And That's Done

Met with a prospective advisor today, who has agreed to be on my committee. We have good chemistry - he is a tough guy on theory, but we think a like on a few things, and he is a good person with a fine sense of humour. He also seems pretty impressed with my buzz and my ideas, and legitimately interested in my work, too. I see good things coming from this new alliance.

Today, I finally feel like a student again. Now to completely re-write my dissertation proposal by June 8th... eeep.

Trying to Get Back into the Swim of the Lake Blogtastic

Have my brain on autopilot until it is time to give Murph a call. Travel is stressful on the soul and body. I could use a stretch out and a nap. But, in the meantime, I am wading through the 100+ blog posts I have missed out there. You all suddenly decided to get prolific on me while my back was turned, eh?

So here's something non-demanding, stolen from this guy. News from my trip tomorrow, if I can think of something that might interest you... and pics, too.

1. What is your occupation?
Grad Student.

2. What color are your socks right now?
NONE!

3. What are you listening to right now?
The bathroom fan... cars outside... isolation, if that makes a sound.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Some pizza, as the cupboard was bare.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
I cannot drive at all - does that make me a freak?

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Green. Sensible, with style - and everyone likes green.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
The pizza guy... but hubby is next.

8. How old are you today?
29. And that's the last time I will ever admit that.

9. Favorite drink:
Non alcoholic: Coffee.
alcoholic: None, really... though a Jamiesons once and a while is ok.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Show jumping, figure skating... Hockey, I guess, too; at least it's a short-ish game. ANYTHING but baseball, please.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes.

12. Any piercings?
Yes. (No details offered.)

13. Pets?
I am sort of between pets right now, as I lost mine in custody battle... though I have two step-cats in Ohio I am pretty fond of, and consider myself an auntie to two pretty adorable ferrets.

14. Favorite food?
Chick peas; celery; strawberries; mushrooms; mashed potatoes (if done right).

15. What was the last movie you watched?
Murph and I spent our last couple of hours together snuggled down in front of Over the Hedge... Couldn't really tell you what it was about, actually.

16. Favorite day of the year?
January 10th.

17. What do you do to vent anger?
I blog with fire in the belly.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My imagination (lame, but true).

19. What is your favorite fall or spring?
Fall, because it lasts longer and leads to winter, while spring seems non-existent in Onatrio and leads to the hell that is summer.

20. Hugs or kisses?
As many of either as possible if from Murph... as little as possible of both from others, thanks.

21. Cherries or Blueberry?
Cherries. Blueberries are not kind on my tummy.

22. Living arrangements?
In exile alone in Ontario for now - my heart is currently in Ohio.

23. When was the last time you cried?
This morning.

24. What is on the floor of your closet?
Boxed books.

25. What did you do last night?
Made some memories.

26. Favorite smells?
Dill pickles; fresh coffee; vanilla; Murph's shirts; blossoms on warm wind; pipe tobacco.

27. Favorite dog breed?
Jack Russell, I think... though mutts have an undeniable charm. Anything but Pomeranian.

28. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesdays.

29. How many states have you lived in?
States? Pfft! For the record, though: Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Ontario, and sorta-Ohio.

30. Favorite holiday?
Passover; Valentine's.

Tired and Travel Soiled

Am glad to be off the bus, but it is lonely and quiet here. A slight delay in Ohio pushed my plans back 12 hours, so I didn't leave until this morning. That cuts it close to a meeting I have tomorrow, but you won't hear me complain about the extra time with Murph.

Everything is lush and green here, but I really can't say I am glad to be "home." Where is that, anyway?

Sad Tuesday

Tonight I head back to Ontario. It has been a good visit, but now it is time to get back to work. The pain of leaving Murph and landing back in that isolation has soaked into my bones. I would give anything not to have to board that bus tonight.

The last hours with a loved one must be the definition of bittersweet.

Be Still My Heart

Bored and lonely while Murph naps, so I figured to catch up with this old friend. Hello, blog, what's up? Been a while. Poor thing -- you aren't used to me having other things to do, are you?

I remain news-less on the exam results front, which continues to drive me nuts. But that isn't the half of the turmoil right now. Today, I had a panic attack over the job/$$ situation this summer, with a side order of depression over no external funding (AGAIN), and a good helping of self-pity for dessert. A good sob, a long shower and a firm talking to myself seems to have buried that for now, but I still have that sick and nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach that always comes after an anxiety episode.

So, what's for this weekend? I have no clue. The last weekend before I head back into the terror and gloom that is my upcoming summer in exile... I struggle to pack all the negative feelings away for now. No sense ruining my last days with Murph -- I'll need good memories to get me through what might be coming down the pipe line.

