What the Hell?

I slept a full eight hours last night, but I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. I am still so tired, I could head to bed for about twelve more hours.

Not good, since I still have to get ready for that conference on Friday.

Ugh.

Boo!

Morning From Hell

I have no hot water, so I can't shower before I have to leave at 9 because it's icy as hell in this place, and there's no way I can get into cold water without dying of cardiac arrest.

To top it off, I puked my guts out - literally. I was empty, so nothing but acid came up, and I can still feel the burn. It is too close between waking up and leaving, and my system can't handle it. The baby is firmly telling me to get back in bed where we belong. Sorry, laddy, can't do it, as much as I'd like to.

Note to self: Early morning appointments just can't be done.

Errands Ahoy!

Spent the day takin' care of BIZZNAZZ.

A few crises averted, some long overdue issues handled, some funding applications handed in, and some personal correspondence handled. Big news has to be the fact that Murph's immigration application is coming together like gangbusters!

So, busy Monday, but a successful one, nonetheless.

Goin' Below Zero

Tonight marks the first time the weather man has predicted us to go below freezing this season. Get those woolies on and hug someone tight.

Ding dong - might summer actually be dead, at long last? Might I actually hope for such a thing? Seems to too good to be true!

So, That's It

I finalized my big funding application proposals and online application forms today. One more SSHRC/OGS season done, unless my final drafts need typo damage control tomorrow.

Done and done.

I Got Nothing

So, yeah, no post yesterday, and, really, none today. Been slightly mopey, despite my recent wins on the fruit fly front. (FYI traps made of bowls of vinegar/oj with saran wrap covers works like gangbusters!)

This weekend marks the end of my long SSHRC/OGS ordeal, so that's good; now on to that conference I am speaking at on Friday. Whopee!

Not v.g.

Was on campus proctoring an exam, and I could have sworn I saw a fruit fly buzzing around my head... have they started following me?

Understandably, I think the whole thing is giving me a complex.

I'm Trying to Not See it as a Metaphor for Life Itself

Clouds of fruit flies have taken over my apartment, and I have no idea why or from whence they are coming. I am doing all the normal stuff like taking out my recycling and garbage, and keeping the dishes and kitchen surfaces clean, etc., but they still keep coming. They are starting to feel like a curse of biblical proportions. Just when I seem to make headway, more come.

It is too close to the grander scheme of things in my life these days...

I Should Have Done More

This weekend is now gone, and I did so much less than I had planned - the marking I was doing was more complex than I had reckoned on, and I was still more sluggish from my flu than I had anticipated. Excuses, I know.

I am so tired of swimming against the current.

Hey - Where Did October Go?

Man, I know it was just early October a few days ago... how could I have misplaced it? It was September, which fled the scene rather too quickly... and then it was early October... and then... nope. I don't know what happened after that. There was marking, I remember... and conference crap to deal with... and proposals... and TA malarky... Oh, and getting a job to support my sorry ass next term... Well, whatever happened, October is now, for all intents and purposes, gone. For whatever reason, that's just a fact I have to deal with, and things are getting hectic around here.

So, now that October has almost gone, mysteriously, I have extra marking for dollars to do, exam proctoring to get through, and a conference paper to finish, and a review to write, and funding proposals to finalize... all this week... Yup.

Fall has kicked my ass, and I haven't even been able to complete that chapter on the dissertation (you know, the real work) like I had hoped. Let's hope November is a little less harry with gnat-like hoops to jump through, as I am tired of having the actual reason I am in school obscured by the day-to-day grind of merely being in school.

I present at conferences so I can someday get a job. Ditto with the reviews. Also, so I can put them on my crappy funding proposals. Why do I do the funding proposals? Because it is becoming increasingly likely I will have to drop out next year because here at Cheap-Assed-U they only fund you for three years in a PhD. So one course of action would be to finish the dissertation this year so I can not drop out but graduate next Xmas, just as the money ends, right?

That would be ideal, if I didn't have the funding proposals and the conference, you see. And why am I doing the conference again? Oh yes, so I can get a job when I graduate... but that won't happen if I have to drop out... but I need to do them to get a job... but they increase my chances of dropping out... errr... error... cannot compute...

BOOM!

Today We Mourn TV Links

I just found out that one of my favourite sites, ever, has been raided. TV Links, a site that let you watch all manners of TV, documentaries and movies via streaming video, was shut down on Friday for facilitating copyright infringement.

Really, I understand that such things are illegal, but I really don't think that the movie industry is hurting so bad that it needs to piss all over a site that doesn't even let you keep the things you watch. If Hollywood is going broke, it really needs to wonder why it keeps producing shite no one wants to pay to see.

