Resolutions, 2010 Edition

This year, I hope to finish my degree, and graduate, and manage to feed/clothe/house the tot and I, without losing my self-respect or my enjoyment of life.

It's simple, but that's about it.

Happy New Year, everybody, and all the best for 2010.

Welcome, 2010!

A Little Wisdom from (Groucho) Marx:

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

A Little Bit of Harmony

bah!

That pretty much sums it up.

My mood has suddenly gone from ok to partly-crappy.

Ugh.

ETA: Whatever. I got mail, so that's something, huh? :)

Communications Down

My phone is kaput - or possibly, the lines are down. I don't know which. I have have given it time to magically heal itself, but to no avail.

Sigh.

Will google around to see if anyone else in my area is having similar issues, and, if I can't find anyone, I will have to dig out the old phone and see if it's the new cordless.

Bummer.

ETA: Plugged in the old phone, and still no dial tone. In a way, that's a relief - the cordless is relatively new, and, while it wasn't expensive, I'd rather not replace it yet. So, off to figure out why my little "link" light is off on that stupid new digital phone box.

Technology sucks balls.

ETA2: Came back in the night, as mysteriously as it went. Maybe it was the weather... or possibly gremlins. Either way, I don't care as long as it's working.

Yes, We Can!

sigh

I think I have some sort of post-frenetic stress issues, as I am finding these couple of days with no crazy-azzed-horror-over-deadlines so dull I am at a loss for things to do. Grad school (and its deadlines) does make you into a bit of an adrenalin junky, so I am not surprized. Still, I have vowed to take the weekend off, and I am sticking to that - housework, sleep and R&R to see if I can fully end this cold I have.

Yet, I must admit... BOOOOORRRING comes to mind today.

(Warning: May be offensive to some.)

Also, in the Awesome Category...

I've been stunned by the animals-in-their-wombs photos around the net today, here:

Daily Mail
i09
Geekologie

Nature is pretty wonderful.

Have Some Holly-Jolly R&R

*



Well, marking, proctoring, etc, is all done for the term. Now for a couple days of rest, and a good deal of much-needed deep cleaning on this poor old apartment, before I start back on dissertation revisions on Monday. I also plan on catching up on the mountain of emails in my inbox - sorry folks; combination of "I've been busy," and "yes, I do suck hard."

Some movies on the docket:

Scrooged
Young Frankenstein
... and the whole damned Harry Potter series, except for the one(s) that have yet to be made and released... damn time machine - hurry up and be made.

Anyway,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, ONE AND ALL!

btw

Since mid Nov, I have:

- written 150 dissertation pages; completed dissertation; submitted 317 page dissertation.
- marked 150 term papers.
- written and submitted one review for a journal.

I sleep now?

My eyes are full of sand. And possibly crushed glass. I'm not sure.

3.5 hours of sleep = Coffee, PLEASE.

I Love This:

holy crow

I just realized - I have one week until my dissertation deadline. eep.

So close, yet so far...

paranoia strikes deep

I have this awful feeling I am forgetting something major this week, like a work shift or something. I don't think that is so, but it's hard to say.

Somethings on my plate this week:
- Edit some docs for student I tutor, this morning.
- Finish, edit and submit the history chapter today.
- Write, edit and submit the conclusion by this weekend.
- Mark at least 40 papers for Friday.
- Work on Friday.
- Meet with boss on Friday.
- Meet with other boss on Friday; pick up extension papers.
- Do other bursary and new awards app to submit when on campus on Friday.
- Banking, cleaning, groceries and other assorted needs of living.


For this weekend/next week:
- Put together and edit up whole dissertation. Submit on Dec 1.
- Revamp beginning bits, and general spruce up.
- Make sure banking stuff is done.
- Teaching app due.
- Review for that journal (Dec 7)
- Finish marking all 140 papers by Thursday, Dec 3.
- Go to class to hand papers back and give feedback.
- Hold an office hour for paper complaints.
- Send diss to proof-reader.

so, so, so, so very tired

Wisdom of the Talmud

"Rabbah son of R. Huna stated: A man who urinates at two points is an unfit person."

They really did discuss everything in there.

more later... maybe

dissertation due on december 1... work progressing ok...

soooo very tired...

Update

OK, so I managed to save myself from de-registration via some pretty risky financial decisions that I won't go into.

So, now, I have until June 30, 2010 to be completely done the degree - which means I have to have the dissertation completely done by December (Nov 27, really).

Anyone feel like reading the beast in December? Let me know.

skerrrry

This totally messes with my brain.

Laptop APB/BOLO

If anyone knows of a cheap (VERY cheap) laptop deal, or has an old one they can lend out for about a month, please let me know.

Thank you.

poop

My laptop has died. Great.

The Plunge

Just called the university daycare centre... they are pricey (well, pricey for me, but not for childcare in general), but the woman was very nice. I am so freaked out about this, but I do think it has to be done.

Going in to see them on Friday, to get the tour and such. Crying my fool ass off right now, but such is life.

I am sure it will hurt me much more than it will him.

Horrified

I had a cat in highschool, Grace. I loved that cat more than most humans in my life. When I left for university, my mum moved back in with my dad (long story there), and took the cat with her. Then, just before I was done my first year, the cat passed away - she was pretty old, and my mum said she died quietly in the yard, and that they just found her under my dad's truck, dead.

I was devastated, but you know that these things happen, so I dealt with it.

Now, on the phone with mum today, she had this "confession." Turns out, the cat did not die peacefully, but was mauled to death by my dad's foul beast of a dog - who was not put to sleep afterwards, and went on to terrorize the family for several more years only to die in his sleep. Some justice there!

So, now, I am in mourning all over again. It's like I lost her all over again, the wound is that fresh. To find out such a good and loving cat came to such a brutal end just destroys me.

