Happy Birthday, Katie!

I Don't Wanna

Now my doctor's appointments are every single week - really, there is no need for that. Not that I'm complaining about my relatively easy pregnancy (so far - knock wood), but I am fine so the things only last about 15 minutes. So it's about an hour of traveling for 15 minutes so a guy in a white coat can tell me I'm fine. Which I already know. Blah.

So now that it's butt-freaking-ass cold out there, WHY??? I think the baby and I would benefit from a day of warm pajamas and some rest more than a blood pressure cuff and a "you're fine - come back next week" result. Especially today, when all that melt off from yesterday has likely solidified into slicks of black ice. I'm going to fall on my big pregnant ass - I guess then, at least, the doctor will have a reason to see me.

I am not chomping at the bit to get the pregnancy over with, but I will be happy to see the end of the doctors.

WHY???

It took me a solid hour to get home tonight from proctoring! WTF? I'm soaked through, and starving. Gah!

Good Weekend

Catherine was up for the weekend - sadly, I had to work for the last 5 hours of her trip, but we had a pretty good time. Blogger isn't co-operating with me tonight, so I'll leave it at that. Now to click publish to see if it will finally work...

Busy Bees

We spent all day yesterday cleaning and moving around junk, but we now have a "working draft" of a nursery. The crib has been assembled and looks very nice. The diapering station and general space seems safe and ergonomic, even in such a small apartment. Catherine comes tonight, so I still have some last minute cleaning and whatnot to do, but the place is really coming together. Thank heaven for nesting instincts- it's a huge load off my mind to have a place to house the baby, whenever he decides to arrive.

Pictures soon, just in case anyone actually cares to see the decorating job.

Happy Birthday!

Quick note: Happy birthday to my mum.

A Short Note

Congrats to LaTina for the successful birth of her little boy, Max.

Way to go!

Some Condolences are Just an Insult

Infamous sot and jerkwad Mel Gibson was asked for comment on the recent and sudden death of actor Heath Ledger:

Also adding his condolences is Mel Gibson, who co-starred with Ledger in The Patriot. "I had such great hope for him," Gibson tells E! News. "He was just taking off and to lose his life at such a young age is a tragic loss. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family."

When I die, I would still posthumously vomit by having any sort of tribute paid by this guy. The greatest compliment I could ever receive would be Gibson publicly declaring he was glad I croaked. If Gibson hates you, you are likely doing something right.

But, on a more serious note, it's sad news for Ledger's family, especially his young daughter. He wasn't a favourite actor of mine, but he did have something, and we will all miss out on seeing what he could have done.

STRESS!

People need to leave me the hell alone. Really. I am tired of advice, warnings, proddings, hounding and all other forms of communications. I don't care about your opinions.

I'll keep my penny, you keep your thoughts. Deal?

Some Advice

When turning a junk room into a nursery, the best idea is (aside from never falling into the trap of having a junk room in the first place) to just trick everyone you know into coming over for a "party" and then just putting them to work. Also, not waiting until you are an egg on legs. That's a help, too.

"And, if you look to your left, you will see a woman screaming"

Am taking a tour of the maternity ward today, in preparation for the Big Event. Hopefully, it will relieve some anxiety, rather than start the last-30-day panic that seems to be coming on. I got the last things for my hospital bag yesterday, so I guess there's no where to go now but to that long hallway of doom.

I hope for the best.

Baby Shower

I got an invite to an acquaintance's baby shower today in my email. I like this person well enough, but I don't know her very well. Is that common practice? To invite every single person (even if they've never actually spent so much as an hour with the mother-to-be) who might show up and bring a gift? I didn't know. I am just relying on the one or two people who actually hang out with me to do something nice for the expected arrival. But I guess a big party full of semi-strangers is really the way to haul in the loot, eh? Dang. I wonder if I still have time for a merchandise grab? I know more names than I do people - maybe that's the way to run this baby shower thing. I had it all wrong - it's best to cast the wide net into that sea of free stuff.