So, we bid adieu to TV Links. We're going to miss you.

Off to the Salt Mines

I work today proctoring exams, which is a pretty nice gig but still a bit of a time suck. I can't use a comp there, so that kind of cramps my style, since I have about 8 hours of electronic marking to squeeze into this weekend. Oh well - at least I can print out a copy of the SSHRC and OGS proposals and cut them vigorously while I sit there and stare at a bunch of kids sweating through a Math 101 exam.

Oh, and banking stuff today, too, which adds a good two hours on my day. Yippee.

Holly's Sick Day(s) Viewing

So, I am finally feeling a bit better. My lungs are evicting the plague from my body - which is certainly unpleasant, but I am surviving. I had a nasty fever yesterday while teaching; and if you think sweating like a hog in front of 20 17-year-olds is a fun thing, then you're nuts. It was, in fact, like every high school nightmare I ever had.

But I treated myself a bit gently the past two nights. After holding myself together during the day and even getting my required tasks done, I took the evenings off to sit back and watch a few classic weepy gems.

On Tuesday night it was Frankie and Johnny (1991), which not only manages to make Al Pachino somehow sexy, but also gives a good story with decent writing. In many ways a pretty standard romance, the performances and the characters always make this one a treat. Besides, my mum loved that song when I was a kid.

Last night, I soaked in the warm bubble bath that is An Officer and a Gentleman (1982). Richard Gere at his peak, Debra Winger at her most charming; this movie is so familiar to me now, I can recite it. Besides, it has an added bonus - it's not just a romance, it also has one of the best portrayals of male bonding and inspiration ever, with the Mayo and Foley plot. Besides, anyone who's ever been to grad school finds enormous attraction to the whole "I'm going to stomp you until you DOR, candidate" routine.

"No, sir - you can kick me outta here, but I ain't gonna quit... I got nothing else..." Yup... that's PhD, alright.

Not sure what's on for tonight, but I think I should aim for the trifecta of 80s/90s romances, and hit something on the theme. Not even I can stomach Ghost (1990), so I might just go for a bit of Say Anything (1989). Mmmmmm... (young) Cusack.

Happy viewing!

Looking Forward to Hell

So, I have not been able to sleep more than a scattered half hour here and a half hour there, and I am feeling sick. I threw up like three times yesterday, and my head of completely blocked up.

Well, to make matters even better, I teach two classes starting in just over five hours from now. Yippee!

Can anyone say group work?

Holly's Sick Day Soup

• 5 cups of boiling water
• 2 cubes of 2-cup vegetable bullion
• 1 cup of boiled small pasta shells (or small egg noodles, if preferred)
• 1 boiled potato, diced
• 1/3 fresh stalk of celery
• 1 palmful of shredded fresh red cabbage
• 1 palmful of shredded fresh carrot
• 1/2 cup of frozen mixed veggies (peas, carrots, green beans, lima beans, corn)
• 1/3 cup of frozen corn nibblets
• 1/3 cup of canned chick peas
• 1/3 cup of ground soy (which is a sort of fake hamburger made of tofu)
• 1 tablespoon of iron enriched dehydrated parsley
• salt, black pepper, garlic, sage, and cayenne pepper to taste

Boil water and bullion with spices and parsley, and add the celery, shredded carrot and cabbage, and let simmer for about 5 minutes while you boil the starches. Add boiled pasta and potato, and let simmer until the desired softness. Add chick peas and ground soy, and then the frozen veggies. Spice as needed, and let simmer until flavours are infused. Add water as needed to maintain desired consistency and flavour. For extra body, you can add boiled rolled oats, and for more flavour, you can add diced onion (I just didn't have any). Be creative!

The whole soup shouldn't take much more than an hour to prepare from start to finish, and takes one large soup pot, and a few smaller pots for boiling the side ingredients. It makes about 7 bowls of soup, and can easily be refrigerated and re-heated as needed, and can actually taste better as a leftover. It is perfect for letting you survive over several meals' worth of illness that just won't let you cook anything more labour intensive.

Serve with bread, garlic bread, cubed cheese or grilled cheese (if you feel up to it), and with tea, ginger ale, lemon water, juice or some similar sick-day beverage of your choice. My favourite is grape punch mixed with lemon concentrate. And drink plenty of water! For dessert, I recommend a raw orange or a bowl of lemon sherbet or something similar.

And feel better!

sick

yup

Monday

Ugh.

Looking down the barrel of quite a nasty day - proctoring from 11am to 2.30pm, then a frantic finishing of some marking (my bad for not getting it done sooner), and then office hour and then class, in which I lecture for an hour or so...

By the time I get home at 11 tonight, I'll be dashed.

