Burning Up

Got a good dose of sun poisoning today. I am sure I mentioned it before, but I have a bit of an allergy to the sun - usually involving not just the normal burns, but also nausea, fatigue, headaches and sometimes blisters. It isn't pretty, nor is it comfortable.

Well, this afternoon, I think I overdid it a bit, so now I am paying the price. I am overheated and tired, and I had a skull-cracking headache that was pointing dangerously towards migraine territory. Luckily, I think I caught it in time, and a good night's sleep might set me to rights again. However, I am confining myself to my apartment tomorrow. I have learned the hard way not to push it - the second day in a row is usually what knocks me flat for a week.

Why isn't summer over?

Ingmar Bergman (1918-2007)

While, for my personal tastes, Woody Allen is the improvement of Bergman's art, there can be no question that the world lost a great artist this week. Bergman officially retired after 2003's Saraband, and, from his first film in 1946, right up until his last, it was an amazing career.

Do yourself a favour, and get acquainted with this filmmaker this weekend - either through his famous works Seventh Seal or Scenes from a Marriage, or his complex and moving Persona, or, my personal favourite, Wild Strawberries.

Expecto Patronum

I am trying to get back to work after a very nice break for the weekend, but I find myself a bit low. The apartment is a mess, so maybe that is the cause. Whatever it is, I have work to do, but I find myself listless and unmotivated. Dull, bored, boring and lazy. What is this coming over me? Well, all I can to do is pound away at it. Start with the mindless tasks and work my way up to the more imaginative stuff. If the self-motivation doesn't work, then the drone-motivation will have to.

Something has to break me from this doldrum. And fast.

Meanwhile, in better news, this weekend I read the new (and final) Harry Potter novel, and I have to say it did not disappoint. A very exciting read. Strange to think that in a few more years, I might have a little HP fan of my own running around. If you've read the book, you can only imagine how the epilogue effected those pregnant hormones of mine, and I can't help but see a little dark-haired boy in a red and gold scarf, who looks an awful lot like Murph, curled up with the Year One novel in his hands.

So that brings a ray of sunshine.

Blame the Gays

Here's something for your Sunday enjoyment. Bush was right all along! Who knew?

Ever Wonder What the American Magic Academy Looks Like?

***

Am finishing up some work and errands today, then I am heading underground for a few days for some private time with my Murph. Everyone needs a vacation once in a while, right? Have a good weekend!

Rest

I need sleep and rest and relaxation. I am feeling a bit burned out today. Clean the house, do some reading, rest up. That's the order of the day.

Back to the grindstone on Monday, though. No ifs ands or buts.

I'm Up... I'm Up

Groggy, but I'm here. I didn't really mean to be up at 5am, it just sort of happened. Got up to pee at 4.30, but then, settling back into bed, I knocked over some water on the nightstand. I didn't fancy sleeping in Sea World, so now I am up for the day. Damn gravity, anyway!

Today, I do more RA stuff. It's not terribly rewarding stuff, really. Some of the articles I am searching out might be of value to me, certainly, but, in general, I feel hours slipping by from my own work, and that pains me. These days, I feel a bit mentally flabby. This weekend, I will have to hit the dissertation proposal final edits hard, and try to wake myself up.

Fall will be here soon, folks. Then the brain will really have to come out to play!

Cravings

Woke up this morning at 5.28am, absolutely drooling for a toasted tomato sandwich with mayo and black pepper. Seriously, if I hadn't been out of bread and been tomato-less, I would have immediately gotten up and had one. But did the logic of, "we just don't have those ingredients" work? Not at all. I actually laid there, awake, thinking of (a) how to get those ingredients quickly at 5.30am (at any price), and (b) what could be a suitable substitute.

It took me some work to just drink a bunch of water and fall back to sleep. It was a bad scene.

So, I guess now I know that the whole cravings thing is not a myth. Pregnant women do, indeed, crave certain foods with a passion. I have felt cravings for all kinds of stuff - even roast chicken once, poor little vegetarian me. (That was another craving the baby just had to do without; poor tyke - life is hard.)

