Friday, April 30, 2010

Personal-Type Questions

Question: How do you feel this work has developed you as a scholar and/or as a person? Has the PhD program changed you?

Question: How did your education, throughout the PhD here and perhaps before, contribute to your understanding of these issues?

Question: Would you have been able to do this work before coming here?

Question: How did your idea of your dissertation change over the past years since starting the PhD and going through the steps?

Question: I am curious - you don't speak in the dissertation as a Jew, and you give little direct discussion of your own values. How do you actually feel about the issues in your research? Are you as conservative as your critique of liberalism suggests? Why did you choose to speak without being personal? (Why did you choose the impersonal voice?)

Question: Are you happy with what you have done? Are you proud of it? Why do you think it deserves to pass? Do you feel it worth a PhD?

Question on Modernity

Question: What is your meaning of "modernity" or "modern"? What of people who think we are actually living in post-modern times, not modern times?

Well, firstly, I must say that I have since given a reconsideration to my use of this term in the April 1 draft, and a lot of those uses could be (and have been) changed to "contemporary" or "recent," etc. This was my error.

Secondly, I often use "modern" to denote the historical era of Enlightenment thought, certainly, which I believe is the correct usage these days.

However, I also use it to denote a mode of seeing the world today - in this way, I use it more of a description of thought/behaviour/ideology than of era, etc. I do this because I do fundamentally believe we are still modern in our basic goals, particularly in relation to our liberalism or individualism. Because of these things, I think my use of modern to describe today's general ideology is fair.

In this way, "modernity" entails the social principles of disenchantment/surface-secularization, the primacy of individualism, and the accepted foundation of capitalist progress. It also connotes a time in which "science" has been given an importance over "tradition." All of these things, I believe, stemmed from the Enlightenment and are still in hegemonic power - thus, I follow that the time since is still justifiably considered "modern" according to my usage.

I am supported in this by the fact that those who discuss post-modern often do so because they are critiquing the status quo, or are "cutting edge" in some way - if that is the case, the mainstream that they critique must be, ipso facto, modern, in my estimation.

However, yes, I agree that I misused this word in the submission draft, and have since rectified this.

Disenchantment/Demystification

Question: What is something you wished you had developed more in this work?

I do wish I had gone into more depth with the effects of disenchantment in the post-Enlightenment world. Though the loss of this factor (that of materializing the "real world" and removing divinity and magic from life aspects) has some positive elements (in terms of how it can reduce the oppressive power of religion or the elite), it has had some negative aspects, as well - for religious minorities, particularly, it has uprooted much of our sense of collective identity/purpose, and emptied our lives of a higher, united goal and place in the world. It has also had an incalculable affect on how the environment and animals are treated/seen. Specifically for Judaism, Frida Kerner Furman (following Hans Mol), in her book Beyond Yiddishkeit, notes that disenchantment has had a lasting impact on the ways Jews see their identity, and has resulted in a desacralization of identity, which has required a change in how liberal Jewish congregations pinpoint and meet the needs of their modern congregations - i.e. they must cultivate a collective sense of identity (in order to propagate Jewish culture and peoplehood) via other means than divine place. Though, I should note she does not necessarily see this has a bad thing, but it is a challenge. These issues were certainly present in my dissertation, but I did not spend significant time going into them as their own section.

(Or, possibly, a question could come directly about disenchantment itself and its role in liberal malaise.)

The Price of Books

Sorry, but let me have a "when I was a kid" moment, here. I remember when I could pick up a new book and a snack for well under $10.

I mean, jeepers - $35 for a book? Really? That is 5% of my rent!

For a book.

True, it's a trendy hardcover, and not the pulp novels I used to buy, but even those are creeping into the double digits, slowly but surely. But, even then, I should not consider $20 a "good price." It's a book, for the love of Mike.

I do have the option of buying it in phantom electronic data bits form for around $17. Because, you know, I love to pay double-digits for 1s and 0s.

Shouldn't we be more upset about this, really? Or do we, as a culture, no longer riot when the price of bread (or books - both essentials) go too high for the masses to afford? Are we really ok with education, enlightenment and perspective belonging solely to the elite?

I suppose, one could say that only the elite want to read now. I think this is bunk, though - if the non-elite no longer want to read, the fact that they can't do so and still buy groceries might have something to do with it.

Is it a wonder people no longer read? I am not sure I can afford to do so any more.

And, if Igon was right and print is essentially dead, then lord have mercy on our pathetic souls if we as a culture (and a voting populace) are left to make do with Spike TV and Fox News.com.

Venice may finally be sinking, folks.

/end self-important, pretense-filled rant that really stems from the sour grapes of not being able to afford a book I want. Translation: wah-wah-wah.

Whoopsie Doodle

Turns out that I am short on rent, any way you slice it... I can only hope they don't realize this until my pay comes in. Whoops.

