

Today the world watches.

This just in....

Dixville Notch votes for Obama, 15 to 6.

And so it begins!

Why I Care About the American Election

I have a lot of verve for the 2008 US Election. I am not an American. Still, I am participating in select Internet activities to try to mobilize the American voters for Barack Obama, my preferred candidate.

At first, I didn't feel right publicly expressing an opinion on this election, even though having a basic private opinion was unavoidable. I wondered if it was wrong of me to interfere at all with the American democratic process, even though my opinion is not likely to have much impact. After all, non-Canadians rarely have much direct sway in Canadian elections (Michael Moore aside), so we enjoy, on the surface, a fairly sovereign right to choose - except for, of course, the hours and hours of entertainment, news and other media source exposure we receive from the United States, the impact of which is largely incalculable.

So, why then do I feel I have the right to speak in the American election?

Firstly, I guess I can point to the concrete practical situation I am currently in - my husband, an American, lives in the US, and my son, though born in Canada, is half American, and who knows where we will end up as life progresses? The bottom line, though, is that I want America to be a nation my son can be proud of, and I believe Sen. Obama is a better road to that than is Sen. McCain.

Secondly, I am a democrat, and, this, I feel, is an ideological leaning that knows no specific borders. As a democrat, I support the NDP at home, and am friendly to the democrats world wide, as we share a common vision. It is possible that a democrat in Maine has more in common with me than a Conservative in Alberta, and I shouldn't pretend that is not so.

Finally, I am a citizen of the world. I don't take this lightly; this was the line that got Chaplin deported, after all. Being a citizen of the world means that I have not only the right but the obligation to consider the well being of the global community. It also means I should raise my voice when I have an opinion about world politics. Honestly, none of us can deny that he/she who rules the USA has a significant impact on all our lives, whether we like it or not. We are in bed with an elephant, so we have to watch which way it rolls, no?

In the end, my voice will likely not mean anything. I cannot vote in the American elections, as that is the sole privilege of the citizens of that potentially-fine country. However, I see no harm in, most importantly, urging them to exercise that vote, and, secondly, saying, for what it is worth, I prefer Obama.

American or not, we are witnessing History. None of us will be completely unaffected by the results of November 4th, so I cannot say I find any real reason why we shouldn't speak up.

I only hope Americans realize how much all of us depend on their judgement.

best enjoy election humour while it's still going

Touching

The World Keeps on Turning

Everybody has plans tonight, except for me. Here I sit, alone with the baby - no one is online or around. I never was a bar person, but it might be nice to be able to go see a movie again sometime before Declan turns 18.

I wish it were late enough to go to bed.

Holy Flying Time, Bat Man!

My brother turns 39 today! In my head, he is still 18.

Happy birthday, bro.

Happy Hallowe'en! (and Awesome Video)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

the rock gods voted for hilary

Part of my Childhood

hiding my eyes

a couple blogs this morning mentioned snow on the ground today...

i refuse to look outside.

Fake Blogging

The plumber is here, so I am trying to look busy so things don't get awkward, hence the blogging. Once he is gone, I can go back to watching the Obama family Access Hollywood interview before I head out into the freezing cold to take care of a financial errand. I could just go and do that, except for the fact that I am in my house clothes, and I don't really feel up to wiggling into a change of clothes with strangers around. 

Oh well, after today I will be able to flush my toilet as normal people. And the guy even tightened the door knob for me! 

We're living the Dallas life up in here!

up and up

Think things are getting better, knock wood. More on that later, after I fix a few things.

OBAMA IS BEAUTIFUL WORLD!

P.S. to Todd Post

BTW, including the code "#litf08" on your Twitter updates makes your line show up on the College Republican website... hee hee hee.

Net mischief is funchief.

B is for Brat

Ashley Todd does seemingly have some serious issues. I admit being pretty wrapped up in the election drama, myself, but this is absolutely stunning. For those few folks who never heard, Todd is the McCain-Palin volunteer who mutilated herself and claimed a male 6'4" black Obama supporter did it - later to also add she was sexually assaulted, to add more fuel to the fire and to play on the very worst of America's racial fears. (OMG - elect a black president, and the white women gonna get raped!!!) This is one of the most disgusting events of this campaign, even over-shadowing the repugnant lynched Obama ghost in Ohio.

The thing that really gets me - more, even, then how quick some people were to believe something that stunk of lies even from the beginning - is that as many people will likely not hear the retraction as clearly as they heard the accusation. (Let's not forget the flip side, either, as every false rape/abuse story muddies the water for the next real victim.) Since this tale keys into the very nastiest of stereotypes, I fear that the attack story will stick more readily than the confession of one sick, white college girl who clearly wanted to live up to her hero McCain's torture legacy.

Well, Ms Todd, what if some trigger happy NRA supporter, some angry white male who decides he must save white women from the black bogeyman, were to assassinate Obama? How exactly would that serve the democratic process? What would that do to the country? Would it then become less of a summer camp game than it is to you now? 

Racial hatred in some people reaches the level of psychosis. Lies like this have permanent and horrific consequences. The lie will out live the truth, largely because the Obama campaign would never, ever use this for publicity the same way that the GOP would. (Not necessarily McCain himself, but his underlings who revel in the dirty work.) In the end, if Obama wins, there will be many a Good Ol' Boy talking about the rapist they got in the White House, thanks to this tawdry tale.

Don't play with matches. They burn.

Marking

I got up at 6, partially to empty the drip pan under the sink, but also so I could get to my marking before Declan wakes up and gets demanding. From now on, I will have to take better advantage of his sleeping hours, even if my eyeballs do start bleeding from exhaustion. Right now, he is still cozy and warm, and snuggled down under the covers.

Oh, how I envy him.

eventually, it's just funny

found out about another $500 debt today.

and there's now a gushing leak in my kitchen.

go ahead, fates - screw me a bit more, why don't you?

I <3 Sen. Bernie Sanders

Media Rash

I've been watching more TV clips online, thanks to my growing fascination with the American elections (hoping for the wish fulfillment there I was deprived of here in Canada).

I don't know how much more educated I am about politics, but I know one thing: Elizabeth Hasselbeck needs to be kicked in the head. Repeatedly and roundly. This little Ann Coulter Lite (or Rush Limbaugh in heels, if you will) gives me gas.

Ha Ha -- I'm a Schmuck

Yeah - turns out the phone isn't getting disconnected because I an overdue on payments. I just read the envelope saying "urgent action is required to avoid service interruption" and assumed I was getting cut off because I owed. It turns out, they are just switching everybody to their infernal cable phone network. I actually get a $120 credit for making the switch, which is at least some compensation for the hassle of having some phone tech infiltrate my home.

Sadly, the threat of getting kicked out of school is still real, but the cosmos aren't kicking me while I am down quite so badly as I thought.

However, in other news, can you believe I am sick AGAIN? Gah.