Happily, I haven't gotten into the cravings for clumps of dirt and stuff, which is actually an ailment, and not healthy at all. The closest thing to this was that one time I think I was craving ice chips - which might signify a lack of iron, it seems.

However, I think the cravings go beyond food, really. This morning, I also had a craving for flowers. All kinds, and tons of them. A wild riot of colours. Not to eat - just to have around. Not dead ones, either, as they are sad, but in pots. Could that be classified a craving? I guess so, as it was pretty out of the blue and made me feel irritatingly restless until I convinced myself that I really couldn't have a dozen pots of flowers right now.

So, is pregnancy a form of insanity? Possibly. However, doctor's visit yesterday showed that I am healthy and normal, and so is the baby, so if I am a bit wacky now, I guess I am meant to be.

It's going to be a fun 6-more-months, folks.

Save Me

Am praying for a freak power outage or something on campus that will necessitate a call from the doctor's office telling me my super-colossal-invasive-exam will have to be canceled. Ugh. Anything but this.

I had a dream last night that I was preparing to swim the English Channel, and it was "filmed" like the move Chariots of Fire... do you think that has anything to do with the dread and the amount of mental preparation it takes to have a nudie appointment with a quack saw-bones?

Lordy. Save me!

Am I Mean?

Did anyone else laugh when they heard Bush had some polyps removed from a very sensitive place yesterday? All I could think is, "well, I guess that's what all that beer and beef will get you."

Then again, I heard he went bike riding afterwards, so I guess I am safe in making the fun.

Good News/Bad News

Well, tonight I started definite and deliberate work on my dissertation. Not my proposal, not side papers, not reading for personal interest. For the actual dissertation. So that's pretty damn cool - and a bit scary, too, if you want to know the truth. This time next year, I am expected to be working on my conclusion. Yikes.

So, the bad news. Why did I start this work tonight? Because, unlike anywhere I have ever lived before, I am very nearly friendless. That's not entirely so - I have people I talk to occasionally, and people who email me to say hello, etc. But, as far as this place in which I live, I really don't have anyone I can call and say, "hey, want to see a movie?" without feeling weird for not making plans a week in advance.

Really, then, I guess it is no big deal to have started my dissertation work, since I did it out of loneliness. No great honours, there, I suppose.

Still, there's the gone but not forgotten old friends I have been visiting tonight, especially this one. I guess such contact, and those of my books, will have to do.

And I thought the loneliness ended with studying for my qualifying exams. Not by a long shot, sadly.



***

On loneliness:

ugh

I hate those mornings where getting out of bed makes you cry.

Yet Another Reason to Rush to Wal-Mart...

Wal-Mart, possibly one of the most evil entities on the planet, has now started to stock Christian toys from the cheese factory that is One2Believe.

I know we can all roll our eyes and moan about indoctrination, etc, but, really, I think it is just as vile the plain POOR TASTE these awful things will teach children. I guess this is one way to make sure there will be another generation of consumers for those commemorative plates they hock on QBC and in TV Guide inserts, huh?

Holly Simpson

If you've ever wondered what I would look like as a Simpsons character, you might be cracked, but now, finally, here's your chance.

The process is a bit annoying, especially since I can't figure out a way to get a usable image from it in any form except the above TINY buddy icon. However. it was an amusing waste of 20 minutes, so I leave it to you as to whether that is what you are looking for.

Nose Dive...

Put in a solid eight hours today at my RA work, on about 5 hours of sleep.

But I refuse to go to bed before 8pm. That is my vow.

But can I make it?

Busy

Busy today - my friend Shari's MA defence today was a smashing success - too bad I was feeling queasy and had to leave.

Oh well - her post-defence cake-party is tonight, so that will be something to look forward to.


(Oh, and my dissertation proposal survived another round, and I was told it is much, much improved and "almost there." Not too shabby.)

So. Much. Stress.

Lugged my ass to campus today at 8am. Was supposed to use an office on campus today to start 50 hours of printing for my RA job. Temp secretary was unable to help me until noon. Network in that building is down, anyway. It looks like I will only get about 3 hours a day. 50 hours in 3 hour chunks? Welcome to purgatory.

If I could only afford the ink at home, I could have already started this thing and just drilled at it until it was done. Now I am possibly out the $5 it now takes for me to visit campus on the city buses (thanks to a price hike), and with nothing to show for it but blood pressure issues.