The point of this... Well, I guess mum should have told me the truth at the time, but I know she is no good at that sort of thing. However, I do wonder what the point is of telling me now, years later?

I guess it got the guilt off her chest for having lied to me, but it didn't make me feel any better to know now.

So, if you tell "little white lies," please be prepared to live with them - revealing the truth later may do something for you, but it might really hurt the person on the other end.

R.I.P., Grace - you were a fine and handsome cat, still in my heart. I miss you, Gracey.

A conversation with Sprout (19 mos) on Love:

ME: Mommy loves you.
HIM: Awww!
ME: Do you know mommy loves you?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Do you love mommy?
HIM: Wait... What?
ME: Are you avoiding the question?
HIM: HA!
ME: I'm rushing you, huh?
HIM: Pfft! (Runs out of the room.)

The moral of this little vignette: Never rush a man into a commitment.

i feel two feet tall

Why aren't you finished your dissertation? When will you be done? Why can't you afford your tuition?

Can you point me to the nearest hole, so I can crawl in there and die, please?

Philosophical Moment

I have never been bothered by questions like, "why are we here?" It's enough that we are, and we do the best we can with what we have.

I'd rather live life that way then look too hard and find out we are only here because we're some sort of parasite the earth caught one night when it had a bit too much to drink and spent the night with Venus without protection. (Which is sometimes what I worry about the poor old human race.)

Also, This Makes me Laugh:

Happy Hallowe'en, Folksies.

lovely day

Buggered Even Worse

Well, hello Poop Creek; it hasn't been long enough.

So, it seems that, come November 9th, I will be both kicked out of school, and unexpectedly unemployed.

Great.

buggered

When it rains, it friggin pours, and that's the truth, brother.

Do You Have a Bucket List?

Just watched the movie The Bucket List tonight. I'm a bit of a sucker for Morgan Freeman and (occasionally) Rob Reiner movies, and it was an ok flick. But, as things usually go, I was puttering around after the movie, and then, in the only place a mom of a small child can do any thinking, I got to considering my own bucket list while having a quiet piddle.

The "gist" of this movie is that two guys, having only 6 mos to a year left while dying of cancer, decide to complete a long wacky list of things before they "kick the bucket" (hence the name).

Now, they had a lot of dough at their disposal, and I do not, but I do have (I hope) more time, so I think it evens out.

(Now, don't snicker...)

My Bucket List:

1. Raise one sensible, caring and wonderful child to self-sufficiency.
2. Get my PhD.
3. Publish something of which I can be proud.
4. Spend some quality time with my folks some day soon. (They live far away.)
5. Write my screenplay... even if it ends up sitting in a drawer forever.
6. Try to give back what I have received.
7. Touch Nova Scotian soil once more.
8. Enjoy a real, honest moment of restful self-satisfaction.
9. Get to a point in my life where I can actually lay my head down at night without worrying and truly appreciate it.
10. Live long enough and use my time so well that I am required to make another Bucket List once this one is completed.

Anyone else?

Blah.

That is all.

HOW???

HOW is it already Thursday!?!?! EEK!

Words of Encouragement

“All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin' In The Sun,
Talkin' 'Bout The Things
They Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Done...
But All Those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All Ran Away And Hid
From One Little Did.”

- Shel Silverstein

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Hi There

Onwards, Mush...

MUST work harder and faster; I need to send something off by the weekend. I had wanted to send both of the new chapters together, but if that's not possible, I have to send at least one.

Hyah!

My Vegetarian Stuffing

Night Before:

Boil potatoes, onion and celery; make mashed potatoes, with water, milk, butter, salt, pepper, garlic, parsley and chives. Refrigerate over night.


Day of:

Reheat mashed potatoes, and mix with a half cup of veggie bullion broth, celery seeds, rosemary, tumeric, poultry seasoning and a small portion of creamed chickpeas. (Half can of mushrooms, optional.) Let cool, while covered.

Toast two slices of whole wheat bread, and then crumble and toss in a plastic bag with seasoned oil (rosemary, garlic, etc.). Shake until the bread has absorbed the oil and picked up the seasoning.

Mix potatoes with crumbled bread, and press into lightly greased oven-safe casserole dish. Brush with oil or melted butter, and add a layer of slivered almonds on top.

Bake until brown and crusty. (Layer of shredded cheese on top, optional.)

Serve with mushroom gravy.

I don't want to say anything any more.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It's way too cold and dark for me to be up and getting ready for work right now. I wish I could crawl back into bed until a more civilized hour.

Hallowe'en Treats

Caramel Apples

INGREDIENTS
6 apples
1 (14 ounce) package individually wrapped caramels, unwrapped
2 tablespoons milk

DIRECTIONS
- Remove the stem from each apple and press a craft stick into the top. Butter a baking sheet.
- Place caramels and milk in a microwave safe bowl, and microwave 2 minutes, stirring once. Allow to cool briefly.
- Roll each apple quickly in caramel sauce until well coated. Place on prepared sheet to set.
(Crushed peanuts on some?)

***

Old Time Popcorn Balls

INGREDIENTS
2 cups white sugar
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
5 quarts popped popcorn
1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt


DIRECTIONS
- Butter the sides of a large saucepan. In the sauce pan combine the sugar, water, salt, corn syrup and vinegar. Cook over medium heat to the hard ball stage 250 degrees F (120 degrees C). Stir in the vanilla and slowly pour the hot mixture over the popped popcorn, stirring just to mix well.
- Butter hands lightly and shape into balls. Mixture will be hot so be careful. Place balls on waxed paper to cool.

5 Wunnerful Songs

So much wunnerful (in no particular order)...











(This reminds me - I have to get back to my 500 top songs lists soon...)

Request:

Don't send me any emails with "URGENT" in the subject line... unless, you know, it actually is.