Poor household planning - I'll admit it. :(

Five Pieces on Authenticity to do this Summer

- Review essay of Potter and Taylor
- Short piece on Potter for religious studies
- Essay on my liberalism-communitarianism authenticity synthesis
- Review of A Serious Man in light of Potter
- Piece on performance of authenticity?

21 Days til D-Day

Feeling good - feeling back on track and confident.

Advisor just asked some rather sneaky (un-subtle) questions about how I feel about eating at non-kosher restaurants, etc... me thinks someone is trying to figure out what to do after the defence. But, even better, she not only said she liked my course proposal, BUT she said she had been asked by someone for a reference - which means I DIDN'T GET CUT IN THE FIRST CULL SOMEWHERE! YAY!

(The trouble is, of course, that I can't actually recall all the places I have sent applications to, so I don't know which one might have asked her. whoops.)

ETA: Just got a positive response to an email to a journal editor in regards to my Jewish Chaplin article... Looks like I might get another line for the CV soon!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Important To-Do

Look at Bowling Alone.

This is essential to do before defence.

(Advisor has suggested it multiple times, but I ignored this, so I cannot fail to have some idea of it in my head at defence, because it is likely to come up in some fashion, either in questions or, heaven forbid, in edits.)

Also: Have a good answer about social capital ready... Perhaps sneak it into dissertation somewhere?

Bowling Alone website.

NPR interview.

The Authenticity Hoax, Andrew Potter (2010)


Summary:
We live in a world increasingly dominated by the fake, the prepackaged, the artificial: fast food, scripted reality TV shows, Facebook "friends," and fraudulent memoirs. But people everywhere are demanding the exact opposite, heralding "authenticity" as the cure for isolated individualism and shallow consumerism. Restaurants promote the authenticity of their cuisine, while condo developers promote authentic loft living and book reviewers regularly praise the authenticity of a new writer's voice.

International bestselling author Andrew Potter brilliantly unpacks our modern obsession with authenticity. In this perceptive and thought-provoking blend of pop culture, history, and philosophy, he finds that far from serving as a refuge from modern living, the search for authenticity often creates the very problems it's meant to solve.


What does it mean to be authentic? For many, the search for the authentic provides a powerful source of meaning in a secular age, allowing a person a unique personal identity in a world that seems alienating and conformist. This demand for authenticity—the honest or the real—is one of the most powerful movements in contemporary life, influencing our moral outlook, political views, and consumer behavior.

Yet according to Andrew Potter, when examined closely, our fetish for "authentic" lifestyles or experiences—organic produce and ecotourism, bikram yoga and performance art, the cult of Oprah and the obsession with Obama—is actually a form of exclusionary status seeking. The result, he argues, is modernity's malaise: a competitive, self-absorbed individualism that creates a shallow consumerist society built on stratification and one-upmanship that ultimately erodes genuine relationships and true community.

Weaving together threads of pop culture, history, and philosophy, The Authenticity Hoax reveals how our misguided pursuit of the authentic exacerbates the artificiality of contemporary life that we decry. Potter traces the origins of the authenticity ideal from its roots in the eighteenth century through its adoption by the 1960s counterculture to its centrality in twenty-first-century moral life. He shows how this ideal is manifested through our culture, from the political fates of Sarah Palin and John Edwards to Damien Hirst and his role in contemporary art, from the phenomenon of retirement as a second adolescence to the indignation over James Frey's memoir. From this defiant, brilliant critique, Potter offers a way forward to a meaningful individualism that makes peace with the modern world.


Table of Contents
Introduction The Jargon of Authenticity
One The Malaise of Modernity
Two A False Return
Three The Creative Self
Four Conspicuous Authenticity
Five Perils of Transparency
Six Vote for Me, I’m Authentic
Seven Culture Is for Tourists
Eight The End of History
Conclusion Progress, the Very Idea
Acknowledgments
Notes
Index

Interesting points:

“My argument is not that once upon a time we lived authentic lives – that we used to live in authentic communities and listen to authentic music and eat authentic food and participate in authentic culture – and now that authenticity is gone,” Potter writes. No, his argument is that now that we've rejected the religious practices, social mores and hopeful belief in progress of our parents, we make do with Oprah's Book Club and Real Simple magazine, and call it authenticity instead.

About this Author
Andrew Potter is the coauthor of the international bestseller The Rebel Sell. A journalist and writer, he holds a Ph.D. in philosophy from the University of Toronto, and he is a former assistant professor at Trent University in Peterborough. He has also taught at the University of Toronto and the University of Quebec at Montreal. He is currently a public affairs columnist with Maclean’s and an editor with Canadian Business magazine.