Gack.

Gack.

Gack.

Why won't summer die?

My Review of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (No Spoliers)

Meh.

That about sums it up, really.

Meh.

Pink Pills and Puddy Tats

I am two months along today, and the lifestyle changes are becoming enormous. I am not talking about the loss of smoking and the switch to decaf, but the more life-wide sweeping changes. I am eating better than I have in years, and my tummy is finally adjusting to all the veggies and (OMG!) fresh fruit. The exercise is great, except for when I feel so fatigued I would rather turn into a fine goo than take an hour's walk. There, are, however, two changes I am less than thrilled about.

The first is somewhat minor, really. I had to switch from my regular multivitamin to a prenatal one. But, while I will miss my beloved herbal-enriched supplements, it is the style more than the content of these things that I disagree with most. PINK. They are huge and pink. Why? I wonder. And here I thought the days of pregnant lady = pastel nausea was over! Now I am stuck here taking pink pills like a toddler with the sniffles. I am not pleased. They do me no harm, but I dislike the symbolism for some reason.

Secondly, Friday night there was an adorable short-haired, white, male cat, likely about a year old, meowing at the window of my basement apartment. When I put my hand up to the screen, he head-butted me in the hopes of some affection. He may have been hungry, though he wasn't emaciated. He was a little dirty, without a collar, but I wasn't sure if he was a stray. In any case, the old me would have seen this as the kitty cat I had prayed for - a sweet, affectionate, furry companion! I would have at least brought him in long enough to find his family, and enjoyed his stay while it lasted (while hoping no one ever turned up to claim him). Instead, you know what I did? I told him to scoot and shut the blinds, nearly crying to hear him keep meowing there for another half hour or so. Why? Because I am a pregnant woman living alone without anyone to clean his box for me, so I can't have a cat. Pregnancy and litter boxes don't mix. I had to reject that cat because of being pregnant. That rather broke my heart.

If I see him around some more, I may have to call the SPCA or something, but I can't take him in. That isn't like me, at all.

So, in sum, I am having a fine time being pregnant, and I don't mind it. I am eating better, so I am working harder than before, and I am generally happy with my state - getting excited about the naming process and the care of my fledgling embryo. However, some of the changes have not been so welcome, so there has been an adjustment.

But this I vow - as soon as I can, so help me, I will have a furry roommate again. That is a promise.

SiCKO

I saw Michael Moore's new documentary, SiCKO (2007), yesterday, and I had the distinct advantage of watching it with an American. In case you haven't heard, SiCKO tells the tale of Americans who worked hard to pay for their health insurance, only to be screwed over and rendered bankrupt by HMOs who are far more concerned with profit then with health. It is a simple documentary, but provoking. For me, it led to feelings of pity and astonishment at such a system; for my American companion, it inspired anger and frustration. In the end, it triggered a lot of discussion, and I can think of no better recommendation for a documentary. It might not be the most rewarding two hours you've ever spent in your entire life, but if it gives you some conversation, it's done its job.

For those of you familiar with Moore's past work, such as the excellent Roger and Me (1989), the amusing Bowling for Columbine (2002), and the more flashy Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004), you should be warned that this film is a lot less entertaining in the Moore style than his past films. There are no amusing graphics, and very little humour breaks the gloom. However, therein lies a special power for this simple, more classical documentary. SiCKO is a serious, often sad, story, and Moore does not try to distract from the people (real humans) he covers, including survivors as well as employees of the HMOs themselves.

In addition, he makes the very welcome move of making himself a lot less visible in this story. Unlike Roger and Me (which was about his hometown of Flint, Michigan), this is not his story, aside from the fact that he is American, and he acknowledges that. This film is about the people who have lost loved ones (or their own lives) to the greed of their so-called care providers.