Up Late With Dec

Teething sucks, so we walk the floor. Some Motrin and some cuddles, and a lot of agonizing. He sticks one little finger into his mouth and moans, "Ma Maaaaaaaa," as if he thinks I can make the pain stop if I really wanted to.

Sorry little buddy. I really would if I could.

Kipper is Perhaps too Awesome

Not Much to Say

I guess it's business as usual, until I can figure out what the heck is going on with a few things. I got a stack of papers in yesterday to mark, and I have a publication to finish up. I'm on the hook in a few areas to find out what is happening with the rest of my month, but since I can't force those things it has to be "head down - eyes on the furrow."

And how the heck is it Friday again already?

Be More cheerful, Stupid

Sunshine. Rainbows. Lollipops.

Are we happy now?

One Ringy-Dingy

Well, I just got a letter that kind of supersedes the tuition problem - they are going to cut off my phone/internet if I can't scrape together my payment this week.

Kind of helps me prioritize a little bit.

Disgusting

More of the same. Just when the US may be poised to rid its country of Bush and his legacy, we seem to be stuck in Shrub land for lord knows how long.

Screw you, Conservatives.

1 Picture = 1,000 Words

zen

As a follow up to my last post, I got a letter from the university saying that I will be kicked out if I don't pay my tuition by the 20th, which I cannot do, so it is no longer my decision. I don't have to drop out - they will invite me to leave very shortly. It was a nice run. Not sure what I will be doing after that, as I will not be able to keep my TA job after I am kicked out, but there is nothing I can do, so I am not stressing over it. Just trying to keep my head above water.

That is why I am watching the election today so closely. A Harper majority win will sound the death knell to my survival. Too bad that will be decided by a lot of rich fat asses who like sweaters more than they care about the poor and needy.

VOTE!

Moving On

I think I've decided to drop out of school. I can't afford to be here, and, to tell the truth, I am a constant disappointment to everyone around me, including myself, so I really can't say I belong here, anyway. I haven't the foggiest idea of what else I will do with my life, but I am pretty sure my life right now is not working for me.

really not acceptable

The freaking hot water is still off! WTF?

stupid low rent building

The hot water seems to be out today in my building. It was out when I first woke up, but I figured it would be fixed by now. Yet, it has not. Now it seems I must go to campus to pick up a book from the library that I needed Thursday, but which took its sweet-assed time getting to me. Go to campus without a shower, it seems. After having flu sweats all night. I feel like dog poop reheated. But I have to finish this thing for a prof I have pissed off once too often, so I have to drag my stinky, diseased corpse to campus to get that book, or I may as well quit right now. Oh, not to mention a sniffly child, too, which should be great fun.

Life sucks ass.

working

Up at 5am to get a bibliography sorted out before the pooper wakes up.

Reminds me of the old line "Evergreen Forest... quiet, peaceful, serene... that is, until Burt Raccoon wakes up..."

Declan would be Burt Raccoon in this instance.

yes, sick

it's awful - i think it's my bronchitis back.

:(

sick?

woke up this morning with my lungs stuffed with cotton batten.

let's hope the baby doesn't catch it, or all is lost.

Hope for the New Year

Tonight marks the beginning of Rosh haShanah, the Jewish New Year. I will strive to do better and be better, and to take opportunities as they come, and to make new ones where I can. I have hope that things will get better.

I hope you will all have a brilliant new year, too.

Why?

This is hardly up to Job's standards, but I cry to the heavens: "Why? Why is the nearest Tim Horton's so bloody far away???"

Dang, I need caffeine.

RIP Paul Newman

thin times

The government took away my child allowance check because I am married to someone not in Canada who didn't have to file taxes and cannot prove his income, even though I support the baby and myself alone.

So they are now hounding me for the one month's worth they did give me - $277. $277 means NOTHING to the government - one less dinner for some fat-assed senator on the road. To me, it may as well be $5,000, as I am barely making ends meet.

Actually, I am not even making ends meet, really, as I owe $3000 tuition, with no way to pay it. I am facing being kicked out of school very soon, which really takes a bite out of my drive to work on the dissertation, I must admit. Why have half of it done when they kick me out?

It's skinny times right now, and I am starting to feel a bit treed by the wolves. What really pisses me off is that my own government is one of those wolves. Harper is f*cking Prince John, and I am left to either move to Sherwood Forest or just get the hell out of this country. There is little option left to me.

The social safety net is an illusion, people. Don't believe it. Canada will let people starve just as quickly as any other country, and my eyes are finally opened to just how cruddy this place is.

The only problem is, all places are cruddy.

There's no where left to turn.

"Tory" (read: neo-con pretenders to the Tory throne) Times are Hard Times

For the love of all mankind, don't vote Conservative.

2.20am

I just finished preparing for teaching tomorrow, and I have to get up in about 5 hours. Argh.

I don't know if it's worth vowing, as I never seem to follow through on these things, but I really, really, really need to start my prep earlier in the week, and NOT leave it for Tuesdays.

That's just sleep-deprived talk. Same time next week...

blues

I've been down as of late. No real reason, I guess, aside from the messy apartment and being behind in my work - but I think being behind in my work is more of because of the blues than vice versa, though they are likely feeding off each other in some hellish vicious circle.

Generally just feeling lonely and lumpish, I guess. My husband is still stuck in Ohio, and though Declan and I get along great, it is a bit of a trial looking after a 6 (soon to be 7) month old alone.

But, on a more cheerful note, Murph's parcel arrived today with a honking huge stack of scrapbooking supplies in it for me... I guess I better figure out what to do with them now, huh?

UPS and UP Yours

Waiting for a UPS parcel - wish me luck.

Also fielding emails from the students on their first assignment (due on Thursday). Here's a suggestion, kids: Don't misspell the word when you are submitting dialogues. Dialogues, mind - not "dalouges" or "delogs" or any variation thereof.

My soul shudders in anticipation of the marking to come.

Decisions

Go to my most hated of places - the grocery store - or starve to death...?

It's hit or miss which one I will choose.

Today, I choose whatever is left in my cupboard, even if that is just rice and onions.

whew

Feedback on the first dissertation chapter has been pretty nice.

Now to finish the two I'm currently germinating.

Here's a Chase. Perhaps You'd Like to Cut to It.

Why do people waste so much energy calling Scientology "evil" and a "cult"? I think "silly" and a "money pit" seem to be much more convincing and less open to personal perception issues.

Heck, the cost of it alone would keep me away from it, even if I were tempted. Thank heavens cocaine, booze and petrol are likewise.

See? There is a bright side to poverty, afterall!

I'm Late

Sweet merciful shite I am behind - I still have damned encyclopedia articles to do, as well as TWO dissertation chapters to finish, and the JQ article to sign off on, if they ever send me the bloody thing.

How do months fly so fast???

The Conservative Teenagers Strike Again

Agriculture minister sorry for listeria jokes

By STEVE RENNIE The Canadian Press
Thu. Sep 18 - 5:10 AM

OTTAWA — Agriculture Minister Gerry Ritz unnerved some public servants at the height of the listeriosis crisis by resorting to gallows humour during a conference call about a public health scare that has killed 17 people.