CITATION:
Potter, Andrew. 2010. The Authenticity Hoax: How We Get Lost Finding Ourselves. McClelland & Stewart. (308 pages.)

***
Questions that might stem from this:

Does this book mean that authenticity is becoming a fore-front of modern life?
Yes, I think Taylor was right when he pin-pointed authenticity as the high moral virtue of modern life, and I think this book is showing signs of this seeping into everyday consciousness.

Why is authenticity so popular these days?
I would rather say, reflecting Potter's work, that it is actually unpopular these days. I think this is because people bought the notion that traditions were oppressive, so they ran after authenticity, believing one could create this thing completely sui generis, only to discover they were no happier than their forebearers, so now they blame authenticity, when, really, they need to look harder at how they are defining and creating the authentic.

How does this book improve the profile of my research for publication?
I think the popularity of this book will certainly help me publish an article or two, and possibly the whole dissertation, as long as I can do it before the ennui and backlash results. I certainly plan on writing a review of it, once I can convince my authentically stingy self to buy it. (Maybe I will get it for myself as a grad present.)

In what ways does my research parallel Potter? Refute or contradict?
I think, from the reviews, my work parallels his greatly by critiquing the shallowness of individualist, liberal and personalist notions of what constitutes the self and happiness. We agree on the fact that appetites and transitory notions of personal happiness, without connections to others (i.e. social capital), cannot sustain satisfaction or lifelong happiness. I think his work is valuable, as is mine, in critiquing the role of pop culture in selling us on this commercial notion of romantic happiness. He goes further than I did in exploring the commercial aspects of this happiness, though I do have some of that in there with the marketplace theory of liberal self-building. However, I think my work refutes his by having a differing definition of "authentic" - I see it not as a thing, but as a category, and to fix this malaise all one must do is open that category's definition. I seem to not agree with Potter that authenticity itself is the problem. I think authenticity is, indeed, a prime goal of life. To trash that just because people have defined it poorly is rather like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. (Of course, I have not read his "solution," so we might be closer on that than the reviews imply.) I believe the difference is that Potter really has two terms: authentic and "authentic," whereas I have just the one - that which we define as authentic that actually works for us. He rails against the "authentic," just as I critique it, but I think we both embrace the authentic to some extent. He just doesn't seem to look to communitarianism as much as I do for the solution.

Does this book hurt my reliance upon on authenticity as a meaningful link between liberalism and communitarianism?
Not at all. My inclusion of communitarian ideas of the authentic, which, I gather, is an innovation in my work, takes authenticity out of the hands of the personalists and opens the definition up to less shallow means/modes of the authentic. For this reason, I still contend that authenticity is an important goal of life.

How does my work change the definition of authenticity?
By including communitarian notions of authenticity, I am taking it away from the transitory - my work suggests that extreme individualists are wrong when they say that tradition harms the authentic self. Rather, my work suggests that one also hamrs the authentic when one ignores one's traditions. By using the contradictory definitions found in Sartre, I make the link between tradition and individualism, to come to a fuller idea of the authentic. This book doesn't harm my understanding - in fact, I think my understanding shows the ways that Potter is willfully setting authenticity in the worst possible light, when he should be shooting at better targets.

Why is my authenticity different from Potter's?
My authentic is a definition, not a thing. To put it this way - for me, the War on Terror makes no sense, because "terrorism" is not a thing that can be stopped. It is a category of behaviour that will always just crop up when people have need of it. Such is authenticity - it is not a thing (not yoga or individualism or romance), but, rather, an aim. If we keep it as a simple word - that which is true, voluntary and good for your soul - then it really can be anything, can't it? The authentic is in the eye of the beholder. I merely suggest, like Potter, that modern life is failing to make/keep us happy, so, therefore, we need to take a second look at what constitutes the authentic - not whether we need to second guess whether the authentic is a good thing to begin with.

How would this book have changed your work if it had come out soon enough for you to use it?
That is a good question, which, sadly, we cannot answer without a time machine. However, I think that I likely would have included some dialogue with this book in my conclusion, or in my chapter on authenticity - both an agreement and critique. It might have helped me refine my argument or definitions. It also might have inspired me to do more with authenticity than I did - which is one of my regrets with this work as it is, as I feel I could have done more with the authentic if it had have occurred to me sooner in the writing process. I have a feeling this book will inspire some re-writes in the process between dissertation to book, which I look forward to.

Defence To-Dos

I need to look deeper at Locke and Rawls, and find out about Walter Benjamin and Lionel Trilling, in case anyone name drops them - or in case I get a chance to name-drop them.

Also, I am intrigued by this new popular book The Authenticity Hoax. Can I find this cheaper (a lot cheaper) than the $20 they want on Amazon and the $35-whopping-big-ones at the indie bookstore down town...?