Panicky people = not my favs.

Where are You, Hasanni?

Hasanni Campbell has been missing since August 10, seemingly without a trace. And now his story is fading from the media spotlight, and his case appears to be going cold.

But, tomorrow is his birthday... he is, or would have been, six.

Happy birthday, Hasanni.

Serves Me Right...

So now Sprout decides that 6.30am is a good time to wake up... Really should have gone to bed earlier last night. argh.

I Hate it When This Happens...

Too tired to work; too awake to sleep...

And it's too late to do anything useful, yet noisy, like clean or putter.

sigh.

anxiety

I am extremely panicky and anxious today, and I don't know why, exactly. It started yesterday, I think, when I was trying to quickly get some pages done while Sprout was asleep, but I had too many ideas swirling in my head and nothing would come out easily - I felt like I was having a heart attack. Today, it's much more generalized, but I have periods of shortness of breath, and just a lot of bouts of fear.

My personal, financial and academic life has been rather crummy recently, so I am not surprized I am feeling this way. It's just stress, I guess. I do hope it passes soon, though, as it's fairly crippling, and I just can't shake it.

Adrenalin overload is not fun - I can't even type without a million typos, as my hands are hyper and clumsy.

I just really freaked out and scared... but I can't even tell exactly why!

I want to be calm.

Why is it this crap always happens just as you start feeling like you might actually survive...?

oh, poop...

So, now due to more paper work and hassle, I am unexpectantly broke, and possibly not able to make rent without begging for help.

Happy new year, indeed.

RIP Patrick Swayze

Swayze died at home after a long, hard battle with pancreatic cancer, September 14, 2009.

Anyone up for watching Dirty Dancing some time this week?

HOLY HANNAH

I GOT A JOB!

CHIN UP!

And Now it's Friday!

Wow. Where did the week go?

Sprout and I have big plans - a Harry Potter movie a day until next Wednesday, when I hope we can go see the new one at the Movies for Mommies showing. Really hope it works out - I've been meaning to go to that now for a year, but it never pans out.

Oh well - time to take a little snuggle break with the babe.

Have a good weekend, everybody!

Feeling Blue?

Is It Thursday Again??

Holy moly - has it really been a week since I last updated???

Anyway, you can likely guess that I've been busy.

Life gets in the way of so much.

so far so good

I have been doing fairly well with the "two page minimum" (2 to 10 pages, DS) thing this week - if I keep that up, I should have this chapter done by the 15th!

Just keep on trucking.

junk

Now that school's nearly in regular session again, I see we are back to fifty million useless emails a day. Now I know why my tuition costs as much as if I were in actual classes... someone has to pay for all those annoying heads up about events I won't attend and notices I couldn't care less about.

My New Motto

YAY ME!

I have figured out that I have to write 2 to 10 pages (double spaced) every day from Sept 1 on if I want to have this chapter done by Sept 15 (ideally, earlier than that to make more time for the next chapter). I just got 2 pages in the can, already! So far so good!

From now on, though, unless inspiration strikes, I will try to do the chapter in the order I have on the outline to try to maintain some semblance of flow. So, I will likely not only do it in chunks of 2-10 pages, but in terms of completing assigned sections per day.

Now for a few hours of sleep, if I can, before Sprout wakes up (around 8 or so - thank heavens, he is not an early riser!). I only hope I can get my brain quieted down enough to let me rest... I wish I could watch a movie until I fall asleep, but I'm not really free to go digging around for DVDs in the dark.

MSN Live Messenger, Eat Sh!t and Die, Please

I give up. I have uninstalled MSN and will not bother trying it again. It is a clunky POS and always has been - but at least it used to log in. Now all I get is that "you are not signed in to the internet" bull pucky. THEN HOW AM I BLOGGING, HUH??? RIDDLE ME THAT AZZ BAGS!

I have uninstalled and reinstalled, tried every stupid little fix on their incredibly unhelpful troubleshooting site, etc, etc, etc.

So that's it. I will be on AIM occasionally, gchat rarely, but no more MSN.

Bite me, Microsoft.

testing

This is something of a test.

I fell asleep tonight putting Sprout to bed, because he was difficult about it tonight, but managed to wake back up at 2.30 or so. I have an idea I'd like to start writing out, but am scared to type, lest it wake him up - he's been restless.

So I am testing...

Still asleep...

So, I may as well give it a shot, I guess.

Watch me get a paragraph in and have him up. He always seems to know when the typing actually has a purpose. :(

I'm never going to get this thing done.

awwwww

Sprout is having a nap, and smiling in his sleep.

Sometimes, life is pretty magical.

I Need to Finish...

I really, really want this frigging dissertation done. Like, yesterday.

It's time to take my life off "pause" and get going.

I Need to Revise my Life a Little

Too many vises. Not enough real productivity. I really need to detox from a few things - like the instant procrastination of the internet.

I'm feeling a little bummed out today; not feeling like a very good human. I need to gather my thoughts a little and re-find my energy and motivation.

R.I.P. Ted Kennedy

I just heard that Ted Kennedy succumbed to his brain tumor tonight. It'll be strange to live in a world without a major Kennedy.

Best wishes to the family.

Good Day

We had a really nice day today - a couple hours bumming around the park, including some time lying on our backs watching the clouds, and a nice long nap. And guess who has a new premolar? So that means two premolars down, and two more to go! (And it seems each one gets easier on him, though he was in a bit of pain today, and seemed to have a weird foot-fever this morning - very odd.)

So, all in all, a fine day. Now, back to work... It's not all fun and games, my life.

OMG: KIDS IN THE HALL REUNION

... January 2010... must get TV for that month.

I Watch Stuff article.

Pretty Damned Wunnerful

Thanks to Katie for sending it to me.