On that note, if you are interested, you can find our baby registry here. You know... for the sake of the loot. I mean, baby.

:-D

***

Post-Script:
We've also added a more generic baby wish list, one that isn't associated with any store or online shopping company, as Amazon had some issues shipping to Canada, and doesn't let you describe things in general categories. Take a look here, if you are interested.

Choices

Sometimes, I really do regret having gotten myself into academics so deep. Too deep in debt just to drop out and start again. But, then, sometimes I feel like I have screwed up so much that there's really not much point in going forward. So I'm stuck. I'm in PhD, but right now I wish I weren't, and, yet, there's no way out. I'm trapped, like a rat.

Each decision one makes is either a rung in the ladder built, or a chain around your neck weighing you down so you can't stay afloat. The terrifying thing is that you can't tell at the time which one it is. All you can do is just live with what you've built, or what you've forged.

Sometimes, I wish I had just dropped out years ago and gotten a job at some nice Tim Horton's somewhere. Instead, I am stuck here, faced with the grave I've dug myself, and not knowing which way to turn.

Knowing that every time I let myself feel some fresh bit of optimism, some new doom is just as likely to bite me whichever way I turn.

So, where do I turn now?

Just When I Think It's Safe to Smile...

Life sucks ass.

=shudder=

I found and watched the Tom Cruise video online today - the much-buzzed-about Scientology recruiting video that the Little Man made for the organization. The video is now under lock and key by the group (which is busy suing every YouTube user who dares to post it, hence my lack of links to the thing - sorry, but I don't need a law suit), but a few brave souls are still out there trying to show the thing.

I can see why they are hiding it, actually. Aside from Cruise being his usual, inarticulate, dink-self and a terrifyingly jumped up git, it's also kind of horrible.

Did you know Tom Cruise is the ONLY PERSON who can help at accident sites? That Tom Cruise is the only person who can assist you in any life crisis from drug abuse to hangnails, all because HE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO SEES LIFE AS IT REALLY IS?

Far from making me in the least interested in becoming a Scientologist, it really just makes me want to kick Tom in the nuts, hard and repeatedly, until he stops laughing like a mentally handicapped hyena over his domination on earth.

Remember, as the ominous narrator tells us at the end: "Tom Cruise, Scientologist, has ONLY JUST BEGUN!"

Scary words, indeed.

Work, Work, Work

I wasn't expecting any shifts for the proctoring gig this month, as exams are kind of scarce in January. However, I have been getting shifts steady so far. My bosses have been really great in understanding that I will have to miss out on a lot of midterm work, so I think they are throwing all they can at me now, which is a good load off my mind. Right now, any bit of extra cash is appreciated. I am working this afternoon, and I have a few for next week. I will eventually have to stop taking shifts, lest I end up going into labour while some kid is trying to write his Soc 303 midterm, but for now I am scraping up whatever dough I can.

Only about 36 days to go until Due Date... Please, let the pooper stay put as long as he wants so I can get the extra pay in before he arrives.

So Far, So Good

Survived another up and down, and up again. Things are tranquil again in Gotham... but for how long?

Brad Renfro, 25, Dead

If you ever needed another one, here's a new reason not to let your babies grow up to be actors - or, more to the point, a great reason to make them grow up all the way before they become actors.

After a night of drinking, and who knows what else, troubled young actor Brad Renfro (of Apt Pupil, Ghost World, The Client, etc.), has been found dead.

Given his history with heroin, one shouldn't be surprized, but it is still pretty sad - or, at the very least, a waste.

Grey

More than a little bummed out today, for various reasons. Also, for no particular reasons whatsoever. You know, the usual.

Pretty Please... With Sugar on Top?