Still No Word...

Am STILL waiting for exam results. I know it has only been just over a week, but it is still getting nerve-wracking.

Still No Word...

Am STILL waiting for exam results. I know it has only been just over a week, but it is still getting nerve-wracking. I can say that I thought the exam went ok, but it has nothing to do with how I felt. It is all about how the markers like the answers. Nevertheless, I continue as if I passed, as that is the only way to stay sane.

The exam left a mark on me, though. My energy is being restored slowly but steadily, as well as my nerves. I am so glad I was forced to bail out on that conference in Saskatoon. I didn't go because of money, but my nerves would have shattered anyway if I had tried it.

Mostly, I have been just enjoying my vacation time, hanging out with Murph and watching a few movies, and generally soaking up some "couple time" before I have to return to exile in Ontario for heaven-knows-how-long, but I have also started working towards my new dissertation proposal, exploring the wonderful world of Orientalism.

I will likely be returning to Ontario next Monday or so, so I am focusing on making the most of my limited Murph-time. Trying not to think of what it will be like to leave again, to return to my isolation again... For now, I am just happy to be here.

Reporting from Ohio...

Buffalo was everything it promised to be, with it getting off to a good start of grabbing Murph at the station with A., who stayed for lunch. It was so nice to finally get Murph acquainted with a few more of my friends from Ontario - at least this way they will start having proof he is real, and not some figment of my aging imagination.

And by aging, I mean it - it is now less than one year until my 30th birthday. Put like that, it leaves me a little speechless. Gone are the days of "mid-20s" folks, and soon even "late-20s" will follow. How did that happen?

However, my birthday was excellent. We had a good meal at a great Greek place we found in Buffalo, and generally just treated ourselves well and enjoyed being together. The next day, of course, was about 10 hours on a Greyhound to Ohio, which was less pleasant, but still ok -- we were together, so that made it grand in its way.

Now I am here for a week or so, enjoying some time with the hubby. I will try to get some work done starting tomorrow, but I still feel like I am recuperating from that exam. I do think that took a lot out of me. Here, though, the rule of thumb is sleep, strolls, movie watching, and general rest and relaxation with my favourite person.

Yesterday, I even learned a new wifely duty: I cut Murph's hair! What a brave man, considering I had never done more than buzz cut someone before. In the end, I think it turned out ok. And, if it is a bit homemade looking, at least he has a hat, right?

So all continues well in Hollyland, and I hope all is well out there. I will post some pics when I can.

Amazing Grace (2006)

I saw Amazing Grace last night for my birthday. An unusual choice, perhaps, but it was likely the best thing in the theatre at the time, and, as a bit of a liberal prig, myself, I think it was an ok choice. Dry, trite and as corny as homemade relish, this film was neither passionate nor terribly insightful. But neither was it aggravatingly bad, either.

The story of the great British anti-slavery hero William Wilberforce, this should have been exciting, or at least thought provoking. Instead, it was a shallow historical play of parliamentary struggle. In addition, it was a rather one-sided one at that -- it offered very little more than religious views against the slave trade, and only scant economic reasons for it. Oddly enough, it never, ever, touched on the subject of religious arguments for slavery, of which there were many at the time.

Nor did it make the viewer interrogate modern racism, except some attempt to refer to today's situation in the one line: "Once people stop being afraid, they will find again their compassion." Let's hope so.

However, as lack-luster as some elements of this picture were, it was not unlikeable. It is, in fact, decent -- not in the over-used quality way, but in the moral/spiritual way. Clean, though not for children (who would be bored to tears) -- really, a family film for adults/teens. It is good to see films catering to those who are a bit more squeamish about all the T&A and potty mouth around, even though it may seem boring to some of the rest of us.

The costumes were quite nice, the settings believable and the history useful (it makes for a good introduction to some of the major British players at the time). Most of the performances were adequate, though stagy, and this was one of Michael Gambon's best roles in a while.

Recommended for a time filler, but not for a memorable and turbulent thrill, that's for sure. It isn't exactly junk food for the mind... more like iceberg lettuce for the mind. Does no harm, but doesn't really nourish.

A Very Cool Thing

Something for you to peruse while I am gone:

Sustainable Building Design and Construction 2007 - Home

I Have to Say it, It's the Law...

It's Time to Shuffle Off to Buffalo!

Today I meet Murph in Buffalo for Honeymoon #2 (at this rate, we'll be up to Honeymoon #100 by our 50th anniversary, but isn't that a good thing?). Barring any border issues or bus delays, we will be reunited in just over 12 hours from now! How's THAT for a Tuesday Date Night, eh?