(Am reading reviews now, at least - this seems like it could be a good tool for the defence questions, since it appears that questioning authenticity might be in the air, which runs even with my research!)

I should also start a fresh notebook tomorrow for defence scribbles.

I still need to write a prose version of my talk to have on hand for future reference, and to practice.

ALSO: MUST DO ONE DEFENCE PRACTICE RELATED THING PER DAY FROM NOW TIL D-DAY.

Making Hay

I figured the best thing for me to do until I get a job, between applications and dissertation stuff, would be to seek out publication opportunities. Sadly, the one I tried today is no longer in need of writers, but there must be more shots out there - and I have that stack of old papers and cut chapters, etc, that really should go some place.

So, if you hear of anything, let me know.

PUBLISH OR PERISH!

Frog + Sparkles = GOOD TIMES



Congrats, Katie!

Bugger Question

Heard from a former colleague, who got this question at her defence:

"What is this dissertation against?--that is, what theories or research in its fields was I trying to correct or speak out against."

Umm...

Actually, not sure how to answer this.

But I hope I will be able to by May 21.

22 Days til D-Day

Our pal Katie does her thang today, and we are very excited for her and proud of her.

But it got me thinking - her defence is in the afternoon. As much as the thought of defending at 8am made me want to vomit, 9am is a good time, I think. For me, it is much better to get it over with in the morning. I have no idea what I would do with myself all morning, waiting for the trial. I'd likely pee myself to death and be completely burned out by noon.

So, no complaints here - this way, I'll have no time between wake up and starting to get obsessive. I might be a bit frazzled, but at least I won't pop a new ulser before I even start. As to during, however, I cannot promise anything.

I can't wait to hear Katie's good news in just a few hours! GOOD LUCK!

Now for Someone Else's Defence...


GOOD LUCK, KATIE!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Procrastination

Some Generic Questions

1. What is your dissertation about? (What kind of theory is it based on?)

2. What hypotheses are you looking to test? (What are your research questions? How are they operationalized?)

3. What previous related research has been done on your topic? (Give specific citations and explanations from the literature.)

4. Why is your dissertation worth doing? How is it a contribution? Does it have any "practical" use?

5. What brought you to explore this particular topic?

6. What do you think is the most important piece of related research? Explain in detail, i.e. authors' intents, hypothesis, method, findings, weaknesses, etc.

7. Explain your method. (How does it address your research questions?) Are there potential validity problems?

8. What reservations do you have about finding out what you want to know? (What are its limitations?)

9. What general impact, at best, will your dissertation have?

10. How do you see this dissertation as fitting into your career plans?

Odds and Ends

I'm thinking of trying to scrounge up an audience for a mock defence sometime in early/mid May.

Also, soon it will be time to clear out the browser bookmarks and comp files associated with TAships and student life. Soon, I will be able to dump my dissertation stuff onto disks and move it from my hard drive. I can almost hear the poor computer sigh with anticipated relief even as I type that.

Finally, a reminder for myself - taxes are due soon. Better get to that ASAP.

Etiquette Question on Gifts

Is it traditional to have a small gift for your advisor for after your successful defence? (I would give it to her after the defence is all over, as long as there's no way it could look a bribe or something.)

Anyone have an opinion on this?

I was thinking of a picture frame or a nice little charm box or something. Possibly a small business card holder, since she does ethnography. Any suggestions?

This is What My Face Looks Like When I Give a Crap


Got an email saying that I might be delinquent with this year's progress report (technically, I am not - I did send it to my advisor before the deadline, but I don't know what happened to it after that). Since that report's major "threat" is that it can get your funding pulled if you don't do it, and since my funding ran out quite some time past, and since I am about a month from laying rubber out of here, they shall have to pardon me for not being too concerned. Or at all.

Paper work should be called paper FUN!

23 Days til D-Day

Recently, I started feeling like I was missing out on the networking end of professional life, but was generally unwilling to return to Facebook. Luckily, I found Academia when Googling a former classmate's contact info, and have signed myself up. It's like FB for academics, but less personal - and more space for CV and publications, etc. I'm kind of hoping I can make some contacts for the use of job hunting. We shall see.

My external reader has already befriended me... I think that is a good thing. I think.

Got a little freaked out about the defence yesterday when the advisor emailed me to make sure I wasn't freaking out, which seems rather counter-productive. Am feeling a bit better now.

But, holy poop! JUST 23 DAYS LEFT.

OK, now I really have to get down to brass tacks on this sucker.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Big Guns

Just discovered that the head of my department is also affiliated with the cultural studies department. I have asked her to look over my course design and give me any pointers/advice she might have, and she said she'd be happy to. If her reaction is positive, I might ask her for a reference, so *fingers crossed*.

