Interview Update

It went really well, I thought.

I almost had a stroke at first though... 2.59, no Skype call... 3.02, no Skype call... 3.03, no Skype call... I started freaking about whether my privacy settings were not letting them contact me, or maybe I was wrong and Penn is in a different time zone, etc. haha - Panic is fun! Anyway, they did call, and the tech stuff was pretty much glitchless (for once).

The actual interview was fine, I think. I droned a little on some questions, and I flubbed one of them (sorta), but I totally frigging nailed a couple questions I couldn't possibly have anticipated ("What are the main differences between teaching Native American religion to Canadian students versus American students?" WTH?) - so that has to count for something.

However, I just got an email reply to my "thank you" in which the interviewer ended with "All the best," which of course makes me start thinking I am out of the running... Pretty silly to let wording run away from me, but it can't really be helped. Nerves happen.

In general, quite okay. Fingers crossed on getting a second interview.

Panic

Woke up this morning in a major state of anxiety - I thought I had overslept and missed something really important, like work or class, etc... It makes sense, I guess, since today is the last day before everything starts off and running. Today, I have lots to do to prepare - laundry, and the phone tech guy is coming to figure out why my phone line dies every couple of hours and reboots continually.

Tomorrow, the real stress begins: Sprout starts daycare, so I am in knots about that, making sure his little bag is packed with his supplies and so forth. Lots of maternal hand-wringing going on there. I hope he likes it.

Tomorrow, the online course also begins, and I still am not certain what the hell I am supposed to do with the thing.

Thursday, I have my Big Scary Job Interview via Skype with a uni in the States, for a job I never, ever thought I would even have a shot at. I have no idea how to even prepare for that, aside from polishing my webcam lens.

Then, next Monday, not only does Sprout start daycare for his two days a week, but I start teaching, with my first actual class. It's a little horrifying.

So, add to that all the work I need to get done this month, and I am a little freaked out. But, today is still a holiday, so I need to breathe and stay calm. Cleaning, laundry, spending time with the tot... Calm.

Really, not calm... But working on it.

***

ETA: I just had the extreme pleasure of cancelling my phone tech appointment, since the phone seems to be doing fine now (since about 4pm last night). The guy on the phone ran a test, and he said it looked fine from his end, as well. I suspect it was a system problem that had nothing to do with my phone box, anyway. In any case, phone is working and I don't have a tech guy infiltrating my home today. So, now my day is clear to work, do laundry and prepare the tot and I for the onslaught we face this week. Now, to explain "daycare" to the poor kid...

Resolutions, 2011 Edition

2010 has been quite a year. I had my first professional fiction published, got my first academic job and my first real interview (coming up in January!), finished and received my PhD... All that has been wonderful. I have also spent the entire year living hand to mouth without a job, scraping and dodging, and trying to come up with every month's rent like a crisis. I guess you could say 2010 has been the best of times and the worst of times. I'm kind of glad it's over, but I have done a lot and made a lot of progress, so I am happy it went the way it did. It could have been more comfortable, but we survived.

So, now, in the last week of 2010 - some goals for the upcoming year.

1. To continue writing and improving at my writing, since i does make me happy, but to make it a smaller part of my waking hours.

2. To increase my academic publishing and conference record for the CV.

3. To continue to strive for a permanent teaching job, or, failing that, to secure term-by-term contracts all year so I don't have to deal with unemployment in 2011. Or, failing even that, to save as much as I can during the good times so the lean times won't be so stressful.

4. To do really, really well at my teaching - I need good evaluations for the job hunt, and I want to make myself proud of me.

5. To generally live a better life. Be healthier, keep a better home, stay on top of things and be less stressed. To enjoy my time with the tot more, and be a happier person. To have a better life, in all the big and small ways I can do that.

Happy 2011!

panicky

I have anxiety nausea, for some reason, and a deep feeling of dread, like bad things are going to happen. I hope it's just a weird paranoia feeling that will pass, but it is making me antsy. Trying to take a few deep breaths and calm down, but it's not working so far.

I have a ton of work to do tonight, but I am thinking of hitting the hay early with a book. Then again, doing some of that work might alleviate my anxiety, so I don't know.

busy, busy, busy

Getting my two course sites up and running - brand new finalized syllabi are up in PDF, no less. I also designed the rough drafts for the term paper instructions and midterm for my in-class course, and marked out a time management plan on a separate calendar to make sure I can handle all the marking that comes with 160 students (100 first years; 60 third years).

I am also catching up on a bunch of academics-related emails that had fallen by the wayside while I fought off the plague - an editor of an encyclopedia wants to know if I can write them some entries, and some grad student wants me to participate in a panel discussion, and I had to do some follow up on some RA work and a job application.

The next couple of weeks will be dedicated to reading ahead for both courses, preparing lectures in advance (my in-class course and one guest lecture), re-writing that chapter, and doing those two Valentine's Day short stories. I also want to finish and edit my NaNo novel so I can submit it to a publisher in January... That's a lot to do, with not a lot of time to do it.

Also, as a side note, the tot has discovered that claiming to need to go poop in the potty is a great way to defer bedtime for at least 20 minutes. Kid's an evil genius for sure.