Now, the question is: How does one sleep when one is bouncing off the walls...?

So, I will not be posting for at least three days, as the Buffalo leg is for my birthday, and the last thing I plan on doing is blogging. After that, I will be in Ohio for a time, where there will be a comp, and I will update when I can.

In any case, wish me luck, and keep some for yourselves, folks!

PS> Had a great time out tonight for a pre-birthday celebration with some classmates. Good times. I am one happy Holly right now... knock wood.

A New Rule of the Universe

It is never too late to jinx something.

????

mud•dle

Pronunciation: (mud'l),
—v., -dled, -dling,
—n.

—v.t.
1. to mix up in a confused or bungling manner; jumble.
2. to cause to become mentally confused.
3. to cause to become confused or stupid with or as if with an intoxicating drink.
4. to make muddy or turbid, as water.
5. to mix or stir (a cocktail, chocolate, etc.).
6. Ceram.to smooth (clay) by rubbing it on glass.

I will never understand the world.

A Poem

FROM pent-up aching rivers,
From that of myself without which I were nothing,
From what I am determin'd to make illustrious, even if I stand sole among men,
From my own voice resonant, singing the phallus,
Singing the song of procreation,
Singing the need of superb children and therein superb grown people,
Singing the muscular urge and the blending,
Singing the bedfellow's song, (O resistless yearning!
O for any and each the body correlative attracting!
O for you whoever you are your correlative body!
O it, more than all else, you delighting!)
From the hungry gnaw that eats me night and day,
From native moments, from bashful pains, singing them,
Seeking something yet unfound though I have diligently sought it many a long year,
Singing the true song of the soul fitful at random,
Renascent with grossest Nature or among animals,
Of that, of them and what goes with them my poems informing,
Of the smell of apples and lemons, of the pairing of birds,
Of the wet of woods, of the lapping of waves,
Of the mad pushes of waves upon the land, I them chanting,
The overture lightly sounding, the strain anticipating,
The welcome nearness, the sight of the perfect body,
The swimmer swimming naked in the bath, or motionless on his back lying and floating,
The female form approaching, I pensive, love-flesh tremulous aching,
The divine list for myself or you or for any one making,
The face, the limbs, the index from head to foot, and what it arouses,
The mystic deliria, the madness amorous, the utter abandonment,
(Hark close and still what I now whisper to you,
I love you, O you entirely possess me,
O that you and I escape from the rest and go utterly off, free and lawless,
Two hawks in the air, two fishes swimming in the sea not more lawless than we;)
The furious storm through me careering, I passionately trembling.
The oath of the inseparableness of two together, of the woman that loves me and whom I love more than my life, that oath swearing,
(O I willingly stake all for you,
O let me be lost if it must be so!
O you and I! what is it to us what the rest do or think?
What is all else to us? only that we enjoy each other and exhaust each other if it must be so;)
From the master, the pilot I yield the vessel to,
The general commanding me, commanding all, from him permission taking,
From time the programme hastening, (I have loiter'd too long as it is,)
From sex, from the warp and from the woof,
From privacy, from frequent repinings alone,
From plenty of persons near and yet the right person not near,
From the soft sliding of hands over me and thrusting of fingers through my hair and beard,
From the long sustain'd kiss upon the mouth or bosom,
From the close pressure that makes me or any man drunk, fainting with excess,
From what the divine husband knows, from the work of fatherhood,
From exultation, victory and relief, from the bedfellow's embrace in the night,
From the act-poems of eyes, hands, hips and bosoms,
From the cling of the trembling arm,
From the bending curve and the clinch,
From side by side the pliant coverlet off-throwing,
From the one so unwilling to have me leave, and me just as unwilling to leave,
(Yet a moment O tender waiter, and I return,)
From the hour of shining stars and dropping dews,
From the night a moment I emerging flitting out,
Celebrate you act divine and you children prepared for,
And you stalwart loins.

FROM PENT-UP ACHING RIVERS
by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

Citizen of the World

Chaplin believed that borders were the bars that held even the law abiding in their prisons. Certainly, these aren't prisons in which you get a tiny cell. They, are, instead, the prison into which you are delivered as an accident of birth. You get the illusion of freedom, since your cage is so big, but there is no freedom. You will persistently be held into place and monitored by the nationalist paper-pushers who run their petty kingdoms - and in this kingdom, you are a but a serf. Try to leave your land, and you will be thrown into a stronger cage. Your invisible leash will be yanked. Then you start to realize just how illusory freedom actually is. But, by then, it is too late.