(I also sent an email off to someone I know who successfully defended her dissertation here last year, to ask if she has any advice/memories/info she'd like to share. I'm not sure what that does, as the audience/topic/dissertation/etc. will all be different, but the advisor told me to, so who am I to argue? It can't hurt, at least.)

Reaching out to my peeps, that's me.

ZOMG 24 DAYS!!!

Did you know that 24 days is NOT A LOT OF TIME?

Just a few weeks.

YIKES!

wow - Tact? Heard of it?


Just got a reply from that prof I asked to serve as a reference for me for that application I submitted yesterday. Good thing it was late, because he also informed me he had already written a reference for someone else anyway - someone who he described as a "must hire."

So, yeah.

Nice.

Question for You...

Do you guys think it is worth getting some "good" paper for printing out all these CVs, etc., or does it really make a difference if my applications are submitted on special resume paper or on regular printing paper...?

Any thoughts?

24 Days til D-Day

I know - still behind on defence prep. I plan on getting on to questions tomorrow. So, folks, PLEASE submit any practice questions you may have to the comments or via email. Thanks in advance!

Today, after submitting my other teaching application, I spent a large portion designing a special topics course I hope to sell to the cultural studies department.

I feel good about it, actually - the design is fairly competent, the subject matter interesting and the readings are appropriate.

I worry that it would be a gamble for the department to give a third year course to a new prof, but I find myself hopeful on this one - instead of selling myself to suit a class already in existence, this one is a seminar course that would be offered only once, by me, based on my original design.

It's actually kind of a thrill to create it.

And it's not even due until May 3rd!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Insider Info

It is always worth having a friendly relationship with the department administrative assistant. They are the real info centre of a department.

First, I discovered that one previous student did indeed have food at their defence, and that this admin assistant was the one who ordered it - now, I have coffee, cold drinks and cookies ordered for my own defence. I will bring a dozen doughnuts and a box of berries, myself.

Second - I have discovered that the courses for my department for fall and winter are to be posted next Monday. This doesn't give me much of an advantage, but knowing for sure that I haven't missed them does give me hope.

She asked me if I had ever taught my own course before, and I said no, sadly. She said she was sure the department would be more than willing to help me on this, and I said I hoped so. Silently, though, I have my doubts on that one.

On one hand, the department really should give me my first class, as the degree without teaching experience is actually quite useless on the job market - there are always dozens of under-employed ABDs/PhDs around with actual class experience, so getting a foot in is nearly impossible. They should know this, and I hope they are willing to give me at least one course to get the ball rolling - once I get one, I think it will be a lot easier to get classes (or a real job, dare I hope?) in the future.

But, on the other hand, I cannot blame them for not hiring me. In today's economy, they need to protect their department, as the university is always looking to hack away at departments that fail to earn. Why should they stick their necks out on a newbie with no experience when they can get tested professors? For this reason, I cannot fault them for not wanting to risk a foul-up.

That having been said, I am really hoping the admin's words were prophetic. If they took that chance, it would pretty much save my career, because, as it is, breaking into the biz with nothing but TA and research experience, even with publications, is absolutely grim.

Fingers crossed some more.

Also:

I just discovered that last week was pay day, and I got nothing, which means I have over a week to wait until I will (supposedly) get a bunch for my marking, etc.

All this means I have to either give all my current money to the rent this week or go into overdraft for it - neither are very attractive options.

"No food until May 6," or "OVERDRAFT HELL"...?

Well, biology comes before economics, and since one can survive overdraft, but I'm pretty sure you die without food, I think we have a winner.

Rats.

25 Days til D-Day

Today, I run to campus to drop off my job application before noon. The "perfect reference" never got back to me, sadly, so that's a bummer. I really hope these apps eventually turn out to be worth it, as it's becoming a bit of a pain to do these things for nothing.

And, yes, still vastly behind on my dissertation prep. 25 days left... Pretty soon, if I don't catch up, there won't be a point to catching up at all.

Onward and upward.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Let Us Sing a New Song

Tot and I have a new jingle, in honour of my upcoming Doctoral qualifications - the lyrics go, "B-A-M-A-P-H-D." (Can you tell I was tweaking my CV?)

Also, our new favourite word is "ba-ma-fed," which may be how I address myself once this is all done.

OK, so I admit that job applications are starting to screw with my grey matter.

Wish me lucks!

26 Days til D-Day

Spending the weekend on some teaching applications, and just blew an hour trying to email an old prof who would make the perfect reference for one of these courses, since I am using his readings in my mock syllabus. After sending messages to three dead emails, I think I have finally tracked down the real one. Fingers crossed.

It is absolutely deadly trying to find teaching work in light of all the budget cuts and the depressing abundance of under-employed ABDs and PhDs in this area of the country - you can't throw a rock around here without hitting someone with the qualifications and more experience than me to teach pretty much anything I could remotely apply for. And TA experience counts for pretty much zipp in the job market.

