My Pubes Just Turned Red

Red pubes, for those who don’t know, are the stereotypical sign of the ever-virginal Star Trek nerd. A crude, but evocative, image.

We are a pretty healthy couple, John and I. One of the reasons we don’t have television is because, after nearly ten years of partnerhood, we still talk all the time. (Why have cable when you can hold six-hour conversations and not run out of things to say?) Usually our conversations dwell on memories, or news stories, or issues, or opinions, or things we are studying in school or books we are currently reading. Sometimes we chat about the weather, movies (a lot of those), or just the cat. Not always mind-blowing revelations, but good, solid talk.

Today, however, we had a long, exhaustive talk about Star Trek, particularly on how sad it was that Enterprise failed after only four seasons (when Star Trek series traditionally run seven seasons, as was the case with DS9, Voyager, and the classic Next Generation). We blame the lack of syndication and the exclusive UPN first-run contract, by the way. We expressed the opinion that Chakotay was the best first officer on a ST series ever, at least since Spock, and granted that seven years was a fine and full run-time for TNG and Voyager (both having exhausted their respective situations), but I still maintain that DS9 (though not my favourite ST series) could have gone on longer, as it was a station and more ensemble-oriented than most other ST shows. We agreed, easily, that bald Sisko was much, much more awesome than buttoned-down hirsute Sisko, and that Voyager’s Kazon were just the poor man’s Klingons. However, I think the Vidiians were awesome enemies and stand out as singular nightmares of the Delta Quadrant. And, possibly aside from McCoy, The Doctor was my all-time favourite medico. (Who else compares? Pulaski? G’dawfal Crusher?? Not even Julian tops my enjoyment of my beloved holo-doc.) And has there ever been a cooler Betazoid killer than Suder? (I would rather be locked up with him than Troi, any day, thanks.) We then compared the cool, hard-assed Bajorans of TNG with the lame ones from DS9, and then talked about how nice it would have been if Ro had been first officer on DS9 instead of Kira, whose romance with Vedek Bareil made us want to collectively yak.


So, yes. I officially have red pubes. This suspicion surfaced a couple of weeks ago when I corrected John on the warp capabilities of the Galaxy-class D-series Enterprise (NC-1701-D, to be precise) in comparison with the Intrepid-class U.S.S. Voyager (above), and it has been, sadly, confirmed today. (That is, if the Chekov test from last week didn't already give you a clue.)

However, scoff if you will, but ST has left me a happier and wiser individual. Because of The Franchise, I know never, ever to get into a shuttle with Kirk, Spock and Bones without making my will. That’s wisdom that lasts a lifetime.