This is not the story of Michael Moore riling execs. This is filmed evidence of a corrupt and abusive system, and it is, surprisingly (considering America is soon heading to the polls), not nearly as partisan as one would fear. Democrats (even a particularly high-profiled ex-First Lady) and Republicans together get roasted in their turn - while, in Canada, he gets the Conservative opinion on health care, and even that is a shining example of what Canada has right and what America has desperately and heartbreakingly wrong. Health is not a partisan issue. It is an issue all members of a nation should agree on. Keeping children healthy should not be a matter of dollars, because, in the end, we all stand to benefit from the potential of the next generation. This potential is exactly what the American system cripples through its cruel disregard.

Further, this is not a film I would recommend to merely stroke the collective ego of Canadians. Indeed, several other nations show off better (such as the UK, which covers anyone within its borders without question, and France, which completely covers postpartum home care). Rather, this is a film Canadians should watch to understand where we could be should we allow our precious health care system to slide; what we stand to lose. We have something good in Canada.

I liked SiCKO, if you can say "like" about such a painful story, and I highly recommend this film - not for the entertainment value, but for the pity, anger and passion it inspires.

Calling All Americans!

The most amazing thing ever has crossed my desk (or rather, was pointed out to me by a friend). The new 7/11-Simpsons Movie tie-in promotion. They aren't doing this up here, sadly, but if you guys down there get the chance, let me know how this looks in person.

I, and a bunch of people I know, have been calling all convenience stores "Kwik-E-Mart" for years, so it's pretty exciting to see it come to life.

I vote they keep it that way.

Beware Friday the 13th!

I worry that I spoke too soon yesterday, especially now that I notice what today is. Woke up sneezing like heck. But, if a cold is all I have to worry about today, then great.

Everything's Comin' Up Holly!

Feeling fine, and doing well - work is well in hand, and a well-timed tax refund has gotten me out of my financial hole (knock on wood). I am under a deadline to finish a report for tomorrow, otherwise I would be outside since the weather is pretty damned fabulous today. Oh well - instead I am having pizza, so there are SOME consolations, right?

Can You Explain...

... why does this make me laugh?



***

And here's an unrelated musical interlude:



(Try this one on for size, too.)

Six Months

Today marks six months of marriage for Murph and I - some ups and downs, but generally a lovely experience. Never one to encourage marriage in the past, I now have to say it can be a great thing.

Happy monat-versary, Scamp! Here's to many, many more!

ECK!

The last thing you want to be woken up by on a day when you are 7 weeks pregnant? A phone call from your doctor's office saying your Province of Ontario Ministry of Health Card has been rejected, when you made extra sure to update it before you even went in...

Let's just pray for a miracle on that one...

UPDATE: After 40 minutes on hold with the OHIP infoline, I am happy to report I am still in the system, and I should be covered... Now to just hope whatever momentary error that dumped that particular bill will be sorted out.

Update, Finally

Sorry for all the radio silence, but so-called "morning sickness," which is really "all day sickness" hit me like a mack truck this weekend, plus I had a bad cold, which didn't improve matters. However, I have been trying to get some work done, and I did make some headway.

When not working, I have found a new cheesy passion. How did I miss this as a youngster? Oh yeah, I didn't get cable until I was 14, and I missed out on the wonders of Fox programming at a young age - lucky me.

Hope all is well!

Tired

I need a break from life to focus on work and health, so I may be going underground for a while. I just feel so damn burned out.

I've Been Robbed!

Pay came in today, thankfully, for my first research job. Sadly, I hadn't budgeted on deductions (I guess I thought since it was pretty small and only a one-shot thing it wouldn't be subject to them, stupid me), so I am out $100 I really, really needed. Damn Canada Pension, anyway. We all know there will be no Canada Pension by the time I retire!

And the bugs are regrouping due to the damp, chilly weather. I know one silverfish in the bathroom, and one armoured centipede (NOT the dreaded house centipede) in the living room doesn't amount to much, but I can feel them encroaching again...

Darn on both accounts.

Not Much

My net was down when I woke up this morning - I woke to internet black out. Scary. Anyway, it is back up, and I have already got three emailed Jews and food surveys from the JSA mail out. Great progress - I have six in-hand (and 4 expected) in two days! 10 down, 50 more to go!

Doctor's appointment went fine - it actually wasn't the full nudie-view this time (that joy is scheduled for July 23). However, today I have to go and seek out blood work, and I have had to schedule an ultrasound for August 13th.