*breathe*

I'm so nervous. I've tried cramming as much stuff into my brain as possible, and it's still not nearly enough. I need to calm down, though - I feel sick to my stomach.

I'll be just be glad when the interview is over, whichever way it goes...

calm...

nightmares

I had horrible nightmares last night, in which someone was trying to steal away my son, while I scrambled around trying to hide him. I was tired, and carrying him while running got so hard, but I knew I just had to keep going.

At first, we were inside this big, unfamiliar house and the man was trying to get in - so I bolted all the doors and windows, and moved heavy furniture in front of the doors (all while not being able to put the baby down, lest I lose him in the dark). Then we tried hiding in different rooms and closets, etc. But. then, somehow I realized the killer/kidnapper/whatever was inside with us. So I had to get outside - there I was struggling to move the furniture away one-handed again, so we could get out. It was dark out, though there was a moon, and I didn't know the land - it seemed very much like Wuthering Heights outside, and really full of sharp brambles. I think I saw people, but they were unable/unwilling to hear/help me.

It was possibly the most frightened I have ever been. I willed myself to wake up, but I didn't for a while. Finally, I did, and laid there crying and hugging my son for a while. Eventually, I calmed down and was able to go back to sleep. Only to have the same dream! This happened several times. I'm a complete wreck today.

I have a job interview tomorrow, and I really need to get it... I pray I am able to get sleep tonight...

Hasani Campbell Still Missing

ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION SHOULD CONTACT

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

1-800-843-5678 (1-800-THE-LOST)

or Oakland Police Department (California) 1-510-777-3333

I'm Still Alive

Busy, but still around.

Will update sometime in the future, I hope...

STILL MISSING

Attention Shoppers

I would sell one of my kidneys for egg rolls right now.

Being broke sucks.

Colouring

Sprout and I spent a good little time colouring - he's getting pretty good at it, and I think he's even now caught on to the fact that there are lines to follow.

Speaking of which, I am making him something for his 18 month birthday, but you can't tell him - it's safe to say on here, since he can't read yet. I am making him a colouring book out of a scrap book I bought at the corner store. Funny, I know, since I draw worth poop, but the line drawing isn't too hard. I just wanted him to have a book specially for him, with his favourite things in it.

Hard to believe he's this grown up. *sniffle*

Knock Wood...

A few good things have happened, but more details on that later, so I don't jinx anything. And Sprout is seeming to be a lot better, especially since he was able to eat a reasonable sized meal. Early bed for us tonight, I reckon.

Hoping for the Best...

Poor little mite...

Sunday

We woke up at 7.30... not exactly the rewarding day-off sleep-in for which I had been hoping, but not bad. Sprout is still warm, with a mild fever of 100.9 at one point today, but is in good spirits and fairly lively, though he's really starting to run down right now, in time for a nap. He still won't eat, which is a problem (though he's nursing a lot), but I hope I can tempt his tummy with something later today. At least some plain apple sauce should work. He seems to be done throwing up, so that's certainly a plus.

I am feeling ok - and even got a SHOWER in today! With real adult shampoo! (Not that I am filthy, mind, just stuck on a strict bath-only and baby shampoo regiment this past year and a half - showers of recent memory include three or four last April, and a couple in November 2008... Oh, shower, it has been too long.) How did I achieve this? An episode of "Arthur", and I just sidled away before he noticed I was gone. It seems the sound of the shower no longer terrifies him - progress!

Taking him to bed with a movie or something soon, so we can rest and enjoy a cuddle. (I've been leaning towards re-watching the Harry Potter films, so we might go that way for a day of bed rest.) Hopefully, I can get away and write some pages at some point today, but there's always my proctoring shifts tomorrow and Tuesday to get some things done.

Hope this flu (or whatever) is gone by tomorrow.

Some New-ish (Funny) Links of Note:

The Saga of Gary
MLIA Notes from the Edge
WFT Emails and Notes
Passive Aggressive FUs

Fever Update

Sprout just woke up and started saying "gah-gah gah-gaaaaah" (two gahs close together, pause, and again - like a malfunctioning motor) repeatedly.

My first thought: Oh no! He's delirious! My second thought: Oh, wait - he's a baby, and that's how he talks... Yup, I'm smart.

Turns out he's back down in the 90s (98.9F), and all is well. He just wanted a drink of milk and a snuggle to get him back to sleep. He wondered to where I had wondered off, I guess.

Hopefully, he will stay out of the 100s, and all will be well. I am forcing myself to stay up for another hour or so to check again before I zonk out, myself.

Meanwhile, I feel suspiciously queasy...

Three Things

1) I am sick of hauling my arse to campus every day in the way-too-early hours.

2) Sprout lost his little wooden train today, and I am still broken hearted about it. And feeling guilty that I didn't notice and save the poor little thing... The thought of it out there on some sidewalk is heartbreaking. He loved that thing, and so did I.

3) Even worse, Sprout is ill today, and running his second fever, ever - it's only low-grade, but bad enough to suck. Also bad: the 5 throw-ups he had today. I am really hoping he gets better before I have to repeat #1 on this list on Monday.

Dull Update

Made some progress on the dissertation these past days - I now have a good 16 pages in the can on the chapter - the Zohan section is now complete except for some tying it in with the theoretical framework, which will take me another 30 minutes at most. I hope to write the basic theory tomorrow, so that will be behind me. The chapter is growing much larger than I had hoped though... it looks like I might have to cut this and another chapter (already written in draft) up into two each - or cut a third off each and make a new chapter. Not sure which - both should be long enough to easily make four. In any case, it's good stuff, so I'd rather not lose any sections, but 80+ pages is too long for a single chapter.

Work is going well - I am grateful for the money, as I will need it in the uncertain times ahead...

R.I.P. John Hughes

The writer of Pretty in Pink (I heart Duckie) and director of The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles, John Hughes, died today.