Today, I submit yet another plea for extra money from the university. Bursaries. My spirit is lacking, partly because I think it's generally useless to try to get money from a university as cheap as this one, especially when you're already a student there. However, they did give me some bursary money last year, and with my grad scholarship running out in the fall, I have to bite the bullet and go through the whole shebang of budgets and statements and trucking it in to campus. Yippee.

However, on related news, I seem to still be in the running for a SSHRC, as I have not yet received my first-round rejection (which usually comes in December). So that means I think I at least made it as far as the ministry itself, so now my application might at least be in the hands of the evaluation committee - the first time the university has ever let my SSHRC application be sent off to Ottawa! Even if I don't win anything, I have to admit it is a tiny victory to be allowed to compete in the first place.

But winning the thing itself would be, of course, a better victory.

FINGERS CROSSED!

A Little Something for a Dreary Monday

I have to proctor today, so no time for a long post - but thanks to Amanda for this piece of horror... or is it snazziness? Who knows! Enjoy!

Headline: "ATM Error Nearly Kills Grad Student"

There are no worse words to see on a little slip of paper than "Insufficient Funds" - especially when you figured there was money in there. It turned out, on the fourth try or so, that my money did, indeed, exist, but it was a tough battle to not dissolve into blubbering tears and shouts of "NOOOOO!!!!" right there in the Kwik-E-Mart.

It is scary how a bunch of 1s and 0s can ruin us - I think it might be time to go back to stuffing my dough in my mattress.

Where is That Nesting Instinct I Heard So Much About?

Murph and I were planning on doing the nursery today, but I just plain ran out of steam. Organizing the junk in that room, and washing down everything, assembling the crib, and arranging the furniture sensibly... Blah. If we ever have another baby, it's sleeping in the dent in the sofa cushions.

Hopefully, we'll get it done over the next week - that way, the pooper is generally covered if he decides to pull any sort of a sneak attack. Otherwise, it'll still be a load off my mind, even if we do have another full five weeks or so to wait.

In any case, he'll have a better bed than me, so I'm pleased.

sigh

For some reason, Murph couldn't sleep last night, and woke me up this morning as he was coming to bed - so I guess we are on alternating sleep schedules. So I guess I have a morning of being quiet and isolated to look forward to today. Yippee skippee.

What's the Difference Between "Quality" and "Exploitation"?

I finally got around to seeing Notes on a Scandal (2006) last night. A friend gave me a copy months ago, but it was not high on my priorities list, even with a banger of a cast that includes Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett and, one of my personal favs (since Love Actually), Bill Nighy. However, Murph and I were in the mood for something completely different from the rest of my collection, and decided to take the plunge. I still can't say whether I am glad we did, or not.

Since I am likely the last person in the world to see it, I won't waste a lot of time explaining the plot, but I will generally say it's about crumbling lives and the results thereof. A young-ish and once-sought-after art teacher attempts to revive her dull life with an affair with a 15-year-old student, while an older school matron uses knowledge of that affair to weave some sort of sad and horrifically creepy web of control over her younger colleague.

The tone is at times fast-paced and at other times skin-crawlingly deadened, and the overall film leaves a horrible taste in your mouth. It attempts to capture some modern take on a gothic drawing room psycho-drama, offering you a bit of gasp with your tea and toasted cakes - though, in this case, the tidbits are liberally sprinkled with rat hairs.

The story's understanding of the ways that people prey on each other for their own needs, even while pretending to be in it for altruistic ends, is sadly all too true (though exaggerated here), and that makes the horror even worse. If one is honest, one should face the fact that there are actually very few true altruistic acts in the world - everything "nice" is done because it gives something to the doer, and not just for the benefit of others. Charity makes the giver feel good; friendship must be a two-way street of needs-meeting; etc. This is not to say that this is a bad thing - actually, I think that anyone who truly is genuinely altruistic has a serious screw loose. Such is the way of human behaviour, and I am ok with that. However, this movie shows the darker side of this equation - the one in which psychic vampires feed on people and thrive through the many ways they insinuate themselves into the lives of others. Such people exist, and this movie understands that to an uncomfortable level. Sadly, it fails to explore the theme without debasing relationships past the point of all hope for redemption.