I simply have to keep pounding away at the applications until I luck into the first class - until then I am running on luck, I guess.

So, back to yet another cover letter. Do you think I should just be totally honest and beg?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Oh, by the way: FIVE YEARS OF BLOGGING!


I forgot to mention it. On April 17, the day after Charlie Chaplin's birthday (which I also neglected to mention), it was five years since this blog opened.

That's a lot of typing, navel-gazing and repetition.

CONGRATS TO ME!

28 Days til D-Day

I feel weird today. Last Friday, I was "off from work for a few days." Now I am "out of work." This, I find, makes a difference when you are sitting in your pajamas wondering how to structure your days. I'm not really depressed any more, but I am just... feeling weird.

Aimless, I guess.

Oh well - today I hope to get a bunch of cleaning done, and start getting things in order, and on Monday I'm going to stock the pantry and then start seriously preparing for the defence.

But, first - coffee.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Never Mind

I was going to post, but I deleted it. I am feeling down, and so very trapped inside my own blues, but no one is around. Heading to bed early tonight, I think, is the best course of action.

I'm tired of so much right now.

In the Meantime...

  • Clean the house
  • Get rid of unwanted/un-needed extra stuff
  • Sell off a good portion of my books and such
  • Stock up on non-perishables
  • Look into childcare options
  • Two postdoc applications
  • Edit up dissertation as much as I can before defence
  • Write three more drafts of defence lecture
  • Practice defence lecture
  • Video tape my defence lecture practice run and post it if possible for feedback
  • Do some remaining RA work
  • Put in all RA hours for pay
  • Do defence handout
  • Read some extra stuff for defence prep
  • Make and do defence practice questions
  • Do regular job searches and APPLY APPLY APPLY
  • Have some down time, get some sleep, and eat regularly
  • TAXES!


And if you actually read all that crap, here's a little bonus awesome.

29 Days til D-Day

Well, I just ended my final proctoring shift, and am now I am, aside from a few more RA hours, officially without work with no real prospects in the near future. I am a combination of freaked out and numb. By my calculations, I might be able to hold things together until August 1 rent is due... so I have until July 31st to figure out how we shall survive, post-grad.

But, at least I have less than a month to my defence, so I hope that will keep me hopping in the meantime, enough to obscure the menacing and potentially devastating financial storm on my horizon.

I'm ok. Just feeling a little blue.

Finishing a degree pretty much wrecks your life as you know it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wake Up Call


I finally saw Coraline tonight, and I must say I enjoyed it - it was really quite well written for a 3D movie (which usually seem like they didn't have writers, only animators who hoped everyone would be too busy gasping "whoa!" and pawing the air for whatever whizzbanger appeared to be floating from the screen into their face-space to notice there was little else to the movie), and the atmosphere was captivating.

I hope to try the 3D side of the disk at some point in the near future - tonight, I correctly decided that 3D glasses would be ruined almost instantaneously by riotous toddler. Nevertheless, it was a good time without the whizzbangers.

Though, I must admit tales about a small child who escapes into a fantasy world because her parents are too busy with work (at computers) to be caring, present and enjoyable does cut a little close to home. *gulp*

Note to self: Never snap at tot over the rim of a coffee cup and across a keyboard from a pinched, bag-eyed face... In a white turtleneck sweater, at least. OK, that last part, I think I can do.

:(

Things We Have Learned from Zombies


from Necromantic Media

One Month til Defence

So, here it is - the one month mark.

I've been working on the never ending polishing process, but I have to get back down to defence prep now. With luck, I will be able to write the new rough draft of my lecture today. I really need to get cracking on working on practice questions, as well as speed up my extra reading (things I suspect people will ask me about at the defence, as in "why didn't you include such-n-such...?"). I have compiled a few sample questions, but not enough.

I hope to start doing one a day today or tomorrow.

For now... What the heck am I doing?

That's a good place to start.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

31 Days to D-Day

Still running. Working for money again this week. Gone all day, and come home to find 22 emails in my inbox. bah.

Also, STILL finding typos in the dissertation. Let's just hope the external is just as blind to them as I seem to have been for the past six months.

Monday, April 19, 2010

You Kenna Change the Laws of Physics





32 Days til D-Day


I'm awake... Just wheel me over to the coffee before I get started, k?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"A Nearly Flawless Day." *

That is what I had just said moments before my fresh-from-the-tub tot peed on the floor. I love motherhood.

*Despite the unfortunate urination incident, however, the day really was very nearly flawless. A great combination of work and play, and good moods all around. YAY!

Howevers, Section Breaks and Ampersands...

Doing some fine tuning on the manuscript so I have left to do during the Hell Days between May 21 (defence) and May 31 (last day to submit for binding with full tuition refund).