Ugh.

How to Best Fill One Hour...?

Today, I am preparing a lecture for an undergraduate class tomorrow, but I have to admit that, aside from picking a topic and thinking about it a bit, I really don't know what to do with my time. I have one hour to give my talk and show a good, illustrative clip. Oh, and I have marking left to do, too.

It's going to be a busy day.

How is it Friday Already?

Man, this week was a blur.

One more day to get through, though, so no lallygagging yet.

Lallygagging tomorrow.

*yawn*

Anyone else bored with yesterday's election and its results? What a non-event. I know I personally am not as into provincial politics as federal, and certainly not Ontario's politics (I consider myself a Nova Scotioner in exile, not an Ontaronian, thanks). However, now that I am In the Family Way, I did do my bit. Too bad we all wake up to pretty much no change and a blah 52% voter turnout.

Well, that was worth the shoe sole I wasted walking to the polls.

Busy, Busy Day

All is well, but I'm bushed. Now to settle in for some quiet time to decompress from a day of running - my feet are killing me.

Oh, and on that note, if you are walking around K-W tonight, watch out for the earth worms - the sidewalks are covered! But the rain is lovely, anyway.

STRESS

Need to come down from all this shite or I might burst. Which thing has to be done when? How long? Where do I have to be? When? What email has to be sent, and who isn't replying? Who do I have to call to straighten this out with? By when? How much to I owe, and how will I get that much? When do I have to deliver what lecture? How much marking, by when? What do I have to write? How long?

OHMYGOODGRANNYINAHELLISHHANDBASKET.

I'm so toast. So ready to just drop out right now and spend a month in some nice rest home for the insane.

Oh, Yes, and It Gets Worse

Yeah, I'm also sick - been sneezing constantly since I woke up, I have a sore throat, and I'm generally cranky and fuzzy-headed.

YAY!

hmmmm...

I woke up this morning with this horrible feeling that I'm forgetting something - like I'm supposed to be somewhere today, but I don't remember where or when or what. Man, I hate that feeling.

Maybe it's because I didn't do even 1/3 of all the crap I had hoped to get through this weekend, and it's making me paranoid. sigh.

I Believe that I shall Swoon

Lordy - I am far from the fainting kind, but I nearly went on my arse today. I can only remember a handful of faints in my whole life, before now. Today, I felt it coming on me a couple times.

I was hungry, but putting off food until the dishes were done - suddenly WHOMP! I had to sit down before I was thrown down. I quickly grabbed a handy Hallowe'en sized chocolate bar and a can of cold ginger ale, and rested until I felt well enough to make lunch. That has restored me, largely, but I am still left puzzled by the reaction.

In my first trimester, I would get queasy if I got too hungry - but feeling faint after putting food off for a half hour is new to me. I am guessing it might be a combination of the outrageous heat today (36C with the humidex!) and the housework I am doing, along with the normal issues of needing to feed a growing 20-week baby, as well as myself. It seems to me, I've heard of a lot of women fainting during pregnancy, especially in the heat. However, it is a little disturbing to have it come now, when I didn't get it at all in the early months.

Anyway, I will talk to the doctor about it, and see the nutritionist on campus - maybe see if a blood test is needed. The worst case scenario is that it's a bit of prenatal hypoglycemia, I think, but no sense in self-diagnosing now. For now, I will just make sure I have food handy, and hope the temperatures go back to normal soon.

So, Yah...

As you can see, I was a little down and bored and out of sorts yesterday. The weather was rather conducive to wandering, and I was feeling the pinch of having no one to wander with. See, most of the time, I am ok living alone and interacting maybe one person for one hour a week - three people on some busy weeks. But, once in a while, it gets to me. Yesterday was like that.

But I called a friend and caught up, and I webcammed with Murph, and I talked to the baby. I generally just tried to force myself out of the funk. True, it wasn't a stroll through the park or an ice cream cone shared over some laughs, but it was really the best life had to offer.

Sure, my life isn't really overflowing with excitement or human contact, but those few friends I do have are pretty great. In truth, I don't really have a lot of time to hang out with people, nor do I have a lot of money for lunch and shopping dates, so I guess it's for the best.

I already did some dishes, which is starting to make me feel human again. This afternoon, I will take care of a thing or two on my list of tasks. Tonight, I will make homemade popcorn on the stove. I will put in a movie. I will put my feet up, and pull the tab on a cold can of something fizzy.

Things will be ok. Eventually.

What's That? I Think I Hear a Foghorn... BOOOORRR-ING!

Sigh. I am sick of never having anything to do for fun outside my crappity apartment, and no one to do anything with. I know - lame excuses for problems. But the isolation is really starting to get to me.