Ritz was also deeply concerned about the political fallout from the listeriosis crisis as the deadly disease claimed more victims in the days before the federal election was called, according to sources in on the crisis call last month.

But that concern apparently didn’t stop Ritz from cracking wise while scientists, bureaucrats and political staff listened in on the Aug. 30th call.

Sources who took notes during the call said Ritz fretted about the political dangers of the crisis, before quipping:

"This is like a death by a thousand cuts. Or should I say cold cuts."

The disease was linked to cold cuts from Maple Leaf Meats.

And when told about a new death in Prince Edward Island, Ritz said: "Please tell me it’s (Liberal MP) Wayne Easter."

Easter is the Liberal critic shadowing Ritz’s Agriculture Department.

About 30 people participated in the Sunday morning call that began after 10 a.m. EDT. Participants included scientists, senior bureaucrats and political staff.

Others on the call included communications staff from the prime minister’s office, most of Ritz’s staff, Health Minister Tony Clement’s policy and communications advisers, and senior public servants including deputy health minister Morris Rosenberg.

Officials from the Canadian Food Inspection Agency provided updates on the disease during the conversation.

The sources who spoke to The Canadian Press did so on condition of anonymity. Stephen Harper’s Conservative government has been relentless in searching for and punishing anyone thought to have provided embarrassing information to reporters.

Ritz emailed an apology he intended to deliver publicly in suburban Ottawa later Wednesday.

"It was a highly stressful time," he said in prepared remarks. "Many people were working countless hours and attending countless meetings to keep on top of the situation. In that context, I made a couple of spur of moment offhand comments. In particular, one about my official opposition critic, whom I have already called to apologize.

"My comments were tasteless and completely inappropriate. I apologize unreservedly."

But Ritz was less contrite when he was asked about his comments after his flight from Saskatoon touched down at the Ottawa airport Wednesday afternoon.

For two minutes Ritz stared ahead as he was peppered with questions about the conference call. His only words were clipped.

"Not right now, guys," he said.

Then: "Get out of my face, please."

A spokesman for Prime Minister Stephen Harper said Ritz’s remarks were beyond the pale.

"It was clearly inappropriate," said Kory Teneycke. "It was intended as a joke, but some things are not appropriate to joke about."

He also said Ritz had called Wayne Easter to offer a personal apology.

Teneycke later added: ""A resignation was not offered and none was asked for.""

So far, 17 deaths have been linked to the recall of food products from a Maple Leaf Foods plant in Toronto. Ritz was not the only cabinet minister to quip about the food crisis.

According to the Toronto Star, Health Minister Tony Clement, whose absence from Canada during the tainted meat crisis stirred controversy, introduced himself during a reception at the Denver convention by saying:

"I’m Health Minister Tony Clement, and I have to say I approved this food."

Just think of happy things

Sure, I'm broke and really behind in my work, but I'm pretty happy, all things considered.

Declan and I have been reading Peter Pan before bed, and I really have to recommend it - even to those without children. That thing is pretty clever, and in what other kids' book would you find the word "orgy"? J.M. Barrie might be one of my new favourite authors, right up there with Austen and Trollope.

Up Early, Listening to Roger Whitaker

Princeton... Say What? What?

I think I am thinking of applying for a post-doctoral position at Princeton... Yes, I'm an idiot.

Oh well, if you're going to get rejected, you may as well get rejected by The Big Boys.

And Away We Go

First day of teaching today, and the first time leaving Declan with Katie for so long while I was in class. All went well, thankfully - I seem to have the happiest, most easy going baby ever. How'd that happen?

So, on with another term - and on with the mountain of work I have to do in less than a month - eep!

simply awful

I can barely even describe how much I hated this film. The hackneyed genre points; the shallow characters; the maudlin and murky design... That isn't even half of it. I know films claiming to be romantic comedies don't necessarily have to be the most realistic of movies, but one would appreciate the barest attempt at plausibility - yet here we see a single mother who we are expected to believe is both dedicated to her son and, at the same time, also willing to slut around with strange men and put her main source of income on the line for some underdeveloped romance. Two very mutually exclusive things, methinks.

Then you have the added bonus of maids who inexplicably break into a dance to the music that supposedly only the audience can hear, which just about made me vomit in my tea. Please, give us some benefit of the doubt as to our intelligence, Hollywood.

This thing is nearly two hours of pure, unadulterated drek. The fact that I even have to mention its title in my dissertation makes me a little ill, so I am pouring out my venom here instead of there, so as to make that mention as short as possible. What the hell did they have on Ralph Fiennes to force him into this schlock? Harrison Ford must have been busy the week they filmed this travesty.

Shame and scorn all around.

gulp

This month is pretty jam-packed:

• teaching starts up (two hours every Wednesday, but no marking until Oct, I think)
• still need to get more student loan forms done (signed at campus)
• those encyclopedia articles for Dr B
• possibly more edits for JQ? (email them re: edits)
• work on article for Dr R
• finish office stuff for Dr R
• do review of that DVD for that journal
• work on teaching app and finding app due on Oct 15
• finish August's dissertation chap, ASAP
• do Sept's chap
• do that GST/CA crap
• try to finally get studio portraits taken of the tadpole
  
• Declan's shots/doc appt tomorrow

whew.

New Term

Well, September is back again, and a new term is getting underway. I teach every week on Wednesdays for two hours, and will have an office hour and some lectures to attend, but other than that, my time will be largely unscheduled and off-campus - time for the dissertation to seriously get rolling. I am aiming at having the draft completed by January. WISH ME LUCK on that... Not the easiest thing to do with a baby.

I'm Pretty Sure I Hate Levi Johnson

I really hope the Repubs lose, so this nasty little scrotum goes away really fast.

***
Best article title ever, here.

Calm Satisfaction

Katie took Dec to the park for a few hours so I could clean, so my living space is half-way decent, and then he and I had a good play time, I had a good chat with a friend on the phone, and spent some good long-distance time with Murph. It doesn't make everything in life all better, I guess, but I'm pleased, anyway.

Cries in the Night

Last night, I was woken up by Declan crying, which is really unusual for him, as he's basically slept through the night since he was born. However, his sad cries were due to his rampant diarrhea problems, as he was cramping at the time, so I can't blame the poor tyke. I really hope this thing clears up soon, but, in the meantime, my work is basically at a standstill - better that than leaving the poor kid to suffer alone.

Generally, though, he's in a good mood, and plays as normal - it's just when the bouts hit him that he has some discomfort. It's hitting my diaper supply like a Mac truck, though.

My mum jokingly suggested a cork - I think I might be considering it.

Heffalumps and Woozles

blah

Kind of low today. Declan has been a bit hard to deal with today - sweet, but pooping a lot, and just generally demanding a lot of attention. Dissertation work is way behind, but I just feel like sleeping.

It's just a phase, I'm sure - but I do hope it passes fast.