I hate the fact that that border controls so much of my fate. I hate that invisible line so much. It frustrates and taunts me over such a meaningless designation. Because of the omnipresence of the paper noose, no one is free - it is all just an illusion. Chaplin, who knew better than any one the tyranny of borders, was right; passports and visas are the greatest forms of government control over people, even those who commit no crime. If they wish you to stay when you wish to go, there is nothing you can do. You are a mere rat in their trap.

You, me, everyone - we are all powerless against the arbitrary and imaginary forces who have declared themselves rulers over us and control our movements. Sure, you are free - as long as you live where they want you to and do what they say. Well, nuts to that.

I will obey their laws, because I have to, but I do wish they would stop playing this false "freedom" game and just admit that we are all cattle who move according to their fences.

As an idealistic child, I was something of a nationalist - well, as much of a one as a Canadian can be. I still support emotional and cultural loyalty, and affection, towards one's homeland, if it deserves it. However, that kind of personal-level patriotism will occur naturally, no matter where one is. But the artificial construction of these bully-states with their phallocentric obsession with entrance and exits, penetration and being penetrated, cannot hold my loyalty as long as it interferes with my ability to lead my life in a just and considerate way.

Einstein write that patriotism was a primitive and infantile sickness that must someday bleed away, and I wish that were so. But, as the world gets more and more paranoid, the more primitive and infantile it gets, so change is unlikely to occur any time soon. Until then,I declare myself a citizen of the world, though it will not be recognized because it issues no passport and doesn't come complete with a nice, shiny ID card.

And I will continue to look out of the tiny window of my cell and wonder what life would have been like if my birth had just taken place a bit to the south... Or in a time in the future when Einstein's vision had come to fruition.

My Birthday...

This is the first year in forever that I have actually been looking forward to my birthday. Ever since that very first one, on which they tell me my older brother went to his friend's house instead and my older sister was forced to make an appearance, and then the Little Bo Peep cake gave me the runs, I have not been keen on birthdays.

Usually, they serve only to remind me of how much time is gone, and how little I have to show for it. Usually, birthdays are cause for depression rather than celebration.

But this year, I get something special. I haven't mentioned this before, as I did not want to jinx it or get my own hopes up too high, but this year's birthday will be spent in the most romantic way ever. I am having a rendezvous with a sexy, sexy man, that's what!

On Tuesday, I catch the 9.30am bus to Buffalo, NY. Murph catches the 6.30am. Our two buses both get in at 3.30pm. Then we head to the Lenox Hotel, a turn-of-the-last-century building brimming with character, for a three night second honeymoon -- at the same place we celebrated our first! May 17th, my birthday, will be spent over an intimate meal at the Blue Bonnet, a little cafe we discovered in January - the best pie and salad, ever.

How's that for excitement?

After that, we will head to Ohio for a week and a half of marital bliss in celebration of my comps being finished, and a bit of time to unwind before whatever summer holds befalls me.

I am giddy. A visit to see my beloved Murph is one thing... a romantic getaway for two is something entirely more besides!

And it's only Sunday today! Grrr. Hurry up, time!

This year, I can't wait for my birthday!

Happy Mother's Day

Called my mum today to say hello. Sure, talking to her is always a depressing and slightly aggravating experience, but she's still my mum. She was my first friend, and I love her - even when she annoys. Bless every grey hair on her head!

***

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

In Under the Wire

Recuperating from exam... sleeping... moping... cleaning.

Next up: Dissertation proposal for June. Yikes.

:-D

Done. Done. Done.

Did ok, I think.

Now sleep. And a movie. And some junk food.

Wheee!

Well, Today's the Day...

Final comp prep is done, and I write today from 9am to 5pm... wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes - count on it.

Status Update

Well, I am finally through my performance theory stuff, and now have a few more Jewish topics to review (my exam has two parts - one on Jews in North America, the other on Religion & Media), so about 10 more hours of work. That seems like a lot, but after six solid days of pounding my head against this stuff, it seems like a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

So, yes. Still nervous, and not quite sure of how this will go, and my lunch noodles are clearly over cooked, but I am ok... Hanging in there, as they say.

Oh, and thanks to everyone for the good luck emails, messages, etc. They have been a great help in the stretches of gloom.

Reality Check

OK.

It isn't 100% likely, but I could fail this exam. Honest - this isn't just false modesty. I have kind of screwed the pooch this term, and I would kind of deserve it if I did fail.

HOWEVER...

Worst come to worse, and I fail, I can re-write. Sure, it would be a crushing blow to the ego, set my degree back by about a term, and ruin some of my department's confidence in me.... But I could just work extra hard and win it back later, or at least some of it, and then just never fail anything ever again. They won't kick me out for it.

Failing a comp does not make me hopeless, doomed or a bad person. It just means I need to try harder.