Well, it's official - we're no longer teenagers. Bummer.

shucks

I'd give a kidney to be able to crawl back into bed with the little one.

:(

Like or Dislike?

At first, I really liked this picture... but, now, looking at the mother's face, I'm not so sure...

Whew

What a day! I am glad that was my one and only late work shift - all the others are daytime ones, which sucks because they are early, but bus travel is so much better.

Had the unexpected joy of having computer use at work tonight, so I managed to get a ton done, even. (I had only expected to be able to read/highlight/handwrite notes from some paper articles.) I am about 3/4 done that book I rescued from Sprout's toy box today!

Tomorrow is another day...

Things Are Looking Up!

Found my book - not hidden in a safe place, after all, but in a toy box. It figures. Sprout stashes everything in there eventually.

Also, we have water back - not sure about hot water, but any water is a start.

No sign yet of the storm - I hope this doesn't mean it's waiting until we step outside. It has about two hours to come and go, so fingers crossed. However, with such a nasty humidex, there are definite silver linings to the storm anyway - even if it costs me the price of a bus ticket.

Kick Me

I can't find a library book that I need - I likely put it somewhere "safe" where Sprout couldn't destroy it... and then can't find it again. Everywhere I look, piles of contraband keeps sliding and falling - naturally, Sprout is making hay while the sunshines, and I have to confiscate a million things from him - sparking off a million tantrums.

I haven't had time yet to have a bath, because I was pumping (which was not fun at all). My toilet bowl cleaner spilled while I was digging into the storage closet... and, then, when I went to wash my hands, I found that YET AGAIN there is no water in the building. sigh.

So, it's hot, and sticky, and now it looks like I might not get a bath or wash Sprout before I have to go to work. At least I have water in the fridge for use in making lunch. sigh.

What a day - ALREADY!

OH, and PS - We have to walk to downtown today, as my bus pass expired, and they just now threw up a thunderstorm warning. Yup.

Now I really have to laugh. Next will be a pratfall, I am sure...

STOP THE HAMMERING

Ugh. Nearby there are either renovations or the old lady upstairs is clogging... Driving me nuts.

Not too Shabby

I'm still behind, but I must say I've been powering on reasonably well these past few days, despite teething issues and Sprout learning how to climb EVERYTHING. Not too bad, at all.

Will be working for the next few days for moolah, so I might not get around to updating for a while.

...

Life is somewhat poopy, but it goes on.

Pondering...

In Buddhist ethics, the Anguttaranikaya identifies four categories of people: (1) those who live neither for their own good nor for the good of others; (2) those who live for the good of others but not for their own good; (3) those who live for their own good but not for the good of others; and (4) those who live for both their own good and for the good of others.

Which am I, and which shall I be?

17 Months

Today, Sprout turns 17 months old. Time flies and flies.

Last night, he nursed constantly (and I can tell you, this is not comfy with a baby with teeth) - the thunder storm kept him on edge practically all night, so it was the only way for him to sleep. We were awake every couple of hours, I think, as I seem to recall looking at the clock at 1, 2 and 4am, at least. So, today he's cranky and I feel like poo.

Think I might crawl into bed with him for a bit of a nap so I can get back to work tonight... time's running out, badly.

Yup. Time flies.

New Blog

I have started a new blog for games, songs, activities, poems, rhymes, etc., for Sprout. I find I am Googling old songs all the time, as my mind seems to be as leaky as a sieve when it comes to everything but the chorus of all the old songs I sang when I was a kid. I don't want to Google them more than once any more, so I wanted a place to put them.

Our song book, here.

Yup - Up Too Late

I can tell I've over done it a bit tonight... just flipped out, because I thought my ear bud was a giant black bug. The imaginary insects are never a sign of well-restedness.

Got a bunch done, though, if that's any consolation... however, Sprout will be up in less than four hours, so... ouch. Tomorrow's gonna be rough.

Yowzers

Got some stuff done, swept the floors, washed the stroller cover (finally - and what a bitch that was to get off), cleaned up the toys, washed down some of Sprout's play things, AND did some good, solid dissertation work.

Not a bad day's returns, really - now if I could be that productive every day, I might get somewhere...

What Day is it?

HA HA - Joke's on Mommy

Remember Dec finally producing the lost remote to the DVD player yesterday? Well, today the DVD player broke down.

Serves me right.

One Mystery Solved... Sort Of

My DVD remote has been MIA since the middle of February, and I searched everywhere. I knew Dec couldn't have removed it from the house, but other than that, I really figured it was lost until we moved.

This morning, while waiting for the eggs to boil, I was checking my email. I looked over to where Dec was playing... lo and behold! He was sitting there, calmly, chewing on the DVD remote.

No fanfare. No ceremony. Still no idea where it had been. He just produced it out of the same thin air he hid it in.

Baby's have strange and mysterious powers.

Thought for Today

You can learn a lot about how kids think about problems by reading the comments on YouTube videos, such as this episode of Arthur, where Buster and Arthur get in trouble over a toy stolen from a drugstore.

Very useful source of info for parents-in-training, I think.

It's Raining All Over the World

They have confirmed that the human remains found yesterday are indeed those of Tori Stafford.

Isn't is amazing how the loss of a child you never knew can make you cry? The clouds this morning suit my mood, as will the thunder we are meant to get later today - sad and angry. There's nothing else to feel about the case right now, except to say I am so relieved she isn't out in the ditch like trash any longer, but can now be laid to rest with dignity.

Miserable wastes of humanity that did this, may you never, ever have another moment's rest or respite as long as your horrible existences stretch on.

Sprout just giggled and plastered a banana sticker to my toe. And then tried to steal my coffee. A good reminder - life must, and does, go on. I have to take him to the doctor today to check on how he's growing; again, I feel the extent of my blessings.