Sickness; Parenting Woes

Sprout is fairly ill - fever and a bad cough. He's a trooper, but he was really sluggish today. Now I feel my chest starting to ache, as well.

I've also been a little obsessed with coaxing him to talk more, since daycare is making me panicky (places like that love to label kids, and I don't want him stuck with three different forms of therapy this year or something).

Uh oh - I hear a coughing tot. Must go.

argh

Well, spending the day trying to figure out childcare for next term so I can teach (yeah, I know - I'm a little late). It looks like there is nothing available, so I'll likely have to turn to whomever has hung their shingle, which makes me want to vomit with anxiety. The thought of leaving him with some random somebody... Good Lord, this is not what I had in mind when I decided to reproduce.

It's either that or give up the job, and I think if I quit now, just weeks before the already-full course was supposed to start, I can pretty much kiss my teaching career goodbye.

This sucks.

More Ups and Downs

What a day.

I woke up with some sort of stomach thing that kind of ruined my morning, but I got over it. I did some book promo stuff, which was all fine, and then I fixed my library privilege issue, which is great.

THEN, I get an email... My heavens, such an email. A school in the States wants to interview little ol me for a Real Tenure Track Job!

They said, specifically - if you are in town for such-n-such conference, we could easily meet up there. OR (as we know not everyone will be able to go), we can do phone interview just as easily.

I sat there for a good two minutes, absolutely stunned. I have never gotten this far in a real job search. This position, though extremely well-suited to my education and research interests, is really about five years out of my league. I was thrilled. Terrified. Shocked.

But ecstatic. This is real progress, folks!

So, I email my ex-advisor with the news, and she promptly informs me that if I don't go to the conference, I've lost it from the start, because if I take the phone option I will not get the job.

...

So, deflated, I pretty much lost all excitement within 20 minutes of that e-mail. There is no way I can afford to travel to the States, and knowing that the phone interview is likely a waste of time did not help me.

BUT, I start to think... Hey, the guy said either way was fine, so I'm going to take that as his word, and do what I can. Yes, the in-person people will have an edge, but I am also perfect for the job (minus the one to five years of teaching experience most people have before they are even considered for a tenure track job). I'm personable, and, frankly, in-person is not always a bonus if you are not great looking or well dressed or a seasoned travellor, right?

She has her point, but I am going to assume I am not yet licked.

And, in any case, this really is progress that I managed to survive the first round of cuts and got this far. This is Big News.

So, I start to bring myself out of it all. And I call my mum, and she agrees this is very exciting. And I ask her about her day.

My dad is in hospital tonight. He got another windpipe obstruction, so they are removing it and doing some sort of procedure to widen his windpipe. And tests for throat cancer.

So...

Yes.

It's been quite a day.

Hoping for the best on all accounts.

pray for mojo

I might be scarce for the next while.

I am, as always, trying to work as much as I can for money - got some typing to do, so that is good stuff I can do from home. Plus, I really need to work ahead on my courses. I have my course outlines due to the dept for next term by the 1st-3rd of December, and a heck of a lot of writing to do on top of that.

I want to have two short stories, my novel and an academic chapter all ready to submit by the end of December. I will also likely soon have the edits on my novel to do, whenever they send them to me. (Tonight, I have a novella galley to proof.) As usual, I should also be promoting my available works whenever I can, which is a pain in the butt. I have to make a trailer for my upcoming release this weekend, before I forget to do it.

blaaaaah.

Guilty Conscience

I feel really guilty.

I took Sprout to the park today, and on the way home he pitched this long, drug out temper tantrum - all the way home. He refused to walk or be carried, so I basically had to fling him under my arm and struggle him on home. He is not very light any more, especially when he is flailing and I am sick as a dog.

As he kicked and flailed and struggled, he kept knocking his hat off - this really ugly hat he picked out for himself and adored for some reason. Any way, about the fifth time it flew off, I told him if he did it again, I wouldn't go back for it. I was an inch away from bursting into tears myself with humiliation and frustration, and every minute or so a boot or something would go flying and I couldn't handle trying to keep everything juggled.

Well, he knocked it off once more, so we left it. He cried, but by that point I just wanted to get home. It stayed on the sidewalk.

Now I feel like an enormous heel about it. He doesn't seem to be mourning the loss, but I feel so mean. I admit I am having difficulty coping with his public (and even his private) tantrums, and sometimes I just reach the limits of my sanity. Still, I feel bad about him losing his hat.

I just can't shake the feeling that I am constantly screwing up, and it's wearing on me.

Life isn't great right now.

Work Work Work

You know, for an unemployed person, I sure am busy these days.

My NaNoWriMo project is steaming along, at about 36.5k - only 15k until I meet the minimum requirement, which I should reach this week (fate and toddler willing), but the book is meant to be more along the lines of 60-65k, so it will take me a bit longer to reach that. I am also looking for interested publishers. I thought I had one in mind that seemed terrifically ideal, but with further research I am not so sure. I am thinking of playing with the big boys and sending it to Harlequin's e-book off print. We'll see how that goes.