It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.
It will not be the end of the world if I fail.
I will survive.

The 10th of May

Today marks four months of marriage for Murph and me... And how shall we celebrate it? On the phone, of course, but this time reviewing for my comp exam for Friday. It's not the most romantic way to go about it, maybe, but it is sweet of him to be constantly willing to help. And it certainly will be a memorable time.

It will either be the night before my doom or the night before a major milestone in my career. Stay tuned to find out which.

Now... back to performance studies and why I should care about it.

On the Bright Side...

My Advisor has decided I don't need a committee meeting this year, so that won't interfere with my Ohio plans... And I think that also means that, come Friday night after the exam, I am now in THIRD YEAR PhD. Not too shabby.

Unless, of course, I fail my comp... In which case, I don't know what that makes me... Chapter's Employee of the Month? Off to technical school of some sort, where I will be named Most Likely to Off Herself Due to Senseless Student Debts?

Let's not think of that...

I Would Sell YOUR Soul for Some Sleep Right Now

That picture? Dude actually looks better off then me right now.

Oh man. I'm hurting. I have digested four and a half books since 6am... and I have two and a half left, plus three articles. I can't sleep until I have them done, or there won't be time to get through everything by the exam on Friday - and tomorrow is the heavy day, when I tackle my performance theory and art stuff.

This is the Iron Man leg of comp exam prep, it seems, because no matter how late I am up tonight, I just have to be up by 5 or 6am tomorrow (Wednesday), or I am toast.

Grad school is hard on the body. Two hours of sleep here, a scanty meal there... lots of caffeine and enough stress to take down a buffalo. It just isn't right, people.

OK.

Enough whining.

Back to work.

Sick, Sick, Sick

What on earth? What is this video saying? If you are bullied in school, you should start an unhealthy fascination with a celebrity and become delusional, and everything will be ok? That kids that are picked on in school should be molested by porn stars as a consolation prize?

What would happen if this video was reversed? If say, Tommy Lee, who also had an amateur porn flick out there, was rolling around on a bed, shaking his undies at a freshman girl? Man... This video makes me feel nasty. Not even a shower-will-make-it-better nasty. More like "Javex and an SOS Pad" nasty.

I can't even imagine what it would take to make Paris feel clean -- but a shot of penicillin might be a good place to start.

Salt Kills

I had one of the worst experiences of my life last night - I think I was salt poisoned.

A minor accident occurred involving my lack of sleep, an over-zealous elbow when I was putting the salt into some rice soup, and improper water ratios. It tasted horrid, but as I am now down to my last three days' worth of rice, I was not in a position to complain. I found out later why my body was telling me not to eat something so awful.

Suffice it to say, that was as about as sick as I have ever been, and for a short time, as I was frantically trying to figure out what illness had all the symptoms I was suddenly experiencing, I wasn't so sure I would survive. Who knew that excessive salt can kill a person - as in, that day, not at 45 due to high blood pressure? So after downing about 6 bottles of water and inducing more vomiting to try to get it all out, I finally stopped feeling numb and dizzy. But it was touch and go for a bit, I think.

The moral of the story: No matter how poverty stricken you are, it is never cost efficient to eat something that has been rendered inedible. You pay for it in the end...

Kicking Butt and Taking Notes

Holy moly! I think I may lick this thing, yet...

Making tremendous progress in only a short time, though the going is sometimes tedious as I find a lot of notes to take as I construct hopefully-insightful answers to the practice questions and topical general essays - making rough outlines, choosing my sources from my book lists and selecting examples to prove certain points or explain certain issues. Still, I am learning a great deal, and I am beginning to think I may actually prove myself not-an-idiot with this exam.

However, before I crow too loudly, I should remind myself there is still a massive amount of work to do and a horrifyingly decreasing amount of time left in which to do it, so ONWARD AND UPWARD!

I Give Up

This comp is screwy and I don't have much to say, anyway, so I am not going to post much, just in case it won't let me post AGAIN. Just wanted to let you all know that the Big Exam is on Friday, so I can't promise regular updates, but I may post some exam bits for practice. I know you are all dying for that. In any case, I will be sure to post at least once between my exam and my departure for Ohio for my birthday.

Just bear with me, folks, while technical difficulties and time restraints run their course.

Laying Low in the Trenches

Conference went fine - not the best thing I ever did, but, as it was at 8.30 in the morning, few people were there, so it balances out. Now I intend to lay back, have some down time, read some comp books that need to go back to the library on Monday, watch a movie, and maybe hit the hay early. Lovely.