Between the criminal sexual activity, the tantalizing glimpses of the forbidden, the cagey behaviour of almost every character, and the exploitation of deeper fears about neurotic homosexuality and its perceived violent tendencies, this film gets a little... grimey, I guess I'd call it. A bit too much so for my liking. Every single person in this picture is either pathetic, despicable, unlikeable or down right vile. The story line is nasty, in the true sense, and, even where no classic monsters lurk, it manages to become a horror flick - or at least a thriller - complete with the Hannibal Lector-esque ending introducing the monster's next victim.

I am left to wonder, what makes this film "quality," as so many people have claimed? Is it that gratuitous sexual predation in a film is "art" if everyone has a British accent of some ilk? Or is it that unremitting gloominess (and a great deal of ick) is now the only way for a film to get some respect, even if it is just a few boobs (and a better script) away from a 1960s girls-in-prison exploitation flick?

In any case, I feel like I can never scrub hard enough to cleanse myself of this movie, and I can't imagine ever jumping at the chance to see it again. I understand and accept that not every picture can be a feel-good time. However, there are films that leave you depressed because they have educated you or touched your emotions, and then there are ones that leave you feeling low because they made you throw up a little in your own mouth. I think you can guess that this one is a bit on the latter side of that spectrum.

Notes on a Scandal is not my idea of a good time, but the performances are ok, the Philip Glass score is pretty chillingly great, and the filmmaking is adequate, so it isn't a complete waste of time - it just might be a waste of mental state, though, so watch it with caution.

Big Day

Today, Murph and I mark one year of marriage -- and we are actually in the same country to celebrate it!

Babies, Babies Everywhere!

Is it just me, or does it seem like we are in the middle of another baby boom? I personally know one couple who just had one, and two more who are due in March. In net-land, there seems to be dozens - with about 40% of my Facebook friends list in breeding mode. Even a boatload of celebs are getting in the game. What the heck is going on?

Now, it might be that I didn't notice all this before I, myself, got pregnant, but I don't think so. I think it's a full-on invasion of the screaming, pooping people in footie-jammies. Not that I should mind, but it makes for some pretty boring friends - babies don't just invade time and space, but also everyones' minds. Let's just hope the wave passes soon enough.

New Rules

I've decided to disallow anonymous comments. Sorry, but from now on if you want to be a douche, you're going to have to include a name. I know that's against the "shots in the back" atmosphere of the internet, but I like to see my hecklers' faces.

I'm a Bad Old Blogger

Yes, I know I have been silent, and neglecting this thing. I don't really have much of an excuse, except to say I don't want this thing to just become a stultifying daily "gotta post some crap, so I'll tell you what I did with my weekend" kind of blog. Your mom likely taught you, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I think bloggers should change this to, "if you don't have anything interesting to say..." And, really, I don't right now.

(Two notes of interest, though - thanks to LaTina Marie for the baby gift, and congrats to A&A for the birth of their first son on January 1.)

Our baby, Declan, seems fine - getting bigger and kicking like mad. Murph is still here, and we are having a great time. I finished up a couple of projects that had been simmering for some time there, and am working away on one last old item before I can fully enjoy my maternity leave and spend my time getting ready for baby and writing the dissertation.

In other interesting (to me) news, I still haven't received a rejection letter for my SSHRC funding application, which may mean I got it past the university committee and it might be heading to the ministry, I don't know. Perhaps, as Murph so sweetly suggested, the mail has just been delayed and/or my rejection has been lost -- always the optimist, that guy.

In any case, all is well, and I will be back when I have something of value to say -- perhaps a series of reviews are in order, as my research viewing (with careful note taking) is underway this week. I'll keep you posted.

In With the New...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ALL THE BEST FOR 2008!