Screw Student Loan Online Crap... Screw Modernity

Last night and tonight, I got automated emails from the student loans people saying they are missing info, and I should look online to see what. But the online thing is so filled with safety crap, it won't recognize me and let me set up an online account to look. Grrrrr. Whatever happened to those old fashioned things called letters? Or even the new fangled thingamajig called a phone?

I hate it when things try to modernize.

Six Months

Today, Declan turns six months old. Has it really been six months?

Next thing I know, he'll be 18 and gone.

No News

Pay came in, rent went out. Working on dissertation chapter feverishly.

Watched a few interesting movies recently; will whip up some mini-reviews soon, maybe.

Term starts again next week. Blah.

I'm a Fool, but a Hopeful Fool

I think I've decided to apply for a post-doc grant. Not likely to get it, but I think I deserve a shot at it. Lord help the poor, silly optimist.

Poetry

Declan is asleep, and I am filled with calm and beautiful feelings. I have music in my head and I am reading poetry about love - not sappy - some bitter - sweetness.

A lovely moment as I enjoy a cup of coffee and the sound of trees in the wind.

Ugh. Campus.

Boo! I have to go to campus today to get something signed and to shift some library books around between some profs I work for, and to pick some stuff that came in for me for the dissertation. No telling what campus will be like, as it is now (shockingly) the last week of August! Possibly crawling with undergrads doing their reindeer games... though that might be next week, I hope. Well, at least the weather is supposed to be cool - the student business office has a lot of stairs, so no stroller means the carrier. And we get pretty nasty-sweaty in that thing on humid days.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Wish I could hide at home today.

However, duty calls, and duty knows no social anxiety disorder!

had a great day

Boo

It's hot here again. Me no likely. Not at all.

Brilliant!

The editor from JQ called my piece "brilliant." Not so sure about that, but I am relieved and gratified she thinks so.

Sometimes in every life, even a little sunshine must fall.

How to Poop

Money Sucks

Tuition (or at least 10% of it) is due today, and my pockets are empty.

My horoscope told me that the insecurity in my position will make me rise to the occasion. Frankly, all it is doing is giving me stomach troubles.

How can I write a dissertation without knowing that I can pay the tuition that will let me stay in school long enough to graduate? With the threat of dropping out or being kicked out looming over me, I can't say my motivation is very high.

Take my advice - PhD is not worth the stress.

Me and Declan - August 2008

Loneliness

Night time is the worst, when it hits me the hardest. I can hear Declan snuffling in his sleep, and that is comforting... But I am just plain lonely.

eeeeeeeeep

The folks at Jewish Quarterly liked my article so much, they've decided to feature it, which makes me a little alarmed. How can I make it worth featuring before the end of the week??? It was something I threw together, and now sprucing it up enough to avoid looking like an ass might take some serious scaffolding.

Oh, and not to mention the little (gulp) matter of the two chapters I am working on for my dissertation. Yikes.

Stymied

I feel like I'm wading through mud up to my knees. I can't seem to hurry. Now I have a busy Monday ahead of me, and I still can't seem to gather up any get up and go. And Declan keeps staring into the corners of my dark and lonely apartment like he sees something I don't, and it is creeping the hell out of me.

Loneliness and stress are starting to get to me, and I fear I am losing my mind...

Funk

And I don't mean the kind you dance to.

Caged

I gotta get outside today, and blow the stink off Declan. Walks alone - boring. However, I need to run some errands, and it's been forever since I've had a cup of Tim's.

Horrible

Screwed

Man, I have so much work to do in the next two weeks, but also so many fiddly little annoying bits of life stuff to take care of.

Bah!

Now I understand the purpose of the monastery for work and contemplation. No 13th century monk ever had to deal with student loan faxes.

shut in

I've got so much to do, I feel overwhelmed, and I have the urge to hide in my apartment, even though I know that won't help. The main issue is campus. I just can't face it. I've got to go pick up library materials for my TA prof, and get a form signed by the admin to prove I am in school (for student loans), but campus just makes me feel like being sick. I just want my cocoon.

Chances are, yesterday was too much activity for me, and I miss Katie - going to campus and back without seeing a single soul with whom to share a cup of coffee just seems depressing.

However, I did get my exact list of articles assigned for my work on Dr B's encyclopedia [Reform Judaism, Conservative Judaism, Orthodox Judaism (800-900 words each) and Open Source Judaism (400) and Jewish Emigration to North America (800) and Judaism and Modernity (1200 words)], so I might hide and do that, and make my best run at campus on Monday - but I will HAVE to do my campus chores then, as it is pushing it for that loan stuff and they will only hold some of my books until then.

So, today: At least three articles done for that encyclopedia; fax the loan form that I fill out; fax Katie's form for her; pick up a $4 veggie rice from the Chinese place to make myself feel better. How's that for a Friday of wallowing?

What? Again?

AGAIN I am shocked by the 15th of a month - why does the first two weeks always pass me in a blur??? Gah! I am so behind!

***
Also, no Zoey, sadly. Katie found more convenient lodging for the feline. Oh well. I kind of have my hands full, anyway, I guess. But I was looking forward to doing something nice for Katie in return for her free babysitting.

Had a nice night with friends, though. Wine and Battlestar Galactica. What's better than that?

So Long, Katie!

Today, or tonight, rather, my friend Katie goes off to Honduras for two weeks to help out at an underprivileged boys' school. I am very proud of her, but i will miss her. She has quickly become one of my best friends, and I know life will be strange without her. It was a year ago yesterday that we solidified our friendship, when she came with me to my first ultrasound with the little tadger.

We wish her well!

***
Oh, and in related news, we receive shipment of Katie's cat Zoey today, as well, as we cat-sit for her... Wish us luck.

Declan's New Blog

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
-- Elizabeth Stone

More on that theme here.

Teething

Things aren't as calm and pleasant around Whoville these days as it once was.


***
EDIT: I have Baby Tylenol left over from his bris and needles, but that's all I have by way of pain relief. Here are a few other things people have recommended to me:

• Camilia
• Tempra
• Hyland's Tablets
• Baby Advil or Baby Motrin

Right now, nursing is the first line of defense, but it is likely that teething pain might prevent him from enjoying even that, so I want to find other ideas. I am also using cold teethers and counter-pressure, and will start offering chilled, wet washcloths for chewing. I use gripe water to help with indigestion and general fussiness.

Any feedback or other suggestions?

To Skype or Not to Skype...?

I am thinking of installing Skype to keep in touch with Murph better. Declan and I see him now on MSN chat webcam, but I have been told that Skype is superior. Also, it might be useful in case my advisor wants chats with more punch (and cheaper than phone calls from Israel).

We'll see how it goes.

I Forgot...

I had something great in mind to blog about when I woke up this morning, but it's fled straight out of my mind. Oh well, let's just pretend I wrote something major-superfly, then, can we?

But the main thing is that it is now creeping into mid-August, and I am very nearly pooping myself with stress over everything that I hope to do this month. Why, oh why, did I take a few days off after that last chapter??? UGH.

