This is a freaking long post, but it is all for the sake of recording the 2006 Canadian Federal Election… OK, if there was ever a line that makes readers hit “Next Blog” that was it. Now that we are alone, we may safely proceed.Back in the last US election, there was a phenomenon known as “Blogging the Vote.” Basically, America’s bloggers worked to track, comment upon, and impact the American presidential election. Of course, being as Bush ultimately “won” that one, it really didn’t end up working the way most bloggers had hoped (that time around), but the whole thing did start a pretty fabulous, dirty-great experiment. Can we see politics function through its voters (a la Foucault), by keeping our fingers on the blogging-pulse of Canada?
So, in pursuit of this question, with the added side-effect of giving me some fodder for my Jack Layton obsession, I spent some hours this week searching through Canadian blogs for dirt on the election. There were several trends in the way the blogs I surveyed saw the upcoming election and the men battling for the big office, so I thought I’d share them.
While there were a number of blogs that focused on the serious investigation of the Conservative platform, the majority of them actually seemed more concerned with same sex issues than with health care or any other aspect… Actually, that makes it sound a little more informed than it was. When I say “same sex,” I really mean that there were a great many blogs speculating about Stephen Harper’s… well,
proclivities, let’s say. The general idea is that no one is that bent out of shape over gay rights without having some sort of personal stake in the debate. “Where there’s smoke, there’s a flamer,” I guess.
Probably not what Harper would like to see, but that’s what he gets. However, I will defend the guy. He’s really not likely to be gay. No self-respecting gay guy would ever have such an obnoxious more-squeaky-than-squeaky-clean look on his face… Except, possibly, Sponge Bob. (Actually, you know, they
do look alike…)
Now, as to the beleaguered and tired PM, Paul Martin, the members of the blogging community that I thumbed through appear to either hate this guy, or slightly dislike him, but with large doses of pity. This hate mingled with sympathy seems to be in keeping with the general atmosphere in Canada, actually. In general, Canadians do still want to vote Martin out, but we all want to make him a cup of soup, as well. Strange, but that's what you get from the land in which giant, gooey pieces of fried dough shaped like the tails of water-going mammals are considered “comfort food,” as opposed to “heart attacks sold from questionable shacks.”
However, the big surprise of Martin’s blog image is that there appears to be a rumour that dear Paulie actually
dyed his hair
more grey, to appear wiser and more experienced than the still-chestnut Harper, and the greying but energetic (and kind of hot, in a strange way) Layton and Duceppe. Now, the fallout of the televised debates generally settled with everyone thinking Martin looked old, tired, and possibly under the spell of some life-sucking zombie vampire. If, indeed, that hair was the effect of some sort of anti-Grecian Formula, I think Martin seriously needs to consider firing his his spin doctors
and his stylists.
However, it did earn him 31 million free cups of soup, if he is ever so inclined to go door to door around the nation.
A common thing heard on the net, as well as in coffee joints and offices for that matter, is a gripe that generally reads: “Man, if only Gilles Duceppe wasn’t in the Bloc, I’d know
exactly who would get my vote!” You know what? All my love to Jack, but I agree. Gilles Duceppe is cool, witty, slightly snotty in a “Ding-
Dong!” sort of way, and is incredibly impressive. Plus, that killer blue-scarf-next-to-blue-eyes is a PR weapon that could only be defeated with the massive use of garlic and a liberal spray of silver bullets (no pun intended). And a nickel held between the knees.
If he would only run for a party that didn’t want to carve Canada up, he’d be PM of the joint. Come on, Gilles. Canada
loves you! Why don’t you return her calls?
I wish I had more to say about the smaller but interesting parties, but there really isn’t much. I found a number of people who were supporting the Greens, but they didn’t say much about why. (Suspect Green supporters were out re-charging electric mopeds instead of blogging this week.) As to the Marihuana Party blogging image, it seems the view is split. Most discussion centered around the sentiment: “Holy crap, dudes, can you
believe Canada has a marihuana-based party?” and “Man, I need a pizza, STAT.” So, really, not much to report there.
Now, saving the best for last, I found a landslide of opinion on resident cutie and the model for the Dudley Do-Right character, Jack Layton. There was significant anger towards Jack, specifically around the fact that he “betrayed” the leftists who trusted him by helping the Conservatives and the Bloc bring down the Liberal government at this particular juncture. I shared this sentiment at first, and sometimes still do, so I can understand the complaint. However, there was also a large amount of blogger support for Jack, and some good looks at the NDP platform.
But let us consider more important matters. Did you know that Jack Layton’s campaign posters handed out on campuses across Canada were “awesome” and have actually led to some cases of acquisition-obsession? Yes, indeed. It seems his posters were
so unexpectedly awesome this year that some students have actually gone into a frenzy to collect the whole set before the election campaign ends. I am seriously not making this up, people. I have not seen these posters, but I am sure they rock hard. Probably harder than even
I can imagine.
Further, a couple blogs noted the recent Democracy Project poll that found Jack to be the most popular choice for which candidate young people would like to have a beer with. An honour, to be sure, but I wonder if these kids realize the guy used to be a professor of political science. Technically, as an educator, he’s their natural enemy. I hope they don’t figure that out before Monday.
There were also a number of people who have named their new puppies Jack in the past few months, in honour of the NDP leader. (That really does fit, if you think about it.) There were also many people who felt the need to tell the world that they actually touched the man himself at some rally or another. I shook his hand in Toronto in May of 2004 (very good handshake, firm and warm, without sweat- there was some pretty thrilling palm contact, as well…
*dreamy sigh*), but you don’t hear me shouting about it, do you?
And, finally, no consideration of the situation would be complete without the very
serious question weighing on Canadian political critics today. Are you ready?
Why are there no pictures of Jack without a moustache? What does he have to hide? Does he have some sort of whisker fetish, or is it that he was born without an upper lip? Further, a question of major import, would Jack shave it off if we promised to vote for him? (This last question reminds me of those goofy elementary school principals who vow to shave their heads if the students read 300 books in 30 days or something. Is
this what Canadian politics has come down to?)
Well, it was an interesting experiment. Of course, there was also a great deal of serious, interesting, and insightful election consideration floating around on the blogs, but what fun would it be if I recorded that? Further, there is a flood of really amusing Photoshop stuff out there, and a wealth of wonderfully catchy rhetoric in the bloggosphere.
Note to Harper, Martin, and Layton: You need to hire more bloggers! (May I recommend Catherine? Or myself, for that matter?). Better than ten bottles of grey hair dye. (Just a suggestion.)
Oh, and one last thing; here’s a photo of Jack without a moustache, especially for those who demanded it. Judge for yourself why he hasn’t been without one since.