It's likely a good thing I'll be away from the computer today. There's too much to feel to be able to say anything, really.

Rest in peace, Tori.

Mini-Update

Sent in a job application for the fall - fingers crossed!

Still working on dissertation and going day by day.

We're ok, in general.

That's about all for now.

colossal mistake

We have some fruit fly issues right now, but slowly but surely I am winning the war - that is, until I bought more fruit from my local grocery store, and now there seems to be a new wave, likely smuggled in from the produce section. yecch.

Anyway, I made the foolish decision to eat TWO bananas for breakfast this morning, in an attempt to get rid of them. Gross. I have no idea what people see in those things. My stomach has been rebelling ever since, and I can't even describe the heartburn. (It is normal for me to get heartburn from bananas - though this level of discomfort and out-right pain is a little unusual).

Wish I could turn back the clock on that one. Yuck.

I Was Wrong

I actually have 43 cents left after the ATM fees.

SCORE!

That's It

I will have 20 cents left in the bank after they finish charging me today's ATM fees.

So I am finally broke.

bleep

Meal Fatigue

I am so tired of figuring out what to make three times a day, every day. I used to just feel free to skip meals whenever I chose, but moms do not have that luxury. So three times a day, I find myself standing in the kitchen sighing, and trying to guess what he might like this time.

Where the hell are those meal pills they promised us back in the 50s?

Happy Birthday, Tori

Today, Tori Stafford would have been 9.

Rest in peace.

shudder

I think I just saw an earwig on the window sill by the bed, but I don't think I can find and irradicate it without waking the tot... but I'm not sure I can sleep over there knowing it is lurking, nor do I want to leave tot at its mercy.

gah. I hate summer.

Ain't No Road Too Long...

Kiss Make Better?

Well, Sprout's got quite the knot on his head. He got off the futon, and cracked himself on the filing cabinet, silly goose. Why does he always do these things right before nap?

So, now we're waiting the two hours before he can actually go to sleep. He's actually fine - pupils are responding to light, and no nausea, and he's in a great mood... but better safe than sorry, huh?

He's being pretty hilarious, though - groggy from wanting a nap, and playing around here like the little budding comic he is.

Once again, mommy is more concerned by the injury than Little Man. But don't worry - he just gave me a kiss and a hug to make me feel better.

Rise and Shine and Up and At'em.

Back to Work

Keeping on keeping on... Hoping to get this chapter done soon - it's the second most important of the whole shebang!

Drove the first golden spike tonight.

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...

Oh, the Irony!

Two dead, one missing in possible Ontario tornado

American tourists killed after their cabin reportedly tossed into lake by tornado

Jennifer MacMillan
Globe and Mail Update
Last updated on Friday, Jul. 10, 2009 03:44PM EDT

Two men are dead and a third is missing after a suspected tornado struck a fishing lodge in Northern Ontario, sucking up the tourists' cabin and dropping it into the nearby lake.

The Ontario Provincial Police reported the tourists are men from Oklahoma. The bodies of two of them were found in the water shortly after the storm passed.

Boats and divers from the OPP marine unit are currently searching the water for the third man, along with a helicopter from the Ministry of Natural Resources.

(Bold and Italics by me, for emphasis.)

Source: G&M.

Endangered Missing: Damian Duncan, TN, USA

Please, click to enlarge.

UPDATE: FOUND SAFE! YAY!

I...

... AM SO FRIGGING G.D. SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT MICHAEL FREAKING JACKSON. ARGH!

OK, just needed to unload that.

Carry on.

R.I.P. Mrs Slocombe

Mollie Sugden dies at 86
British comic actress starred in 'Served'
By ASSOCIATED PRESS

British comic actress Mollie Sugden, who played the formidable saleswoman Mrs. Slocombe in the BBC's long running comedy series "Are You Being Served?", died July 1 in London. She was 86.

Sugden built a career playing strong-willed, overbearing women -- she played a snobbish mother in "The Liver Birds," a comedy about two women sharing an apartment in Liverpool in the 1970s -- but it was her role as Betty Slocombe that made her a household name.

As the bossy saleswoman who dominated the underwear section at the Grace Brothers department store, Sugden delivered double entendres in a perfectly outraged voice, shaking her tightly curled, dyed hair.

The show ran from 1973 to 1985 and at its height attracted audiences of over 20 million.

Sugden was born in Keighley, in northern England, and trained at London's prestigious Guildhall School of Music and Drama. She met her husband William Moore in 1956 while they were both acting in theater. They married two years later and their twin sons were born six years after that.

Moore died nine years ago. She is survived by two sons.

You Know What Blows My Mind?

Gordon isn't Gordon. He's really Roscoe.

WTF?

Missing Teen: Jodi Henrickson, BC

ZOMG CUTE!

Happy Canada Day!

MISSING: Lindsey Baum, Washington State, USA

LINDSEY J BAUM
Case Type: Endangered Missing
DOB: Jul 7, 1998	Sex: Female
Missing Date: Jun 26, 2009	Race: White
Age Now: 10	Height: 4'9" (145 cm)
Missing City: MCCLEARY	Weight: 80 lbs (36 kg)
Missing State : WA	Hair Color: Brown
Missing Country: United States	Eye Color: Brown
Case Number: NCMC1125977
Circumstances: She was last seen leaving a friend's house on the evening of June 26, 2009. Lindsey was last seen wearing a light blue hooded pullover shirt and blue jeans. ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION SHOULD CONTACT National Center for Missing & Exploited Children 1-800-843-5678 (1-800-THE-LOST) McCleary Police Department (Washington) 1-360-533-8765

Everyone Has a Price

Pirate Bay founders get rich in jail
Tue Jun 30, 2009 8:40am EDT

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - Swedish software company Global Gaming Factory X AB said on Tuesday it had agreed to buy free file-sharing website The Pirate Bay, and that it would find ways to compensate copyright owners for downloaded material. The four Swedish men behind the website were sentenced in April to one year in jail and ordered to pay damages of 3.6 million dollars for running the site, which is one of the world's largest for downloading files on the Internet.