This week, one of my short erotic romances releases for sale, and on December 10th my Christmas romance comes out. I have to remind myself to do those book trailers, ASAP. sigh. In December, I will have to write a couple Valentine's stories if I can find the time, as well, since next term I won't have the time to write much. (Planning one novella for all of next term, so I have to make hay while the sun shines.)

In other writing news, I finished off one freelance gig for a mag in the UK, and some editing work (some for money, some for my upcoming fiction releases), and am now off to re-write an academic chapter I submitted for an edited volume. The editor said he wanted the topic in the book, but didn't like my "flow." So, we'll see what we can do about that. He offered to call me to discuss it, but given the tot's obsession with the phone, that is so not a good idea at the moment. The editor has AIM, so maybe we'll go that way. Though it will be a ton of work to re-write the thing, I have hopes of doing it before the New Year.

I continue hoping to squeeze in some time to convert the dissertation for publication, as well. High hopes, indeed!

In terms of work, I submitted a really important job application (for a Real Job, yo), which was a lot of scurrying. I also applied for another class here for next term, which I actually got (YAY!), so now I am busy trying to prepare for two courses running from Jan to April 2011. It's hard work, and a bit stressful, but really exciting. I am starting to look forward to my courses. Check in again in February, though, as that excitement will likely have worn off by then. The finalized syllabi are due to the dept by December 1, so that is my task for the next while. Then I can start stockpiling lectures and materials, and start working on the course websites. I have a couple more applications for Sept 2011 due in January, and I am hoping the job ads for summer courses will come out soon, so there will soon be that fun, as well.

Aside from all that, which I think is a lot, there has also been the day-to-day mommy/life stuff, but that's a lot less interesting, so I shall spare you. Soon, I need to start preparing for the holidays, as well, so FUN FUN FUN there. sigh.

I hope everyone is well, and bears with me as I often neglect this poor old blog. I will return when I can.

There's my completely uninteresting, utilitarian post. Enjoy!

october's safe... now for november

Well, paid the last of the bills for October, so now I will have a couple of weeks without harassing calls, etc. This is my favourite part of the month. The calm before the storm starts up again, as it were... Now, I have to start worrying about making the last week of Oct/first week of Nov gauntlet run, but it's at least not to a stressful point, yet.

Also still keeping in mind that $115 I need to attend graduation, if I can... Not a huge concern compared to the others, but still important to me.

Work, however, is getting rather fever pitch. By October 15th, I am hoping to have the Xmas novella and an Xmas short ready for submission, a chapter for the dissertation ready to send to a fellow editing a volume, and my bookstore order in for the class next term. I also have the Chaplin article to edit this week, some job apps, and some editing work coming up, as well as two lectures to give later in the month. That's a lot of words to produce in just a few short weeks. Let's hope the squid doesn't run out of ink any time soon.

All that and the fun of regularly scheduled human survival maintenance! YAY!

So, nothing to do but to do it, I guess.

Aaaaaaannnnnddd... GO!

behind

Recent tasks and upheavals (and, I'll admit it, too much sleep and slacking) have left me behind on my current writing projects.

I meant to have my 15k holiday short done for tomorrow, but as I only have about 2k done, that ain't gonna happen. I managed to get an extension until Oct 15, but I can only afford to give myself until Oct 5, or it will knock out my 5k holiday erotic short and my 7k Valentines Day short.

So, 15k short for Oct 5 (which means about 4k a day in order to find time for editing and maybe a beta reader); Oct 15 for my 7k Valentine's Day short; Nov 1 for my 5k holiday erotic... and then Dec 31 for my full length novel.

(Not to mention the job apps I want to do, and the academic chapter I want to submit for October 15, which will require me to select and renovate a dissertation chapter. And course prep for next term, of course, and some editing, etc, for money, as well as another lecture to do for October.)

Yowzers.

WRITE WRITE WRITE! GO GO GO!

TCB

I working on problems, and trying to keep on writing. I feel I am making progress on both scores. I hope.

I am hoping I can juggle grad fees, rent and bills, while not starving... We'll see about that.

Just wanted to give you an update, in case you were concerned the stress finally pushed me off the deep end.

:P

Such a Moron

Who? Me. I'm a moron.

I put things off and put things off, playing chicken with reality, to the point where I make my own troubles.

sigh.

money

So, if I don't get together an extra $300 by Sept 30, I will not graduate in October. This on top of the rent and other bills (plus food) I need to scrape up from lord knows where this month.

So, yeah. I won't be graduating this October. Not sure if I ever will now.

I am so glad I wasted so much tuition over the past years. So terribly glad.

not much to say, really

It's hot, humid, smoggy and nasty. I've got some annoying errands to run, and I have to force myself to do them very soon. Already starting to panic a bit about October's rent, after just narrowly making September's rent.

I need some peace.

ugh. phone.

I have to answer the phone every time it rings this morning, which is a practice I always avoid, as I am expecting a package from my folks.

I am at the mercy of telemarketers, bill collectors, and other unpleasant sorts.

(Especially bill collectors.)

My nerves are shot to hell.

mornin, folks

This could be one heck of a day.

computer error

RAWR!