May I say that is is absolutely stunning how many glaring bits of cruddiness is still left in this thing, this far in???

Now for more important decisions...

Does anyone know if the candidate is expected to bring refreshments to the defence? Or does anyone feel that I should?

I was thinking of a very simple spread, assuming about 12 people in attendance. A dozen doughnuts, a dozen muffins, a half dozen croissant, a box of fresh strawberries and a jug of orange juice. Sound ok?

(Also: What's better for a seminar-type gathering - doughnuts or Timbits?)

I know it's a lot, but I figure it's better not to do it at all than do it chintzy, right? Besides, the extras can go back to the grad student lounge and main office with my (hopefully triumphant) compliments... and, if I fail, I will need the fats and sugars as a cheap substitute for Prozac.

I will ask either the chair of my dept or the grad studies folks about it this week - and if there is a way to get an urn of coffee in the room, as I have no means to manage this one myself.

OK... Now back to the real work.

(Click on comic for larger image.)

33 Days Til D-Day

I have decided to scrap the defence lecture I wrote last week and try it again.

First of all, I think doing this several times is a good way to prepare for the defence itself. Also, this is basically the most important 20 minute talk of my life, so it's not a bad idea to do a couple completely new drafts to make sure I'm not just settling. Further, I got a reply from my currently ill advisor in response to some questions I asked her last week which has kind of changed the way I am thinking about this.

The basic decision I thought I had to make was between reading a section of the dissertation (which is what some students I know did), or providing a 20 minute summary of the whole (which is what another prof suggested). However, my advisor proposed a "radical" idea of not actually discussing the dissertation at all - or, rather, not discussing my research.

She suggested spending my 20 minutes discussing the "behind the scenes" of it all. Why did I choose the topic? What sources did I use/discard? What were the earlier versions of things? What do I see as the good points or weaknesses? What were the toughest decisions and how do I explain what I ended up doing? Etc. The point is, she suggested, to speak to the committee and their concerns/curiosity, and not to the audience, and to expect the audience just to be there as support and not to hear new and illuminating information on my subject.

She has also opined that there is no call for any audio-visual materials. (Though I do think that I will have a single sheet double-sided handout with my dissertation outline and possibly some key terms on it. I still think this is useful, and not a "crutch," as she suggested it might be perceived.)

This way of seeing the defence is not all that radical, as this is what I was told to do for my MA defence, basically, including what my work contributes new and what further study could grow from what I have done. I had nearly forgotten that this was the process way back when, but now that I recall it, it does make total sense.

Thus, my defence will literally be a defence - it will be a statement on my work, explaining myself and promoting my work as I see it.

So, this is the outline I am thinking of for my new lecture:

Explanation and Defence of Project
15 - 20 minutes
  • Intro/Preamble: Thesis Questions and Arguments (1 minute)
  • Main Sources and Some Films Used (1 minute)
  • Why This Topic in this Dept and Program? (2 minutes)
  • Methods (3 minutes)
  • Theory (2 minutes)
  • What this Project Adds to Sources/Fields (1 minute)
  • Strengths (3 minutes)
  • Decisions that Need Explanation (3 minutes)
  • Weaknesses (1 minute)
  • Areas for Future Work (1 minute)
  • Conclusion (1 minutes)
  • Thank Yous, etc. (1 minute)
[Questions/Comments/The Traditional Tossing of Rotten Fruit.]

Any thoughts? Any questions? Feedback is very much welcome.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

(Click for enlarged comic.)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Big News

Tonight at supper, the tot said a FULL SENTENCE!

"No, I don't want that!"

A bit jumbled in pronunciation, but generally clear as a bell.

He's said smaller linked words before, like "where go?" but this is his biggest lingual achievement thus far. I'm very proud (though I do wish he enjoyed carrots more).

Oh Well, On to the Next

So, though my interview went quite well, I did not get the job. It was pretty great of them to let me know so fast, but the news is still pretty sucky.

I can't say that I am horribly surpized, though, since it was office work and I have no "real" office experience or training. So, I take this less of a "we don't want you" than a "we found someone who seemed a better option."

That, however, doesn't pay the rent.

So, on to the next...

second thoughts

I was planning on going to the departmental party this afternoon, but am having serious second thoughts.

On the one hand, it would be good to do some networking and self-promotion, and let people know I am still around and nearly finished, etc. This will be the last function, I think, before I am done (I hope). Any one of these people might be a factor in me getting work some day, so I should make an effort to play nice and get a happy face next to my name in their heads.