The buyer said the website, for which it would pay 60 million Swedish crowns ($7.7 million), was viable based on plans for a new business model that would satisfy both content providers and copyright owners.

"We would like to introduce models which entail that content providers and copyright owners get paid for content that is downloaded via the site," said Global Gaming Chief Executive Hans Pandeya in a statement.

Music and film companies including Warner Bros. (WMG.N), MGM, Columbia Pictures, 20th Century Fox Films, Sony BMG (6758.T), Universal (GE.N) (VIV.PA) and EMI had sought damages of more than 100 million Swedish crowns ($12.6 million) to compensate for lost revenues.

The verdict has been appealed to a higher court.

($1=7.826 Swedish Crown)

(Reporting by Veronica Ek; Editing by Jon Loades-Carter)

***

Well, end of an era. I suppose I should be gracious about this, but I'm not. They are caving, and in so doing, they are stabbing everyone who believed in them in the back - not even just because they are selling out, but because they have chosen to lie about, and act as if this change was about anything but getting their money for their lawsuit. If they would just come out and say, "we fought the good fight, but we lost, so we're getting out," that would be better than this crap they are trying to sell.

The deal will be complete in August, so you have one month left to finish your downloads, figure out how to delete your user account (or force them to let you do so), and exit stage left.

The last one out, turn off the lights.

Another Cuppa

I finally found a vid of this sucker on YouTube. No need to thank me...

Share the Horror

One Safe

Oh my gosh, I'm a little tense right now. Sprout and I were at the park, but had to head back home when it started thundering. I am so glad we did! About a half a block away, there was a small boy of about 5 wandering in the street, stopping traffic. There were some people calling out to him, and one man stopped his SUV and plucked him out of the street to the relative safety of the sidewalk. (Thank heavens for this, as that task would have been pretty impossible for me while pushing the stroller.) The boy was unresponsive and clearly extremely distressed. He was also banging his head, which made me quite concerned about approaching him (lest I freak him out). I followed him along the street, but he was determined to lose me - and all the other adults around basically decided, somehow, that it was no longer their concern, which was a bit bizarre. Finally, he wandered down a slope behind a building, and I hollered to some ladies out smoking on their balconies to call 911. Once they realized he was not my son, they responded very quickly. So did the police. Well, about 50 minutes later, the cop and the boy and I (with an extremely patient Sprout in his stroller) were going up and down on the street seeing if anyone recognized him. He wouldn't (couldn't?) talk very much, and I suspect his English was not very good. Some of the ways he repeated my words (in a whisper) sounded a little like Hindi, i.e. saying "ghool" when I asked him if he went to school. By the end, he might have said his name was "Anandy," but I can't be certain.

Finally, after a long search, the cop's dispatcher called to say that a boy fitting the description had been called in as missing - quite a distance away! I didn't even recognize the name of the street they said. Anyway, the cop took him home, I assume, but it broke my heart - as they walked the opposite direction back to the squad car, the little boy was clearly distressed to leave me. But, by this time Sprout was crying, so I had to get back home. But I miss that little guy - at least I got to give him a hug and to wish him well. I really hope he gets home safe, and that this was just a freak occurrence of his parents dropping their guard for a moment. The cop was very complimentary of me for stopping, but I am horrified to think that a lot of people wouldn't have. I also shudder to think of the type of people who might have...

I have two new great moments in my life's worth of good moments: the moment he first took my hand, and the moment that dispatcher called with his description.

One issue I had, though: the LE asked me my name, number and address, but did not ask for ID. I could have so easily given them a false name. I actually had to show them my ID on my own accord. This, I think, was a bit of a lapse. Otherwise, the police officer was very good with the boy, and I trust that the situation will end happily. (I am mostly just blogging this out, as I just stepped inside and want to catch the details before I forget them.)

Now it is time to take Sprout to bed, and feel grateful that it wasn't my little boy running down the center of a busy street today. So scary!


EDIT: I just used google maps to see where they said the boy reported missing was from, and it is literally all the way across the city - 11km away, near a highway! How on earth did he get down here?

Does anyone know if it would be ok for me to call tomorrow to see if they'd tell me how it turned out? I think I will - I still worry about the little guy.

Apropos

I am so utterly depressed.

And the heat is not helping.

The Best Ep of Thomas the Tank Engine, Ever

working... thinking

glug

I have that stupid Wiggles song about "Dorothy's lovely rosy tea" in my head, and it won't shake loose.

Makes me Misty, for Some Reason

This is Me These Days:

Wha...?

Can anyone explain to me why these turkeys are singing Shalom Aleichem with Austro-Hungarian dancers??? They do something similar in Wiggles Play Time, only with German volk costumes.

If you are going to both singing a Hebrew song, can you not do an nth of research into the appropriate background?

ugh.

on til morning

Finished the second to last article last night, and sent it off around 4am. Sadly, Declan was awake by 8.30am. Oh well, onwards and upwards...

mmmm... coffee

RIP Kwai Chang Caine

Looks like David Carradine finally caught the pebble. Rest in peace, Grasshopper.

