second thoughts

I was planning on going to the departmental party this afternoon, but am having serious second thoughts.

On the one hand, it would be good to do some networking and self-promotion, and let people know I am still around and nearly finished, etc. This will be the last function, I think, before I am done (I hope). Any one of these people might be a factor in me getting work some day, so I should make an effort to play nice and get a happy face next to my name in their heads.

But, there's a large problem on the other hand. I would be bringing the tot along. After a stressful week, for both of us, I am not sure it is fair to us to go through more stress. Also, given the general attitudes towards moms, and the perception that some of us can't handle our private lives and work, at the same time, going could actually be quite counter-productive. The party is being held at the president's guest house, which I am sure has lots of breakable things. Also, the chances of him tantruming are fairly significant - he is two, afterall. So, I would feel terribly under inspection at all times, especially when dealing with said inevitable tantrum. No matter how calmly I dealt with that tantrum, people who do not have kids (or who have kids but dump them on their partners) would see me as a bad mother. I might actually be cementing in their minds this image of me as a mess of a person.

Perhaps it is best just to let the notices of my defence speak for me, and not put myself out there in person.

Besides, I think we both deserve a break - go do the marketing, and get some cleaning/dishes/laundry done, and rest up for next week. Do things where people weren't scoring my performance for future job consideration.

I don't know which way to go on this.