But, there's a large problem on the other hand. I would be bringing the tot along. After a stressful week, for both of us, I am not sure it is fair to us to go through more stress. Also, given the general attitudes towards moms, and the perception that some of us can't handle our private lives and work, at the same time, going could actually be quite counter-productive. The party is being held at the president's guest house, which I am sure has lots of breakable things. Also, the chances of him tantruming are fairly significant - he is two, afterall. So, I would feel terribly under inspection at all times, especially when dealing with said inevitable tantrum. No matter how calmly I dealt with that tantrum, people who do not have kids (or who have kids but dump them on their partners) would see me as a bad mother. I might actually be cementing in their minds this image of me as a mess of a person.

Perhaps it is best just to let the notices of my defence speak for me, and not put myself out there in person.

Besides, I think we both deserve a break - go do the marketing, and get some cleaning/dishes/laundry done, and rest up for next week. Do things where people weren't scoring my performance for future job consideration.

I don't know which way to go on this.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Drive-By Update

Been working a lot for money, without internet, which has cut into my blogging.

Am doing some extra reading to keep the mind working for the defence, which is now less than 40 days away (see ticker). Wrote a rough draft of my defence lecture, but will do a lot of editing to it, as well as practice, over the next month. I am way behind on my question prep - please make any suggestions that come to mind.

Things are ok, the tot is fine. Been watching a lot of Due South on my off-time. Submitted my final annual progress report, but renewed my student ID. Finished my marking gig. Job interview went very well. Weather is very nice.

Exciting, huh?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Blah

Am up tonight, when I should be sleeping to make sure I am not a total dolt tomorrow at my interview. I am fairly stressed about finding a job - there's not much to be had anywhere, especially not in academics.

I kind of feel like I have screwed up so badly in my professional life that there's no chance I will get a "real job," anyway, and now sessional positions are so hard to come by, I'm not likely to be able to scratch out much of a living that way, either. I am pretty screwed, really.

I'm seriously thinking of abandoning academics, but I'm not sure what else I am even remotely qualified for - everything else, I will likely be deemed over-qualified for.

I'm pretty depressed right now. Not a good way to be facing an interview - for a job, which, let's face it, I am not all that likely to get.

F*ck.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday Morning, Feeling Fine

I am proud of myself today. I fell asleep fairly early last night unwillingly, but woke up at 4.45am this morning - I finished my exam marking, averaged the grades and had them plugged into the computer grade book by the time the tot woke at 7.30. So now I am done the major task for the day, and the day is barely rolling. Not bad at all.

We had our weekly French toast feast, and things have been going quite smoothly. Soon, we will head out for a nice, long walk. I think we might hit the dollar store to see if we can scoop up some more post-Easter chocolate on sale. Never a bad idea to have a bunch of that squirreled away.

I have a job interview tomorrow, though, so I will have to spend a few hours prepping for that today, and I really should fill in my annual progress report to send off to the advisor very soon. Those are the other two tasks on my list today, aside from laundry and general life stuff.

Still, marking done. Not bad, at all.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

unexpected encouragement

Got a nice email from a former student who heard through the grapevine that I am soon defending, to wish me luck and thank me for the things she learned in my class. That really made my day!

very good, as well

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Funny or Annoying...?

I just noticed that Sprout, at some point in his adventures, took a pen to a whole book of my postage stamps. Since some areas, I have seen, cancel stamps with a pen mark, I am now not confident in using these lest the letter be return with insufficient postage.

I guess he just wanted to make the queen blue for a change.

Ahhh... Life with small children is never dull.

Bank Card MIA

I've lost my bank card somewhere, and it is driving me nuts. There's been no activity on it, so I don't think anyone has it... I suspect it is actually some place in the apartment. Somewhere. Enough to break a person's brain!

The thing is, I am fairly sure I last saw the tot with it on Thursday evening, but I was so out of it with fatigue and stress from having just submitted my dissertation that I might have just imagined it, and have no clue where it might be. I have hunted around while cleaning, and no sign.

sigh. I guess the only thing to do is head to the bank for a new one.

Someday, my life will be tidy.

Monday, April 05, 2010

It's Official!

My defence has been set for May 21, 2010, at 9am (not 8am, thank heavens!), in the Dean's Boardroom.

EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Yes, I Know it Says "Fogive"... But the Sentiment Still Counts... I'm Trying to be Uplifted Here, Dammit!

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Enemies and Adversaries, Try and Tear Me Down

Man is subject to innumerable pains and sorrows by the very condition of humanity, and yet, as if nature had not sown evils enough in life, we are continually adding grief to grief and aggravating the common calamity by our cruel treatment of one another.


- Joseph Addison

still ticking.

Friday, April 02, 2010

That's All She Wrote

Yesterday, I submitted my dissertation to grad studies, and have my defence in seven weeks.

We're entering End Game, now, folks.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

:(

I can't take this any more. I just sent an email to my advisor telling her I am withdrawing from the program... just a day short of handing in my dissertation. It was just too flawed, and I have not the time to fix it.

Not sure what to do now, except sleep...

Read more here.

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