Oh, but on the bad news side, the light bulb has burnt out in my bedroom, which I haven't been sleeping in, anyway, due to the recent centipede encounter. Now I worry that the constant gloom in there will just invite the critters to take up permanent residence. So the war against insect terrorism took a hit today... but it ain't over until either I, or they, are dead.

THE BUCK STOPS HERE.

Now, on to the sacking out process...

Ahh... This Will Do Nicely...

I have returned with freshly stolen content!

• Explain what ended your last relationship? Fate.
  
• When was the last time you shaved? Shaved what?
• What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Sleeping, likely also drooling and possibly screaming.
• What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Eating a popsicle and reading TMZ for fun.
  
• Are you any good at math? Theoretical or applied?
  
• Your prom night? Was a long, long time ago.
• Do you have any famous ancestors? They tell me a couple, but my family lies for sport. I believe Patrick Pearse, though... And Abraham, I guess.
  
• Have you had to take a loan out for school? HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, my, HAVE I! The federal NDP aren't on office, yet, fella.
  
• Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile? WTF?
  
• Last thing received in the mail? Junk, pay stub, health card renewal paper work... buck-eye post card (awww).
  
• How many different beverages have you had today? Coffee, water, cola and tea.
• Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine? Sometimes.
  
• Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Does county fair count? In which case, likely Trooper, sadly.
  
• Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Who's at the beach that long? Like I want skin cancer.
  
• What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had? I had a stubborn baby tooth cut out... then my mum bought me a forbidden Coke as a treat, and it dribbled out of my mouth due to freezing. Sad day.
  
• What is out your back door? Who can afford a back door? (See loans question.)
  
• Any plans for Friday night? Write a paper for a conference I don't want to go to.
  
• Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Ocean hair stinks. And gets stiff.
  
• Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? No, but I have benefited from someone else's, and it was lovely. My birthday is on May 17th, btw... hint, hint.
  
• Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes. Lasers rock.
  
• Do you re-use towels after you shower? Yes, of course. I don't live in the Sheridan... and even then I would. Hot water for a once-used towel from someone who just showered is a waste. I'm a David Suzuki-raised kid, you know.
  
• Some things you are excited about? Not sure... ask me later.
  
• What is your favorite flavor of Jell-O? They're made with hooves, you know.
  
• Describe your keychain(s)? A Canada key chain found on the quad at Mt A, and an Ohio key chain bought on my honeymoon... like a tiny altar to the immigration-luck deities.
  
• Where do you keep your change? In my jeans, in a bowl, in a jar, in my little pouch, in my laundry fund tin, and all over my floor.
  
• When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? Frighteningly often.
  
• What kind of winter coat do you own? Black trench.
  
• What was the weather like on your graduation day? Which one? High School: Muggy and nasty.
  
• Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Open. No kids... yet.
  

Oh, and post title I wish I had thought of first? This one.

I Owe You One

I speak tomorrow at a conference I am not prepared for, just days before a I write a doctoral exam for which I am not nearly ready... Blog just plummeted in the priority list.

However, I am having a lovely red, white and blue popcicle right now, so that helps ease the pain. Yum.

A Jew's Journey into Ohio

Often, when I tell people I have connections to Ohio, even that I am merely planning to visit there, people look at me funny. When I even hint at the idea of actually moving there to live, people laugh. Why would a Jew ever move to Ohio of all places? If you threw a dart at anywhere in the continental US, you couldn't possibly hit a more white bread Mainstream-American place, right? Jews belong in NYC... possibly Long Island, or Miami or LA. Not in Ohio.

Folks are almost relieved when they hear my husband lives there, as if they are more secure having an "understandable" reason for my attachment to such a place.

Now, it is true that Ohio is Pure America. Walking around some of the smaller towns, I saw America unfold at a slow and deliberate pace. VFW halls and many churches. Old men in suspenders and tractor company hats. Kids on bikes making paper deliveries on sun-dappled afternoons. Middle-aged ladies in flowered, cotton dresses chatting under shop awnings spotted with hanging baskets of geraniums. Pickup trucks overflowing with red-faced young men with odd, hog-like expressions. American flags everywhere.

You see, I even got to see it in its full Home Front glory - MIA memorials and "Support Your Troops" banners. Bunting, even. Red, white and blue bunting. I didn't know they still made that stuff. I thought that went out with Taft's campaign.

However, it is a mistake to think of Ohio as ignorant, backwards or even non-Jewish. Though one might not suspect it, Ohio has a long and interesting Jewish history.