Tasks for today:

• tax letter written and emailed
• student loan form filled out and faxed
• bursary thing filled out
• find a better webcam program (with sound)
  
• Dr M's articles compiled onto disk
• Dr K's bibliography finished and emailed and printed
• Dr K's articles compiled onto disk
• read and note at least one film theory article for dissertation
• play with Declan
• wash the dishes
• call parents
• go to store for t.p. and milk

Tomorrow, it is library day. Yippee.

Oh well, onward and upward.

It Gets You When You Sleep

I may give up sleeping, as it makes me vulnerable. It always seems that moods shift, and bad news comes when I take some sleep. It's better to stay awake and keep a watchful eye on everything.

Suddenly, my life feels like I am in the jungle, and there are eyes all around me waiting for my camp fire to burn out.

Finally, a Reason to Like Canada's Border Gaurds

For those of who haven't heard, the Westboro (so-called) Baptist Church from Kansas is planning to disrupt the funeral of that young fellow killed on a Greyhound in Manitoba. They say the killing was an act of G-d that he deserved for being a "rebellious carny", and that Canada earned for our "rebellion" against G-d by being a "gay friendly" nation.

The government has alerted the border not to let these people in. Normally, I would say this just adds fuel to the fire of Americans who like to see Canada as a socialist tyranny. However, in balance to the idea of this kid's parents having to attend their son's funeral with screaming idiots outside explaining how he deserved it, I am all for the strong arm of the border lending their protection here.

This guy was a carny, yes, and perhaps he wasn't a saint. In fact, I am pretty perturbed by people tossing the label "hero" out on him - this is a term that has been practically destroyed by the Oprah crowd's desecration of it. He was neither a saint, nor a hero. He was a person. One who didn't deserve to be butchered in his sleep. Let's not forget that last part.

Whatever or whoever you worship, you can stick it up your ass when it's someone else's son being buried.

This is a horrible thing all around, and while I can't say I am uninterested in the story (especially when it comes to more news about the killer and what he was thinking/going through to make this situation arise), I do think it is time for people to move on. It was all the media coverage and rubber-necking that caused the victim to become a lightening rod for these freaks.

Let's let them mourn in peace, shall we?

Please, leave them alone.

Demon Farts

I just looked up the meaning of the word pumpernickel, and it seemingly has something to do with "intestinal wind" and the devil. I knew there was something special about this stuff.

On Wednesday, I splurged and bought myself a lovely, fresh, soft $2 loaf of black-black-black pumpernickel. I brought it home, and, in a misguided optimism about how long I could ration such a lovely thing, I froze it, to only have once in a while. However, it is already almost all gone, as I have been eating it with coffee every morning. Oh my goodness, what a treat! The weather has been co-operating marvelously, by having brilliant, crisp temperatures for me during my luxurious breakfasts of delight.

Really, a wonderful way to start the day.

No Rest for the Wicked

I just submitted a dissertation chapter, and I am already onto the next one. Pfft.

This month's tasks:

• documentary review
• chapter for submission at the end of the month
• finish rough draft of introduction (may or may not be submitted)
• encyclopedia articles for Dr B
• bibliography for Dr K
• finish library work for Dr M
• organize office for Dr R
• start editing article for Dr R
• new draft of JQ article
• student loan and bursary crap
• 6 month birthday party for Dec in early Sept?
• cat-sit Zoey for two weeks!!!
  

you get the number of that truck?

So, two or three hours of sleep... really not enough.

I'd sell my left kidney to be able to go back to bed.

Yup. Today should be fun.

Can't Sleep

Boo.

10%!

I just submitted my first dissertation chapter - the theory chapter. 30 pages of 300 - so 10% done in draft! I was a few days late, sadly, which did not go unnoticed, but it was really hard to let it go.

I am already on to the next chapter, as I hope to get two done this month, if I can - the short genre study chapter, and a rough draft of the introduction, if I can - but that will be like 40 pages, with the lit review and methods and everything, so we'll see how that goes.

But, yes - We're on our way!

Chilly, and Lovely

It is very quiet here, and I am trying to type silently. I got up after a bit of sleep to continue with my work. I have a hot coffee, which is a comfort in the chill. Declan is asleep, and he is so sweet right now, it is hard to work and not just lie beside him and watch him. He got up with me for an hour for a fresh diaper and some breakfast, but slid back into sleep. He enjoys a good sleep in until noon, that little fellow, and I am hoping I can get a few hours of work in before he wakes up again.

Things are peaceful. It is a good morning.

*hangs head in shame*

So, yes, I've decided to give in, and try some scrapbooking - largely under the assumption that scrapbooks are harder to destroy, mentally (and physically) than are electronic forms of memory. I know, this is SO Soccer Mom. However, I will like the creative aspect, and I am sure there will be times in my, and even Declan's, life where we will all be grateful I chronicled his life in such an elaborate way.

I have decided on three scrapbooks to start: Declan's Arrival (pregnancy and birth); Declan's First Year; and Declan's Holidays (this will likely be multi-volume and will be for birthdays, holidays and vacations). For the yearly one, I think two pages a week would work. I plan on having a handwritten note about the item/event, including weight/height stats from the doctor's visits, etc, with relevant pictures and mementos.

So, in future, scrapbooking materials will always be welcome. Not only the Dollarstore and hobby shop variety (stickers, letters, etc), but recovered materials, too, such as ribbons, foil, old greeting cards, etc. Just save these kinds of stuff up for me, and I will start a bin for them. I will also gratefully accept photo suggestions, as I plan on using a mix of photo-paper and printer-paper shots throughout. Also, notes and descriptions of good times are very much appreciated, as well.

As to starting another blog... I may. Don't know, yet. It is too soon, maybe. For now, this scrapbooking project, and perhaps a paper journal, will be my focus.

ow

Got bit inside the shell of my freaking ear by a mosquito - now it's bleeding and sore as hell. I put the phone to my ear too quickly a bit ago and almost died. I have given birth for christ's sake - why is this agony for me?

All I can assume is that I rarely get pains in my outer ear, so that is my wuss zone.

Fuck. Ouch.

It's Over

I was forced to delete Declan's blog today, which has hurt me more than I can say. I don't even know if I want to keep blogging at all now. I won't delete this blog, as I have put many years into it, but I am not sure if I will ever update it again. I am uninstalling chat programs from my computer and dropping off the internet. It was something I probably shouldn't have gotten mixed up in, in the first place.

I'm in so much pain right now, I can't really say any more right now.

Notes on the Door are Never Good

Gotta make a quick run to a bank or post office or something today, as it seems I have a small balance owing from my apartment management cooperation and I have no cheques. It's a small amount, and I got paid this week, but with a sick baby and being behind in my work, this added distraction/time-suck is not exactly what I needed. Oh well - at least this takes me close to a grocery store. I was getting tired of the daily scrounge for food in my quickly-emptying cupboards, anyway.