Mission Statement - EXCITING

This dissertation examines the surface liberalism of Hollywood in regards to Jewish-Gentile intermarriage. First, I cover several films that do exhibit a liberal ethos illustrating the ongoing commitment to tolerance by the Jewish-Americans; I then advance a theory that films in the past 40 years have increasingly questioned the earlier notions of assimilation/acculturation-by-intermarriage put forth in traditional Hollywood cinema. I interpret this contemporary trend as an increase of communitarian ideals in Hollywood film. I explain this, first, according to film history that suggests that ethnic voice has been more pronounced since the 1960s, but also, more particular to the Jewish-American community, that it has come after the Jews have had several successful generations and no longer feel the need to assimilate, but, rather, wishes to recapture the feelings of tradition and community that liberalism has eroded in them since their Americanization, and to reassert the Jewish identity that was never truly lost, despite the feelings of some that the Jews are no longer a significant minority but have joined the mainstream. This work is also put into the context of the history of intermarriage of Jews with gentiles in America.

RIP ROP

I had to get rid of the ROP - it was crap. Got a free one off the net, instead. I really hope it works, and isn't just a placebo... 

ROP is a POS

I hate, hate, hate, HATE the new Rogers Online Protection. Like, with the heat of a thousand undying suns. LOATHE it. My life is pretty much 70% more stressful now that Rogers has booted Norton in favour of this crawling, elephantine monstrosity.

The virus scan tried to run the other day, and it locked up my comp so badly I had to leave the house while it did its thing. TWO HOURS LATER: TEN PERCENT SCANNED!!! The "Spyware Scan"... FIVE HOURS LATER: NINE PERCENT SCANNED!!! WTF!?!?! Also, it refuses to do these scans at the times I have scheduled, but decides to do them, oh, whenever - actually, usually when I am most busy.

ARGH.

Riddle me this: What is the point of aggressively thorough scans if I can/will never run them because they take too long? Give me quick and shallow, Rogers, just like life itself.

ARGH.

I Love Jesus, but...

LOLs, for real.

Words for the Day

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."

(Talmud)

I <3 Whoopi

ugh

You Have to Love Buffy

FB/Twitter/Blog

So my internet presence has drastically reduced this last month. Perhaps you have noticed; perhaps you haven't. In any case, I don't really want to explain why I'm not online any more - we can just chalk it up to me having to be more disciplined about my computer time... That'll work. However, it's kind of depressing. Increased isolation is not really a good thing. bah.

Aftermaths

- I am now 31.

- After the disappointing and horrifying news about Tori Stafford, I cannot deny Declan anything that he enjoys.

- After a great comedy of errors yesterday, I finally have a wireless mouse. And a blister the size of a dime on my big toe.

On that subject, to lighten the mood:

Strange Fruit

i'm broken and can't be fixed

i can't stand any of this any more

eeeep.

1. Introduction (20-40) -- July 1

2. The Construction of the Jews (30-40) -- revised by June 23

3. Romance as Genre and Social Force (30-40) -- April 28 (Submitted in draft)

4. Intermarriage and the Jews in America (30-40) -- May 26 or June 2

5. Intermarriage Films and Liberalism (50-60) -- May 19/20

6. Intermarriage Films and the Critique of Liberalism (60-75) -- May 5/6

7. Conclusions (20-30) -- June 16/17

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

My Last Tutorials

Song For the Day

Harold and Maude. Great movie, though I tend to avoid mentioning it, as it is going through a stage of popularity right now amongst a certain type of bubblehead who fails to recognize that a lack of dignity is different from a surplus of free spirit. In any case, a song for us all today.

blargh

Wordle Cloud

Neat (even though the link function doesn't work very well).

Time Flies

Was it really Monday the last time I updated? Where has the time gone! I have been marking like a demon - 50 papers with only a week turnover - less than a week, really, since I had to wait til Monday to get my rubrics copied. I am also giving a talk and showing Annie Hall tonight on WLU campus. I am so busy this week, I had to pass up a shift of exam proctoring - though it was 8 hours, anyway, which is a bit too long to leave Declan, so I'm not too upset about missing that one. Though the money would have been awesome.

Only one more tutorial before spring break! I can't wait for a week to myself. But between then and now, I also have a chapter of dissertation due - a big one. YIKES!

I need to stop time for just a few days of solitude...

You Never Can Tell

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.


IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
One Foundation.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Shamrock City.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Ice Cream.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
SEX. (Zappa Rules!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
True Love Ways.

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Catch the Wind.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Morning Has Broken.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Plenty.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Got You (I Feel Good)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
The Two Ronnies.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Let's Hear it for the Boy.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Pimper's Paradise.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Kissing the Lipless.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
This Year.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Posthuman.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Holding Out for a Hero.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
It's a Man's Man's Man's World.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
Somebody's Eyes.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I'll Fly Away.

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Everyone.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Cross Canada.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
You Never Can Tell.

feeling a bit better - food and work and some conversation and a bath all did the trick.

Wasteful

Today was a relatively warm and sunny day, but a mixture of depression, stress and lack of things to do outside has flushed it away. I am climbing the walls being in here, but the thought of going out in the world (which seems hostile and distant today) is rather intolerable. Dec is napping right now, but I really hope we can at least take a stroll before he wakes up, as long as no further catastrophes hit today.

I'm losing my mind.

misery

I've got a migraine, and life is just a complete wreck right now, and so are my nerves. I keep trudging forward, but that trudge is getting harder and harder. But I have to keep going. It's not just me in this any more, so I don't have the option of quitting. I press on, and hope for the best.

I am thankful for what/who I do have, and aim to turn poop into new seedlings.

can't sleep

Happy Birthday, Katie!

I admit defeat. White flag is up.

I will stop fighting the inevitable, and go with the flow.

have the strangest urge - if i were to have another son, i am inspired to name him "wistful"... an under used name these days.

Canada Post... More Rant

Canada Post makes me wish I had a big dog. A mean one. Yet again, more foul ups. With absolute impunity. Yes, I know the argument that they do deliver a lot of stuff, with relatively few errors considering the volume, yadda yadda yadda... But when they do foul up, they do it SPECTACULARLY.