The settlement of Jews in America came in layers. Earlier Jewish settlers of colonial times had already established themselves in the major trading colonies of Virginia and Maryland and the Carolinas, as well as colonial New England centers like Albany, Concord and New Rochelle, and moved into the less likely areas of Kentucky and Mississippi. Certainly, in the long history of Jews in America, it is true that New York is a major cultural landmark, along with Boston, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Chicago. In the major waves of Jewish immigration at the turn of the last century, these are the places to which most Jews flocked, only turning to suburbia and the sunbelt in the post-war expansion of the 1950s.

However, Ohio, especially Cincinnati, did have a huge, and often forgotten, role in the development of American Judaism and Jewish culture.

Ohio's Jewish history started in 1817, when the British Orthodox-Jewish pioneer Joseph Jonas settled in Cincinnati. Once a peddler in Philadelphia, Jonas was impressed by what he saw as enormous opportunity in Ohio, and he began a letter writing campaign to convince Jews from England to come join him, starting with his two brothers. Jonas became a successful watchmaker, and managed to establish a thriving Jewish community in downtown Cincinnati, where they started holding regular Jewish services in 1819. Soon, he and the community purchased land for what is now known as The Old Jewish Cometary for $75. In 1824, when the required ten Jewish males could be replied upon, the original Cincinnati Jewish community started the first Jewish congregation beyond the Allegheny Mountains, named the Rockdale Temple (1824 - 1969) of K.K. Bene Israel, which was mostly comprised of British Orthodox Jews.

The second wave of Jewish immigration to Ohio came from Germany, a natural extension to Ohio's already considerable Christian German population. Mostly of the new Reform tradition, these German-speaking Jews settled in both Cincinnati and Cleveland, the latter becoming Ohio's second Jewish congregation, the Israelitish Society, in 1839, under the leadership of Bavarian Jew Simson Thorman and the Jews he managed to lure to Ohio through his own letter writing campaign back home. By 1841, another German Jewish congregation was established, this one in Cincinnati, the Bene Yeshurun congregation. By 1850, Ohio had six Jewish congregations, four in Cincinnati, and two in Cleveland, and these two cities became hubs of Jewish life for the area.

By 1880, Ohio had over 6,500 Jews, and by 1904 there were nearly 50,000, making Ohio one of the largest centers for Jewish life in the United States, after New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois and Massachusetts.

In the late 1800s, Jews formed over 1% of the total population of Ohio. 1,004 Jews from Ohio fought in the American Civil War (1861 - 1865), the largest Jewish Civil War enrollment after New York state, including one Colonial, who had, at the time of his death, been recommended for the rank of Brigadier-General. Nearly 20 of Ohio's Jews have served in the state legislature, and at least two held high office in the federal government.

By 1902, most of Ohio's major towns and cities had Jewish communities, including 12 in Cincinnati and 14 in Cleveland. In addition, there were by that time several congregations in the cities Dayton, Columbus, Akron and Toledo (site of one of the largest Jewish populations in the state), as well as thriving Jewish societies in smaller settlements such as Hamilton (Congregation B'nai Israel, est. 1866), Piqua (Anshe Emeth, est. 1858), and Youngstown (which had two congregations, as well as a Lady's Aid Society). Also, by the 1902 Jewish census, nine Zionist societies had been established in Ohio, and there were in existence at least 52 Jewish brotherhood lodges in the state.

Throughout the early history of Jewish life in Ohio, however, Cincinnati and Cleveland remained the major centers of culture, education, social safety networks and religion, as they remained the home of over two-thirds of Ohio's Jewish population.

In 1850, the Bohemia-born Rabbi Isaac Mayer Wise, now often considered a founder of American Judaism, got into a fistfight with the president of his congregation in Albany, NY. Rabbi Wise had been guilty of (or credited with, depending on your perspective) massive and swift reform of Jewish practice, including the introduction of mixed choirs into Jewish services, as well as family pews and the then-outrageous practice of counting women in the traditionally male-only Minyan. He and his supporters founded a rival synagogue in Albany, and in 1854, he was offered leadership of Bene Yeshurun congregation at the Lodge Street Temple in Cincinnati, where he established what could be considered one of the first major modern American Reform Temples in the US.

Wise served in Cincinnati for 46 years, and became a leading figure in Jewish religious and public life, representing Jews to main stream society, including in meetings with President Lincoln surrounding the infamous General Order no. 11 expulsion of Jews from Tennessee, Mississippi and Kentucky in 1862.

In 1866, Wise founded one of the grandest temples in America, the Plum Street Temple (later re-named the Isaac M. Wise Temple) at 8th and Plum, which is often cited for its architecture. The Temple (above) stands as a sort of time-capsule of German Jewish building design, made significant by the widespread destruction of most similar synagogues in Europe during World War II.