Still. Life harasses me sometimes.

Something's Wrong

Declan and I are both a bit on the sick side with colds. My work is failing. Things all over are out of sorts. I just can't explain it all, but there really are a lot of things that just aren't right in life right now.

Holy Crap on a Cracker!

Have you read about the attack on a Manitoba bus last night? It's like something from a horror film. A man stabbed and decapitated a young man in the seat next to him - seemingly without cause.

There are lots of self-righteous people blaming the 37 other passengers for not helping, and that burns my ass. They kept him from escaping. That's pretty much more than we could have expected under these circumstances, I think, despite what all the armchair Chuck Norris'es would like to believe about themselves.

Well, a horrible story, and a sad day.

Where Art Thou, Friedman?

Damn, damn, damn. This stupid chapter is due in a matter of days, and I can't find my Friedman book... It's a thick, yellow paperback... How could it be lost???

Oh man. I got the luck.

New (Quick) Hobby

These days, I have taken to choosing one of the BBC's main online stories and reading all the related stories. Sunday, it was the plight of Tanzania's albinos. A couple of days ago, it was Guatemalan baby snatching. BBC has a helpful little sidebar with all the related stories - I open them all in tabs and read through them. Seems to be a quick way to get a glimpse into an issue and stay connected to the world, even in the midst of baby-and-dissertation isolation.

The Internet can be a good thing, sometimes.

Reading The Bluest Eye

The perfect line:

"There is really nothing more to say -- except why. But since why is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in how."

Never Step on Your Lead

I wrote the lead to my dissertation today. The first paragraph. The gripper. It wasn't the first bit I wrote in the thing; it's an important bit so I skipped it for a while. I needed time to make it a doozy. Today, it came to me while I was in the washroom running the tub for Declan's bath. I wrote it on the inside of a cardboard box. I think it's gripping enough.

Though I know it might not survive the editing process, I like it.

One step closer to being finished!

Running

I have to finish my dissertation's "theory and methods" chapter by the 31st. That's the scariest chapter, for me, so I don't know if I will ever feel it is good enough to send. I'll just have to bite the bullet. Also, I want to send off a new draft of that JQ article by Monday, but that will just involve a quick 1000 word addition.

Right now, though, I am waiting for Declan to wake up so I can get him ready to head to campus. If he doesn't get up soon, I'll have to wake him. But I prefer to let him wake up naturally.

I know. What kind of almost-5-month-old oversleeps?

THE BEST KIND, that's what kind.

Am I Using This Blog Effectively?

Writing about values improves relationships

SARAH BOESVELD

From Thursday's Globe and Mail

July 24, 2008 at 9:18 AM EDT

It may be time to shake the dust off that old diary if you want to rejuvenate your relationships.

According to a study published in this month's issue of Psychological Science, writing about values you hold dear can conjure feelings of love and connection that may help strengthen your social bonds and decrease defensiveness.

University of Michigan researchers asked a group of college-aged men and women to write a paragraph about a value they considered important, such as peace or their relationships with their families. Another group wrote about a value they didn't find important.

"Those students who wrote about their most important value [felt] overwhelming positive emotions and those feelings made them less defensive" and more open with people, said lead study author Jennifer Crocker.

Dr. Crocker says thinking about a challenging situation you will probably encounter in the day - such as a stressful meeting - and writing about your values first thing in the morning will help alter your perspective and push you through it.

"It helps people shift from 'What do they think about me?' to 'What do I want to contribute or create from this situation?' "

In a self-conscious and egocentric world, writing about values that transcend the self may help people think about others a bit more, Dr. Crocker said.

"It connects you with something more important than your ego. It reminds you that there's more you care about."

All Quiet

Nothing really major going on, which is good. Got some positive and constructive feedback on that article for the next draft, and working towards my dissertation deadline. Got some TA work out of the way, and Declan has been healthy and happy and very sweet.

So, all in all, not a bad time.

massacre

Just sent off my article draft, but I am afraid that it's pretty awful.

Oh well. The worst they can do is call me names.

obladee obladah

Ever have an annoying song stuck in your head so bad, your only option is to shoot yourself?

grrrrr

blah

Well, I am up against a wall, deadline-wise. It's do or die time.

The next 24 hours will be quite a little hell.

Working

I am trying to hit a deadline for The Jewish Quarterly for Monday, so I'm kind of swamped. But here's a pic of Declan, instead of a post.

Dissertating:The Scary Frontier

Preparing my first chapter for the end of the month. It's horrifying, putting your own ideas on paper for the scrutiny of a committee (as opposed to just cranking out a term paper for a grade). The dissertation is, in essence, your Life's Work up this point. It's too much like a manifesto for me - once it's there and published, you can't ever do a thing about it.

And if you screw it up, they'll never let you live it down.

But, no pressure.

Blogging Lost an Elder

The World's Oldest Blogger, 108-year-old Olive Riley, died on Saturday.

RIP

P.A.I.N.

My lower back feels like it's been tortured. Really, this is the worst back pain I have ever experienced. Stiff, achy, with a touch of spasmodic. It feels wrenched, twisted, strained and stretched on the rack. It may one of the worst pains I've ever had, period.

It would be nice to lay down... But rest is for the weak... or for those without a four month old.

Ouch.

ugh

Horrible dreams have ruined my peace of mind.

a song for our little family

Isolation

Shhhh...

...it's Silence Day.

Hope Dashed

I just thought I got an email. It turned out to be a statement from the library.

I'm pathetic.

sad sack

I'm generally lonely and bummed out right now. I know that doesn't make for very interesting blog reading, but, let's face it, blogs really aren't all that important, anyway.

Really?

I changed a status line on a chat program to "the bidding for Declan starts at 10 cents," since I was on chat with my friend Katie, who often jokingly offers to buy him - and since he had just pooped all over me. Admittedly, not very funny, and I changed it just a few minutes later. But a friend emailed me, warning me that such jokes can get me in serious trouble. Now I am paranoid as well as losing my mind.

So, I would like to categorically deny that Declan ever was for sale.

Will that cool Big Brother's jets?

Losing My Mind

I've been trapped with no one but the baby since Saturday evening.

A song stuck in my head.

Please, don't read anything into this, but this has been spinning in my head non-stop since I saw EdTV the other day... though, now that I think of it, I guess it has a truth to it right about now.

mysteries

Today is the anniversary of the last time Canadian painter Tom Thompson was seen alive, way back in 1917. I love a good mystery!

Also, I recommend this site for a good browze.

Feet Do Your Duty...

Oh man - How is it nearly mid-July already? Where did the last week go?

Poop! Poop, I say, and poop I mean.

The rest of the summer is a dead heat to finish things.

A break down:

July:

• Prepare dissertation theory and methods chapter for the committee for August 1 (yikes)
• Write article on Seinfeld/Larry David for Jewish Quarterly by July 21
  
• Submit bursary apps for fall term (ASAP)
  
• Get forms signed and submitted for loan relief (ASAP)
  
• Finish up bibliographies for Dr M
• Finish annotating bibliographies for Dr R
• Get started on project for Dr K
• Possibly more WebCT work for Dr M?
  

