We’d Like to Thank our Sponsors…

Well, it’s Friday.

Today is the day that I haul my poor, tired butt out of bed and head to campus for 8am, so I can preside as Master of Ceremonies over our cheerful little conference.

In late March. Perfect!

Exactly when students do not have the time to participate in such things.

From 8.30am to 6pm, the WLU Senate Chambers, as well as five other rooms (the numbers of which look like some weird Kabalistic curse spelling my doom if I fail to remember them all as I direct the show), will sway to the rhythm of sweaty and nervous grad and undergrad students delivering papers on everything from modern medicine’s treatment of deviance to Carrie’s curse. Yes, it promises to be quite an event.

As long as I can stay awake.

You remember that scene in which Bridget Jones has to introduce the guy who will introduce the speaker? Yes, I get to do that, too.

“Now to introduce our keynote speaker is the chair of the Religion and Culture Department and a valuable supporter of this conference -- Dr. Carol D...
Carol…”
(Clap)

(It is important so sound respectful towards the introducer, yet best friends with them at the same time. Hence the use of the full name and formal title, a phony pause, and then the informal and “warm” use of the personal name. Diplomacy is my favourite sport.)

Wonderful.

And I also have to announce the band for the evening, the name of which nobody seems to know. The best people can do is “Nick’s ex-girlfriend’s jazz band.” Is that appropriate?

And five million different wine and cheese receptions (how can you tell we are academics?), speakers, ceremonial do-dads and matters of etiquette to deal with. They are all expecting me to be funny (this is why they asked me to emcee), but I am terrified that I’ll get sudden nervous urges to yell rude things and just run away.

Oh, LORD.

We also have a list of volunteers, sponsors and assistants as long as your arm, and somehow I have to make that interesting to listen to, as I rattle them off (probably dying for a smoke and a coffee).

Oh, yes! I have certainly hit the high life, now. It’s gonna be a long, long, looooong day.

(Why, oh why, did I agree to do this…?)

I wish it were Saturday, already.