Wise would go on to establish one of the other major landmarks in Jewish American life, the oldest Jewish seminary in North America, Cincinnati's Reform-affiliated Hebrew Union College, in 1875. Before this time, congregations relied upon European-trained cantors, rabbis and teachers. The establishment of a legitimate seminary in America was one of the major benchmarks in the Jewish rootedness in the United States, and the college still trains rabbis, as well as maintains a graduate school in Jewish Studies and other disciplines, and has connections to three spin-off campuses, one in New York (1950), LA (1954) and even Jerusalem (1963).

The further establishment of such organizations as an early association for Hebrew primary education, as well as the major Reform social action league, the National Jewish Charities, solidified the importance of Cincinnati for American Jewish life. Cincinnati thus became the de facto home of Reform Judaism in America, also seeing the creation, again under Wise, of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations in 1873 (later becoming the still-important Union for Reform Judaism, now based out of New York), which acted as an association of liberal congregations in the United States and later spreading across North America. Cincinnati also became home to the Central Conference of American Rabbis in 1889, which was a professional association for ordained Reform rabbis who established informal policy on matters of religion and practice for North American Jews, as well as several European seminaries, establishing a world-wide reputation for Cincinnati's vibrant Jewish community.

Today, Cincinnati has a sizable Jewish population, which continues to change and expand as its organizations still lure Jews in to its society. Although largely considered a WASP land, Ohio has both influenced, and been influenced by, the Jews in its history. As to why people remain largely unaware of Ohio's Jewish history, I cannot say for sure. It is likely another off-shoot of the generalized "New York" assumption, a burden carried by all Jews in North America, especially those of us born in such an unlikely place as Canada.

As for me, something draws me to the place, far and beyond the need to visit there to see my husband. I chuckle at the thought, but could there possibly be a new wave of Jewish settlement in Ohio about to occur, as a Canadian Jew establishes a life and starts her own letter writing campaign to lure new Jewish life to the place?

In any case, even if I never live there in any permanent sense, I am proud to call Ohio my second home, and will continue to patiently explain to people what it is that could make a Jew feel at ease in a land such as this.

Ohio is Pure America, and some of the best America to be found. Ohio is also a part of the Jewish heritage in the New World. I don't know why the two should be mutually exclusive - is it so un-American to be Jewish? One could argue that the continued survival of an immigrant minority community is exactly what America is supposed to be about, right?

And I would be proud to be a part of that. Even if only by spreading the word about such an interesting and neglected history.

Thank You Kindly

I miss Due South. I used to love it when I was in high school; watched it every week (especially before the later-seasons' bizarre sub-plots started). I wonder to what extent, in the way that the show flattered us Canadians, images of Canadian-ness and American-ness were constructed for my generation by things like this?

A Dudley Doright who actually does do right (and who is pretty damned hot to boot), and his foul American sidekick. (What a fantasy, eh? Canada, the beaver who is anally raped by the eagle three ways from Sunday, gets to lead the Yank around...) I wonder to what extent this is the way Canada sees itself - old fashioned, corny, and wholesome, yet polite and friendly. Healthy, too.

Now, I wonder to what extent that reflects reality.

And I also wonder what it means that the show was seemingly set in a poor view of Chicago, which was reportedly 10 times worse than any place in Canada... but was filmed in Canada. The magic of the lens, I suppose.

And I laugh at the way that, back when I was watching this show, I never once suspected I'd have cause to think of what it means to be "Canadian" or "American". I guess it goes to show one never knows.

Life Ain't Bad

All is well in Hollyland. The State of the Union is good, I helped a guy today with his romantic situation, and I am listening to Mary Wells, who is simply awesome. I got through three and a half books, and an article, and I am thinking I may actually pass this doctoral exam. The weather is comfortable, and my belly is full.

Ironically, this CD case is demolished from a phone call gone sour a few months ago, in the wake of my last doctoral exam... Silly, in retrospect. Right now, I can't even really remember what I had been so upset about. But I think I will leave it cracked and shabby, as a reminder that storms do pass.

Cherish the moments of calm. They are few, but wonderful.

(And as to why the bunny picture... why not? If that didn't make you at least almost smile, you're dead. Or just bitter.)

A Bit Worried

Well, it is Tuesday again, but that doesn't mean much now that lousy bowling has come to its lousy end. However, last night Murph and I spent a a good long time on the phone - one of our best talks ever, so I feel great.

The fact that I slept in was not so great. Now I need coffee and a shower and I need to kick my ass to get a leg up on this work before I am doomed. I speak at AAR regionals on Friday, so that needs to be tied up... AND IT IS NOW MAY, so that means bad things... EEEEK... COMP EXAM... ON THE 11TH!!!!! Gonna throw up...

Oh man... All is lost.