August:

• Write genre review dissertation chapter for Sept 1
• Figure out tuition for fall
  
• Write entries on Jewish topics for Dr B's encyclopedia of religion and modernity for Sept
  
• Finish Dr K's project
• Write review for Women in Judaism (ASAP)
  
• Finish up with Jewish Quarterly

Oh, and add to that being a wife, a mother to an infant, a friend, and a human (with needs to bathe, eat and sleep regularly myself). Jeesh.

Can I just run away with the circus?

classic

The Buck Stops Here

Just encountered an earwig on my friggin toilet seat.

That's just bloody too far.

Oh Dear

I think I might be coming down with my first real sickness since I had Declan - most likely a cold, judging from my raw throat, coughs, aches and sneezes. We napped for an extra hour this afternoon, in an effort to battle it off. He had no ill effects from his needles yesterday, but for all I know they make him more vulnerable to cold bugs, so I want to prevent him from catching anything, if I do have something, as long as possible. He's never had an actual illness, either, and I'm not looking forward to that first.

Oh man; it would really blow if the baby and I both got sick at the same time.

Fingers crossed.

***

PS> Happy Fourth of July to all my American friends. And a big, bold R.I.H. (you can guess what that stands for) to Jesse Helms.

A Reminder

I narrowly missed my bus today, and was going to be late. As I stood there and fumed about my crappy luck, I saw a woman in a hospital gown and socks wandering around the intersection - she clearly didn't know who she was, where she was, or what was going on. She also looked in pain. Evidently, she had wandered out of the GRH, somehow. She didn't respond to me when I spoke. The driver of the bus I eventually caught called it in, and, as we all sat there waiting for the cops to show up, I couldn't help but look at her.

There are many, many things worse than missing a bus.

If at First You Don't Succeed...

Trying another teaching app today, for another course.

Wish me luck.

I Should be in Ohio

Today, my husband's grandmother is being buried, and Declan and I are stuck up here. We send our warmest condolences, but that feels pretty paltry.

The Song Stuck in my Head

Happy Canada Day!

I'm not sure if I'll do anything for the holiday this year - the fireworks are a bit late for the little pooper, and I am kind of swamped with work.

But, nevertheless, have a good one!

Take Your Lumps

I feel like a heel. Getting taking to task for something you didn't do is one thing. It's much, much worse when you deserve your dressing down. I wish I could start fresh in a new place, but I have to stick around here and feel the brunt of my embarrassment.

I feel like a screw up. Mainly because I fear I might actually be one.

Remember What Your Mother Said

My mom used to call me Telly Monster, reminding me not to jump to the worst conclusions, not obsess over the worst case scenario, and to prepare rather than worry.

This time, I will try my damnedest to follow that advice.

Freaked Out

I got an email from my supervisor. She thinks we need to talk. But she wants to call me on Monday. Now I have three days of peeing myself, wondering what she needs to talk to me about, obsessing over the idea that I am in hot water...

I don't have the nerve strength for all this.

Well, Sh*t On a Stick...

I didn't get the teaching assignments I applied for.

It's not the end of the world, but it stings.

"There are straws and there are camels and there are backs."

caveat emptor

Well, the good news is that I have been asked by a mag in the UK to write an article expanding on some things that I wrote about in that Jack Benny chapter I published - they want more on Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.

The bad news is that, though I got them for dirt cheap and shouldn't complain, the 3rd season of Seinfeld I bought has a disk of season 5 in it, leaving out some 3rd season episodes I was keen to see. Now I am stuck trying to talk Blockbuster into helping me out on this somehow. Or maybe I'll take the easy route and just rent the 3rd season from them and play the old switcheroo...

Sigh.

Right On, George

Stop All the Clocks

George Carlin
May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008

Argh

Anything or anyone else want to piss on me today???

I Swear it had a License Plate

Just had to crush the biggest f*cking bug in the world.

I hate living in the basement.

An Exerpt from a Transcript

From an interview with a South African white man:

I remember hearing a conversation between two men, two white men – one of them told the other, he said, “Do you know what? I was driving down the road today, and the car in front of me drove over a black woman, knocked her down. And I wanted to know what it was like to kill a kaffren, his words, so I looked behind me and I kept going, and I drove over her, as well.” This drew raucous laughter from his friend.

Jesus.

I'd Like to Report a Robbery

What the hell happened to the weekend???

4am

My alarm is going to go off in a few hours, anyway. Maybe I should just stay up and work, as it's not looking like I'll be getting back to sleep any time soon.

Campus should be a whole f*ucking barrel of laughs tomorrow... I mean today.

sigh.

F***!

The world is conspiring to drive me nuts.

Keep it to Yourself, Gomer

US marine removed over coin claim
(From the BBC News.)

The coins were reportedly distributed at a checkpoint in Falluja

A US marine in Iraq has been removed from duty following claims that he handed out coins inscribed with biblical verses in Arabic.

Residents in Falluja had complained that the coins were being distributed at a checkpoint, the US military said.

US troops are forbidden from proselytising any religion.

The case comes a week after US President George Bush made a personal apology over a US soldier in Iraq shot holes into a version of the Koran.

In the Falluja incident, a military statement said a service member had been discharged "amid concerns from Falluja's citizens regarding reports of inappropriate conduct".

A report from McClatchy News Service carried a photo of a silver coin it said had been distributed in the Iraqi city.

Written in Arabic script on one side of the coin were the words: "Where will you spend eternity?"

On the other side, the news service said there was a Bible verse referring to Jesus: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16."

Koran shooting

Military spokesman Mike Isho told McClatchy that marines at the western gate in Falluja had been searched following a report about the coins.

One man found with the coins was reassigned and would no longer be working in the central Anbar province, he said.

The military said coalition forces were prohibited from "proselytising any religion, faith or practices, and our troops are trained on those guidelines before they deploy".

It is still investigating the incident and says "appropriate action will be taken" if claims about the coins are substantiated.

Earlier this month, a soldier was sent home from Iraq after a Koran was found riddled with bullets in a shooting range near Baghdad.

The incident triggered a violent protest by more than 1,000 people in Afghanistan in which three people died.

Sick and Tired...

...of pretty much everything.

Can't Sleep

In ten hours I have my yearly committee meeting, and my mind is racing. I've been in and out of depression recently, mostly due to the fact that Murph is still in Ohio, and, though I love Declan more than I ever imagined, it is a hard row to hoe right now, all by myself (though with help from a friend or two). Also, the recent guilt over how behind I am in school work has contributed to my sense of worthlessness. And my penniless status is no help, either.

Well, I will read a bit, and hope that helps. Declan is already in bed waiting for me, so at least there will be some snuggles. That does help. A lot.

sad

Enough With the Wallowing.

Also, enough with the "title as whole post" thing.

Jeesh.

