
I've heard the risque chestnut that women try anal sex twice: Once to see what it is like; the second time to see if it really was as bad as she remembers. Well, I am not commenting on anal sex, but I can say that that saying pretty much perfectly describes my experience with the dreadful
New in Town (2009).
And, yes, it was as bad as I remembered.
It seemed innocuous enough: A fish-out-of-water romantic comedy about a no-nonsense business exec (the ever-pouting Renee Zellweger) coming from Miami to downsize a small Minnesota (a place I tend to like on film) factory. Sparks fly between her and the local union boss. (Played Harry Connick Jr - why is he in so many romcoms? He looks like someone's ugly cousin.)
Will love ensue? You're right in assuming so. In fact, from the opening credits, you are likely right in every single last prediction you have about this movie. It really is that paint-by-numbers. It makes not one step in the region of originality.
But, hey! It's a genre pic, so I don't hold formula against it. Actually, it can be really relaxing and comfortable to settle in and watch a movie that doesn't surprize you. If it amuses, that is. Sadly, this one does the opposite - it aggravates, annoys and angers. (Attractive and alluring alliteration, that.)
First, the locals do have that external "we're so simple and friendly, dontcha know?" feel that so many of these films have, but this appearance is completely belied by the constant cold nastiness they show towards Zellweger's character. I mean, I understand that being a corporate suit in hard economic times comes with a "kick me" sign, but these people are horrid. Over and over again. And it makes little to no sense to have a factory full of people who are supposed to be worried about losing their jobs be completely insubordinate and unwilling to work. This movie, whether it intends it or not, is one long explanation of why American factories are being shut down in favour of workers less filled with a feeling of entitlement in other places. Places where people might actually want to work. (Even I got that message from this film, and I am pro-union!)
Second, there is no chemistry, whatsoever. Not just between the heavily botoxed Zellweger (seriously - NO expression, ever) and Harry Ratface Jr, but in general. Nothing has any charm. Nothing is likable. There is no magic, or even anything approximating magic. Just a bunch of actors who look miserable, pissed off and wishing to be elsewhere. Sort of like the audience.
Not even
J.K. Simmons was enjoyable, and I usually adore him - especially as middle class working guy smart asses, which he normally plays perfectly. I think he is one of the greatest character actors of our times, in fact. In this, he does give a twinge of effort, and does manage to produce the only bearable moments in the film, but even his obvious screen charisma is not enough to make this film worth the retinal power.
Finally, the lighting. Oh holy hell, the lighting. Now, I know Renee is no spring chicken any more, and her skelator incarnation doesn't really compete with her winsome cuteness in
Bridget Jones, in my opinion, but she is hardly ugly. In
New in Town, though, she would have to work hard to come up to the beauty level of sea hag. Between her lifeless, stringy hair and her pitted, lackluster skin, she should sue the makeup, hair and lighting departments on this film. And toss in the costuming department for making her reminiscent of Cruella deVil, only in search of simple rural souls instead of puppies. She looked and acted like a dissatisfied marm. Even when they had the obligatory "casual letting the icy guard down for the male lead for some chit chat on the sofa" scene, she had all the appeal of a Socialist charwoman. What on earth did she do to the DP to make them treat her this way?
Of course, she has no one to blame but herself for the bad botox.
But Zellweger's attractiveness (or lack thereof) is not the only lighting sin. Really, the whole movie has this thick, unappealing pea soup look to it that really doesn't scream "romcom magic." (Though, I guess it does capture the spirit of industrial drudgery.) Just a bit of care in the film craft could have gone a long way to make this less offensive to the human spirit. Dismal is the only word for the whole bloody mess.
Now, I have seen reviewers blame all this on having a foreign director who perhaps didn't understand how American romantic comedy is expected to look. That might be the case, I don't know. But I do know if you have a formula film, you at least have to present it well. This film failed on all scores.
So, why did I watch it
twice? The first time I saw it, I had purchased it extremely cheap, previously viewed (note I'm not saying "previously
enjoyed"), as I thought it was a harmless enough thing to take up an evening. The second time, I watched it because I had trouble believing it really was as bad as I remembered it being. Indeed, it may have been worse.
I am writing this now to save you the trouble of even seeing it once. Don't bother. If you wish to see a film in the classic subgenre of city slicker coming to a small town to save a small factory full of quirky characters, rent the highly (
highly!) superior,
Kinky Boots - so superior, I cringe even to mention it in the same post as this piece of dung. Another that comes to mind is the likable
Spotswood (aka
The Efficiency Expert in American release). Or the memorable and bold 1996 flick
Brassed Off! These are all fine films that show how small communities can pull together to control their destiny in the face of corporate anonymity, and, in the process, transform the individual. And all three have some enjoyable romantic elements.
New in Town seems to want to focus more on the romance than the industrial aspect, which would be fine if the romance actually worked. In the end, it failed at both.
Don't waste your time.