Neil Diamond - I Am... I Said (Stereo!)

The Zombies - Time of the Season (HD) (MolotovTV)

behind

Recent tasks and upheavals (and, I'll admit it, too much sleep and slacking) have left me behind on my current writing projects.

I meant to have my 15k holiday short done for tomorrow, but as I only have about 2k done, that ain't gonna happen. I managed to get an extension until Oct 15, but I can only afford to give myself until Oct 5, or it will knock out my 5k holiday erotic short and my 7k Valentines Day short.

So, 15k short for Oct 5 (which means about 4k a day in order to find time for editing and maybe a beta reader); Oct 15 for my 7k Valentine's Day short; Nov 1 for my 5k holiday erotic... and then Dec 31 for my full length novel.

(Not to mention the job apps I want to do, and the academic chapter I want to submit for October 15, which will require me to select and renovate a dissertation chapter. And course prep for next term, of course, and some editing, etc, for money, as well as another lecture to do for October.)

Yowzers.

WRITE WRITE WRITE! GO GO GO!

Another Month Conquered

After a marathon day of errands, rent is paid, and so are my school fees, so I am pleased to say my degree will be officially wrapped up in October. I am still not sure I'll be able to go, as that will depend on scraping up $115 for the grad gown fees, but I will at least get the degree itself.

And now we have tapioca to celebrate! :D

One of the Best Songs, Ever

Still alive, though exhausted.

But I could listen to this song forever.

lecture

Trying to prepare a three hour class for tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time forcing myself to do the work. Part of it is I am freaked out about printing all those pages off, but I just figured out the main reason.

Doing this will mean I have to look at my dissertation again after nearly four months of freedom from the damn thing. This is also why I haven't been able to prepare the submission an editor has requested for a volume he's putting together.

I am really reluctant to ever open that damn thing ever again.

But, duty calls. sigh.

sniffles

I had the makings of a migraine all day today, which I attributed to the humid weather. And I had some coughing and such, which I attributed to asthma... Now, I have a stuffy nose and am sneezing like mad. I am tempted to attribute this to allergies.

But I fear I must admit I may be getting sick.

yippeeeee.

TCB

I working on problems, and trying to keep on writing. I feel I am making progress on both scores. I hope.

I am hoping I can juggle grad fees, rent and bills, while not starving... We'll see about that.

Just wanted to give you an update, in case you were concerned the stress finally pushed me off the deep end.

:P

*laugh of insanity*

I emailed my advisor to let her know that it now looks pretty unlikely I will be able to afford to graduate, only to find out that she left town without remembering to leave me the $200 she owes me. (Money that was once earmarked to pay the uni fees, but which I now desperately need for a bill, to put towards rent, or possibly food.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, lordy. It would be HILARIOUS if it wasn't so fucked up.

So Very Screwed

The money that I was expecting to finally come in today (after not coming last month) now will not likely come until November 20, at the latest. Now I do not have money for the rent, or bills, let alone the back fees I owe the university for which they are holding my degree ransom. Never even mind about the stupid grad gown fee, as that is not even on my radar screen any more.

I am going down in flames.

Update: Still Alive

I am hanging in there. Trying to get my work done, and feel ok.

Spent a good portion last night helping my advisor complete the application package for the award I will not be there in person at grad to receive, even if I win it by some miracle. (sigh.) Today, I worked towards banking some posts for the author blog, to free up my week a bit for "real writing." I've also got a butt load of academic stuff to do this week - a lecture or two to write/prepare, a chapter of the diss to modify for publication, a couple job postings to address.

So, yep - that's about it. Nothing fancy, but I'm hanging in there.

LA TRAVIATA - Drinking Song

I'm Glad It's Raining

I always loved this song.

I kind of feel like I am about to crack.

But... I can't/won't.

So what, I won't be able to go to convocation? Who cares about that?

I am alive, and I will continue to survive. Somehow, I will do that.

I am heart sore at being here in exile right now, and not in Nova Scotia where I belong, where I have people who remember my name without being reminded.

But I have the tot. And myself.

I will manage, because I have to.

End of story.

not so happy friday

I regret to say I called home today to hear that my aunt Cathy passed away this morning after a long battle with cancer.

Sending all positive thoughts to my family all the way back home, especially to her two children.

I wish I could be with my mum this week as she buries her baby sister.

poop, again

So now, after finagling to figure out a way to pay the university the back money I owe them for fees and such, in order to be able to graduate in October, it now turns out that I need to pay an additional $115 for gown rental (NOT a deposit, which is another $100 - it is non-refundable), which means I will not be attending convocation.

However, I think I have the fees under control, so I will be receiving my piece of paper... In a tube, through the mail, like every other degree since high school.

Oh well. Purple never was my best colour, anyway.

happy friday!

Woke up at 4, found an acceptance in my email (!), did the edits, and sent them back... all before 6am... all before my morning coffee!


ETA: I'm going to enjoy having my story accepted, and not let people get to me, or think about things I'm behind on, etc. Or get bogged down in guilt over anything. I'm going to enjoy this, and I am going to enjoy this day.

at the moment...

Please, carry on.

Paint it Black

hump day

Today, I have to tame this messy living room down a bit, and I have to scrounge up some groceries on a very little money. And I have to do some major writing, since I have been really groggy and slacking these past few days.

I also want to think about sending in the short story by the end of the week, if possible - I think I need the motivation another acceptance would give me. I've used up the motivation from the first one, I guess.

I'm a bit glum today, but I'm hoping some coffee and productivity will help with that.

Just keep on rolling.

Some Good Morning Music

Such a Moron

Who? Me. I'm a moron.

