Paranoia

I've just got to vent this paranoia.

Yesterday, at a coffee shop, I was talking with friends and said some rather biting things about R3 - I am sure I used his full name, which was stupid of me. Anyway, I have this total fear that someone in the place knew R3 and would mention it - I am fairly recognizable/describable. Also, as one fellow left the place, I swear he was giving me the dirty eyeball.

OK, so I know this is insane, but my nerves are rattled about it. I guess in my head, this eyeball guy will go and tell R3, who will be so offended that he will unleash his vindictive fury on me at defence and fail my indiscreet arse for slandering his name in a public place.

I know, I know. Crazy. But, I mean... it really could happen, couldn't it?

Argh. The sooner this is over, the better!

(The lesson in all this: Keep your trap shut.)

Party Plans

I have decided that I will host a get together to celebrate my defence, if all goes smoothly. I won't announce the party until after I find out if I passed, but I've decided to make it potluck, so pretty much anyone can come. I found a nice gazebo I can rent at a reasonable rate for an afternoon by a lake in a sizable park near campus, with playground equipment, washrooms and a concession stand nearby. Decorations will be simple and sparse, and I've planned out some basic foods and such.

I had been reluctant to do this, mainly because I am broke. However, the three successful candidates who have come before me each had something (one BBQ and two banquety-type things), and I figure I should think twice before being the tightwad who bucks the tradition. I will be only the fourth PhD minted from this program, so that would make me the odd one out if I skin-flinted out on this one.

My one concession to my poverty is to make it potluck; I am hoping people will be charitable enough to see this for what it is - someone who cannot afford to feed a troupe of people (especially people who make vastly more money than she does), but a person who does want to share some society with them at an important time in her life.

The park gazebo, of course, is essential due to the fact I live in an apartment that can barely accommodate four guests at a time.

Despite my initial reluctance, though, I find myself excited by the prospect of celebrating. I am starting to believe this is actually going to happen... and I am shocked, leery, but also really... what's the word? Happy? Proud? All of the above?

It seems like I might actually finish this damn degree after all.

And that is cause to celebrate, in my opinion.

Etiquette Question on Gifts

Is it traditional to have a small gift for your advisor for after your successful defence? (I would give it to her after the defence is all over, as long as there's no way it could look a bribe or something.)

Anyone have an opinion on this?

I was thinking of a picture frame or a nice little charm box or something. Possibly a small business card holder, since she does ethnography. Any suggestions?