Oh, and the official word on the due date: February 24, 2008.

So, I guess all is well... KNOCK WOOD.

***

And a happy Fourth to our American friends!

Doctor

Seeing a doctor for the first time today about the pregnancy, and I am out of mind with nerves. See, from what the baby books say, the first doctor's visit is completely filled with humiliations - of the get undressed, spread them and let anyone who is around stick things in places you'd rather not variety. Ghastly. More than the pain itself, I fear the degradation of pregnancy most of all.

I hate doctors and I hate public nudity - so this whole process will be a nightmare for me.

However, today I am only going to the WLU campus Health Services, who will refer me to a permanent doctor. Therefore, I am hoping they stick to just blood and urine tests to make sure I am pregnant, give me a name and number of my real doctor, and leave it at that. Surely, if I do get a permanent doctor, he or she will want to do all that crap all over again anyway, and, frankly, I would rather keep the horror to a minimum. So if the guys today try to get my clothes off, they better have a damn good reason.

Ugh. When exactly do pregnant women cease being human and become objects for display and emotionally devastating hazing? I have a cook-out to go to tonight, but I really can't say I will feel much like partying if my very soul feels soiled and degraded.

Man. I hate doctors.

Looking For Jews

OK, folks. I need 60 Jews, preferably in the Southern Ontario region, but I am flexible, to fill out surveys for me on the relationship between food and religious life. It's only a small survey - it only takes about 2 minutes to fill out (no more than 15, tops), and there are no "right" or "wrong" answers. There is also a consent form to sign, but your information is anonymous and the consent forms are stored separately from the answer sheets.

Please email me at hollyblogger@yahoo.ca (or comment below with contact info) if you or someone you know would like to fill this out, as I am having a hard time finding the numbers of Jews I need in K-W over the summer. We can arrange it so you send me a snail mail address and I mail it out to you/them.

Please, help!

UPDATE: I can now do electronic surveys, as well!

Wowzers - Draft Deadlines!

Folks, I now have chapter draft deadlines for my dissertation, and I am thrilled! That makes it sound like everything is so within reach... so doable. If I have deadlines, I can meet them. So, my goal is to have the dissertation done in draft form by August 2008.

Therefore, a rough work schedule (with TA/RAships in the fall and next summer terms):

• This Summer: dissertation proposal; RAship work; book review; funding applications
• Sept-Oct: funding apps; chapter two; prefaces
• Nov-Dec: chapter three
  
• Dec-Jan-Feb: chapter four
• Feb-Apr: BABY - re-work an article for publication; light dissertation research; maybe work on draft edits; reading; possibly some Hebrew study; generally take it easy (recover)
• May: chapter one (bare historical context, to get me back into the swing)
  
• June-July: chapter five; lit review in rough
  
• August: chapter six; intro and conclusion in sketch form = DISSERTATION IN DRAFT FORM!
• Year after: conferences; publishing; job hunt; teaching; re-writes; editing; defence; modern Hebrew study; etc.

Wow. It is all so very real now.

I CAN DO THIS!

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

I am sitting and having a slice of watermelon, and I guess that is as close to picnic festivities as I will get, but still I celebrate. A little bit of CBC, that is what the doctor ordered.

Happy 140th, Canada.

Many, many more!

Our Baby Blog

Of course, you had to have known that Murph and I would start a Baby Blog. It's mostly boring details about food intake and appointments, but someday soon it might contain fun stuff such as ultra-sound photos and other neat tidbits, like the on-going name struggle.

Back on Track...

I can't believe I forgot to update yesterday! Oh well, I at least got the apartment cleaned and took about 2 hours of walk, and generally felt human again.

This in preparation for today and tomorrow - I will pound out a new draft of my proposal over the next two days, for submission to the primary Advisor (who is a bit annoyed/gloomy over recent pregnancy news, it seems - so I guess I have to prove to her I am still in the game).

On Tuesday, I see a doctor. Crap. I hate doctors with a passion. More than the pain, even, it is all the contact with doctors that scares me most about pregnancy. I'll let you know how I make it through.

And is it just me, or is there just a slight hint of fall in the air already this morning? Or is it just wishful thinking? There was just a certain smell...