I put things off and put things off, playing chicken with reality, to the point where I make my own troubles.

sigh.

perspective

You know what's crazy? I never did give myself a pat on the back for finishing my PhD. I spent no time celebrating that or savouring it. I went on to job hunting and the teaching portfolio. And then I got a course. And I didn't pause to enjoy that, either. I then moved on to getting my novel published. But then you know what happened? It got accepted, and I didn't really feel good about that, either! Now I am on to getting some short pieces published and my full length written, etc.

It's crazy, when you think about it. I never appreciate my laurels. I only see "what next?" I'm like a shark who'll die if she stops.

You know how some people look in the mirror and see themselves as fat, no matter how skinny they are? I am like that, but with brains or accomplishments, or personal triumphs, etc. I am just never satisfied, no matter what I do. I never have been.

Anyway, this song helps me pause and put all this in perspective. It reminds me that I really need to take a moment and enjoy my grad this time, since I have never bothered going to any of my previous university graduations. I always just got them to mail me the degree, because I was already off to new goals.

That's a problem. I need to do something about that.

Team America - Freedom isn't free

NaNoWriMo? Anyone?

Folks, I am considering joining up for NaNoWriMo for November 2010, which challenges writers to complete a new 50,000 word novel in one month... Am I insane?

Pros:

• I have finished my paranormal erotic in draft, and now have to do my holiday novella for October, which means my planned full length novel (of 60,000-65,000 words) will be done entirely (aside from the 1,400 prologue I did in August and the outlines) in November and December, anyway, so I can start my winter 2011 full length project on time in January 2011. (I would, of course, not include the already written prologue in the 50,000 words for November, and just start with Chapter One.)
• NaNoWriMo would force me to write the rough draft in November (so I can then edit/re-write in December) in a way that makes the panic somewhat fun.
• Deadlines are good, and since this novel has no publisher yet, it would be useful to have a fire under me. Otherwise, I might falter.
• I can encourage donations to a worthy cause.
• I think I can do it, as it is reasonable to assume I can aim for 1k per day, with at least one or two days a week resulting in 4-5k. (This has been my average so far.) Ergo, 30 days x 1k + (4 days x 5k) = 50k, give or take.
• There's no loss if I don't make it, other than Pride Wounds.

Cons:

• I have a toddler, so any formal obligation is hard to commit to.
• I am anxious about what kind of quality writing NaNoWriMo usually produces.
• I have a toddler.
• I dislike Pride Wounds.
• I have a toddler.
• I would be forced to wait until Nov 1 to get back to the full length if I made this commitment, even if I finished the holiday novella well before that. (Though, this might leave me time to squeeze in another short, or even take a little break to work on non-fiction stuff.)
• I have a toddler.

So... any thoughts?

Shana Tova Umetukah

The Bangles - If She Knew What She Wants

three current projects

This term, I have three writing projects on the go:

• A short holiday romance (10,000 words, approx.)
• A paranormal erotic short story (ca. 4,000 words)
• A contemporary full-length (65,000 words, max)

The holiday story is due for November 1, and the short story can be done "quickly," and the full-length is not on any deadline except my own, but I want it done before the new year so I can start shopping it to publishers and start my winter term novel.

So, I guess I should hit the holiday romance first, do the erotic one in some burst of sudden enthusiasm, and work steadily at the full-length throughout the term, right?

But I find myself so lax in energy and motivation right now.

I remind myself of Philip Roth's wise advice:

"The amateur waits for inspiration; the professional just gets up and goes to work."

So, I'm just going to get up and go to work...

Watch me go...

Tom Waits- I Hope I Don't Fall In Love With You

Tom Waits "Hold On"

sleep is my nemesis

I've been sleeping way too much.

Not sure why, but possibly the nice weather, or the fact that I've only been drinking coffee only during the day, and none after supper. Whatever it is, I always mean to stay up after the tot goes to bed so I can write, but I just don't make it. I fall asleep with him while putting him to bed!

So, I've been getting 8 hours a night, which is nice for my body, but not so nice for my three writing projects I want to get done this term. Seriously not nice for the 1K word goal I have per day. Writing during the day is not always possible, so I just need to forgo sleep.

Coffee, it is.

Getting By

I'm writing when I can, though not as much as I should, and keeping things on an even keel. Trying to avoid negativity and keeping to myself.

In general, a nice, rainy weekend.

Thinking of Home

Nova Scotia, hunker down and watch yourself until Earl passes you by.

Cat Stevens - Miles From Nowhere

long weekend

So, what's everybody got planned for the long weekend?

Here, if the humidity is indeed better, I plan on taking care of some long overdue house chores:

• deep clean the kitchen and bathroom
• clear out fridge and freezer
• picking up everywhere and doing the floors
• catching up on back laundry
• getting rid of all that recycling piling up
• boxing up all extra books, etc, to unload them on a book seller
• clearing out the bedroom for a play room
• convert crib to tot bed

That's a lot to do in one weekend, but I can't put it off any longer. I can't just delay it any more because tot will get in the way - I'll just have to work around him.

So, not really exciting plans for the long weekend, really, but I'm enthusiastic about it, at least. :)

Time Out For Fun

hope?

I might be digging myself out of the hole a bit - not much, but enough to see light. Possibly.

Cross your fingers for me.

money

So, if I don't get together an extra $300 by Sept 30, I will not graduate in October. This on top of the rent and other bills (plus food) I need to scrape up from lord knows where this month.

So, yeah. I won't be graduating this October. Not sure if I ever will now.

I am so glad I wasted so much tuition over the past years. So terribly glad.

not much to say, really

It's hot, humid, smoggy and nasty. I've got some annoying errands to run, and I have to force myself to do them very soon. Already starting to panic a bit about October's rent, after just narrowly making September's rent.

I need some peace.