Whew. That’s done. The sadistic twists over at Swank Puppy demanded a photo of me. The candid shot that I use everywhere on the net (my only computed mug shot, taken in 2004 by John’s dad in the parking lot of McMaster, and scanned in for the WLU PhD page) did not satisfy. I needed one that made me look educated, funny, sophisticated, and (get this) cool. Oh, and also looking good. Yeah. If I had to choose five descriptors for myself (and the ginormous melon on my shoulders), those would certainly be them.
No way that they could request a photo that made me look dumpy, blotchy, uncomfortable, twitchy, and goofy, huh? Oh, and with a giant head? I guess not.
Anyway, I tracked down a friend with a digital camera. (The department has one available for our use, but I was too embarrassed to request it-- with my luck I’d end up having to ask the secretary to snap some crummy headshot of me in the hallway, because I couldn’t learn how to use the timer.) However, this friend is not the sort to judge or make me feel like an idiot for wanting to commit this face to digital memory, so it was really the best option.
Though, in all honesty, it's not my face I'm worried about. It's more about the giant balloon pretending to be a head upon which the face is pinned. Yes, that is what haunts me.
However, the face is also part of the problem. Maybe if my eyes were bigger, my head wouldn't have gotten so self-important and taken over the upper-half of my body.
It would have killed my Irish ancestors to pass on their charm or tolerance for tenor-folk-singing instead of this blimp with hair…? Honestly, if I were thinner the thing would make me look like a lollie pop.
What was I saying...? Oh, yes. My portrait.
Today I got all tarted up in my ten-year-old war paint (left over from my Manson days), and tried to feel pretty. Or at least funny, sophisticated, cool, etc. I think I managed annoyed, which may come across as cool on film (I hope). We took 17 shots out in the snow and up against a brick wall… Nothing else could express my environment or future prospects so eloquently in one frame.
So it is over. I chose the least offensive handful (including one surprizingly cool Svengali-esque shot) and sent them off for people to vote on. (You will note that I am not putting them here for that… Perhaps the one thing I refuse to have displayed for public consultation. Even I have limits to my shame.)
But I got some interlibrary-loan books in this afternoon, so at least I have something in which to drown my sorrows. One thing I have learned over the years: Books don’t judge me by my cover. Or my head size.
Seriously. Does anyone know where I can find a nicely priced head corset?
4 comments:
YAY! It’s a new month. That makes five whole months without missing a day’s post (October through February). That’s 151 days (and a few more posts). It would have been more, but February is the rip-off month. (This is my 381st post since April 2005… That works out evenly, right…?)
And 47 days until this blog’s One Year mark.
Here’s to many more!
Congratulations on your mighty blogging! And both of our gigantic heads! As I mentioned before, they are so big specifically because that's what it takes to contain our ENORMOUS BRAINS.
Be proud you are not a pinhead type.
Chaplin had a large head, too. I have heard that most famous actors had large heads.
You are right. If it is not aesthetically pleasing to have large heads, that is society's fault, not mine...
Pin-headed society is just jealous of my powerful cranial presence.
Yes, size DOES matter, and they know it.
Happy birthday to David Niven, by the way.
Also, happy St. David's Day (after which David Niven was named), and a solemn and efficacious Ash Wednesday.
Does that cover everything...?
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