Officially Old

Yup.

Ignored

Birthday tomorrow, and today it's like no one remembers I exist.

Underway

Baby is fine; work-for-pay is being taken care of.

Dissertation is back in my life.

On Saturday, I turn 30.

New Blog

I started a blog here for Declan and his adventures.

Quiet

No one's home, and I'm sitting here alone. Declan is asleep in the bed, waiting for me, but I can't sleep. It's too quiet; too lonely. I love that little boy, but sometimes he just can't fill the silence.

I Know, I Know...

Sorry I've been absent so long, but I was enjoying my first months as mom.

Will return to blogging regularly now, I hope.

Some Baby Pics

Ta-Da!

Well, we are now in possession of a very fine, brand new baby. Robert Declan Murphy made his much anticipated arrival on February 29, 2008, at about 9.16pm, after a blessedly easy delivery. He spent a few days in the NICU, due to some fluid in his lungs, but he is now home and thriving - gaining weight, and feeding like a champ. He is a happy, healthy little boy, and we are so grateful for him, and for all the well wishes we have received.

He was circumcised by the Adas Israel community on Sunday, March 9, at 4pm, where we gave him the Hebrew name of Yishai ben Avram - "My gift, the son of Abraham."

We are getting a surprizing amount of sleep, my recovery is going very well, and we are thrilled with our new little addition, who returns all our affection and care with all the sweetness his little baby heart can muster.

We look forward to introducing him to you all, and are now ready for visitors as can be arranged. Thanks again for all your kind messages, etc. We are happy our son has such a community of friends to be welcomed into.

Killing Time

No baby, still, but here's something you can play with, instead.

And STILL No Baby...

Murph's mom called yesterday to make sure we weren't in labour. It's cute that people somehow think we'll just forget to tell them, but I really do think we will be able to take that few minutes to call our moms. It's not like babies just fall out - it's a pretty long process, really.

However, contractions have been hitting nightly, and I am certainly getting close. We expect to have a baby by Friday. We see the doctor again on Thursday, so we'll see what he says... if we make it that long, though Katie wants the baby Wednesday night.

We'll try our best.

(PS> Just realized I totally don't know what day of the week it is right now... Tuesday, right? Am I close? Man, not going to work screws with your time sense.)

No Baby Yet.

Well, it's not like I expected the baby to pop out just because it was his due date, but we are expecting him very soon, given the rate of aches, pains and other signs I am showing. Rest assured, updates will be forth coming as soon as progress is made.

Due Dates and Extensions

We are due today - it is the 40 week mark. That's pretty exciting, though the baby doesn't seem to realize that he's supposed to be done now. However, the doctor did say I am making very good natural progress, and, really, he'd not be surprized if I went this week, without inducing. (First births without being induced is actually kind of a feat these days, as it seems everybody needs help along now.)

Well, the bags are packed, and the taxi money is in hand, so we're just waiting, waiting, waiting now. I will pass time today by doing my taxes. Excitement, no?

Oh, and I guess it's Oscars time this week... I really couldn't care less, so I'm not going to bother with guesses except this one: Most of those who waste their evening watching the ceremony will regret having done so. Ta-da!

A Survey for Friday

Because I can't sleep, here's a random survey from Katie's blog to fill a post on a Friday:

1. Initials: HAP.
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Trent Reznor; Enya; Craig Ferguson; Bill Paxton; Dennis Hopper (none in the same year, though).
3. When was your last kiss? Minutes ago.
4. For or against same sex marriage? For.
6. Are you bisexual? They say everyone is to some extent, don't they?
7. Do you believe in God? Depends on what is happening at the time.
8. How many US states have you been to? Ohio, New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania.
9. How many of the US states have you lived in? Depends on how you define the term "lived."
10. Have you ever lived outside the US? Ummm... My whole life?
11. Name something you like physically about yourself: My hair and eyes.
12. Name something non-physical you like about yourself: My humour and brains.
13. What is the current rumor traveling around about someone? Ha ha - Not going to trap me with that one. It'll change as soon as I type it, anyway.
14. What is your dream car? One that doesn't run on fossil fuels and doesn't pollute.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Nova Scotia.
16. Have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone? Probably... Don't recall.
17. How many concerts have you gone to? Not many - I like CDs - cheaper and every seat is front row.
18. Do you download music? I have.
19. How many illegal things have you done? Not many, but see #18.
20. Where would you want to go on a first date? Depends on the mood.
21. Would you date the person who posted this? What? You mean originally?
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Ha ha - all the time.
23. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Likely, but I don't recall.
24. Do you like president Bush? I don't know him.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? No.
27. Have you ever crashed a car? I was in a fender bender with someone else driving, but, since I don't drive myself, no, I have never crashed one personally.
28. Has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you? Yes.
29. Have you met a real redneck? How real is real?
30. Are you interested in anyone right now? I hope so, since I'm married. Luckily, it's the same guy.
31. What song are you listening to right now? The crows outside on my street, and the sounds of Murph sleeping.
32. What is your current favorite song? Changes by the minute - "I Wish it Would Rain" by the Temptations is a constant favourite, though, amongst others.
33. What was the last movie you watched? Ugh - the "remake" (desecration?) of The Heartbreak Kid. Spotty, at best.
34. Who was the last person that told you they loved you? Murph.
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? The corner store.
36. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? No.
37. Ever hit someone of the opposite sex? When I had to.
39. What's the first thing(s) you notice about the opposite sex? Their volume. Then their shoes.
40. What turns you on? Depends on my mood.
41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Anything that doesn't cost more than $5.
42. What is one of your sexual fantasies? No comment.
44. Tell something totally weird about yourself: I love the feeling of cleaning my ears.
45. Do you have an i-pod? No. CDs for me, still, I'm afraid.
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Yes, but I don't think they meant "look a lot like."
47. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? Of course.
48. Do you have braces? Nope - I never have.
49. Are you comfortable with your height? Sure - if I were taller, my legs would be too short.
51. When do you know it's love? What kind of question is that?
52. Do you speak any other languages besides English? Yes, but not as well as I would like.
53. What kind of alcohol do you enjoy while out? I don't drink.
54. What magazines do you read? Print mags are dead.
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo? No.
56. Has anyone you were close with passed away? Not really close, unless you count non-humans.
58. What’s something that really annoys you? Many, many things.
59. What's something you really like? Good food, naps, movies, reading, Star Trek, hugs from Murph... Many things, really.
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? Anyone who says they never did is a liar - but I can't say I am a fan now, no.
61. Can you dance? Depends on how you define "can." Do I have the physical ability to move? Yes.
62. Have you ever surfed? No.
63. Do you know how to pump gas? No, but I would like to think I could figure it out.
64. Do you drive? No.
65. What was the latest you have ever stayed up? Ha ha - funny question. I think I found new hands on the clock to describe how late I've been up.
66. Have you ever thought you were honestly going to die? Yes.
67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No - ambulances cost money, don't they?
68. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? Who hasn't?