Damn this city, anyway. I don't even know what I'm doing here, since not a single person in it will give me the time of day - or would rather spit at me than say hello.

Maybe it's just time to find a nice cave somewhere.

Happy Thanksgiving (Canada)!

IT'S A BOY!

Yup - ultrasound went fine. Baby is healthy, active, and, indeed, unmistakably male.

As to this long weekend, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. As for me, I have a list of to-do's I have put off for far too long. Students always think long weekends can work magic and get them caught up with a month's worth of extra work. How we always figure that, I don't know, but I don't remember a time it has ever worked out as dreamed.

However, yet again, I will give it a shot this year... Wish me luck.

Boy or Girl?

As much as I hate clinics and examinations, etc., and as wrong as I think sitting in someone's office in your undies is, I can't help but be a little psyched to see the little one today on our second ultrasound. Today, we should be able to see if it is a boy or a girl, which is something almost worth the horror of the semi-public nudity. (Almost.)

Today, I think it's a girl, simply because I have been so sure it was a boy. I can't possibly be right, I figure, so I alway bet against myself. A bit of a bad habit of mine.

What do you guess?

Man, They Got Bubkes

Wow - I kind of wanted to go out to a movie tonight, but there is dick-all playing that would be worth paying to see. How is that even possible, since there are about 15 movies playing in the general town area? That isn't even including the way-out malls! Man. Hollywood - get your act together. Please!

So Very Tired...

Don't know if it's the baby, or what, but I have been sluggish as heck the past day or so. I had to teach today for two hours, and it has left me so drained I feel like crawling into bed, and the sun isn't even down yet.

Ugh. I should work, or clean... but I feel like I could drop any second.

FANTASTIC!

I loved this book as a kid (my favourite, actually; I still have it, so I've scanned it above). Let's hope the movie version is worth the excitement it caused when I came across it today!

EEE!

PS> Digging this book out unearthed a stack of other books from my childhood I had stored. I think it's time to start reading to the baby. I think I'll start with Mr Fox - it seems fitting to keep that tradition going.

Would You Give Me Money for This?

My PhD dissertation focuses on the interaction between screen Jews, both male and female, with their Gentile counterparts in Jewish-Gentile romantic films, and how their relationships are structured. There has never been an extended study of Jewish-Gentile romantic relationships in American film, even though such films often contribute the most fleshed-out discussions of what it means for Jews to be Americans, and vice versa.

In these films, the Jew, as stripped and vulnerable as anyone entering into a love affair, is generally faced with the question, “What makes me different from this Gentile, whom I love?” Indeed, this is often a major motivating factor in the narrative friction in such films. In these conflicts, we can also identify a number of key archetypal participators in the struggle of “love conquering all.” One chapter will show how the Gentile and the Jewish parents, who are often the delivery system for traditional values (in favour of non-mixed marriages), may be categorized according to their argument types, such as assimilation anxiety, ancestral loyalty, or concerns involving racism or spiritual conflicts.

Another common element in such films places a potential Jewish mate into the path of the errant Jewish protagonists. This potential mate is immediately, and unattractively, contrasted with the charms and beauties of the Gentile love interest. How such negative images of Jews as mates are constructed and what ideologies lie behind such portrayals will comprise another chapter. Thus far, my theory is that, on the surface, most American films support (and help create) a romantic ideal of democratic cultural mixing as part of the American Dream, while denouncing more traditional arguments supporting Old World endogamy.

In the twenty films I am analyzing, however, I have discovered that such films still portray an inherent conflict when two cultures attempt to meld. Two chapters will be devoted to the characters of the Jews and Gentiles who embark on these complicated romantic adventures, the challenges they face, and the results they experience. I believe that continuing investigations into the construction of ethnic identity, especially in something as influential as Hollywood film, is crucial to our understanding of the political and social standings of minority populations in North America.

Monday is Starting Out OK, She Said Tentatively

Got a conference acceptance first thing this morning - yet another thing for the CV. See, the last time I applied for the Big Funding, last fall, I had nothing but one piddly unprofessional published essay and one upcoming conference. This time, I have three completed conferences (one a semi-important one), one forthcoming published book chapter, my comp exams finished, one more guest lecture engagement this month, one faculty of arts award, and now one upcoming conference. That is not bad progress, not bad at all.

I am starting to get a glimmer of hope that I might actually win something this year. As long as my proposal doesn't suck... But let's not think of that, ok?

P.S.

By "dropping the ball" yesterday, I meant nothing more exciting than not getting a piece of transcription done for a prof before she had to ask about it. That's all. Nothing scandalous.

Sorry to get your hopes up.