A New Low

Depressed. Maybe it is comps, maybe the weather, maybe other things. Maybe many things. Whatever the cause, I'm down in the mouth, and my mind is working against me.

Took a shower just now - one of those "I'll wash my hair fifty times, or at least until I am more cheerful" showers. My mind wandered to the SSHRC and OGS funding applications I submitted in October, and I wondered absent-mindedly, amidst the lathering, rinsing and repeating, how the selection process was coming along. Then it occurred to me: Any day now.

If my applications make it to the government awards departments, I won't hear if I got the funding for sure until April. However, if memory serves, it is just before Christmas that the University sends out its own poison pen letters that go something like this:

We regret to inform you that, due to the uncommonly strong competition for awards, we were not able to put your application forward for SSHRC funding this year... please try again... we congratulate you on your accomplishments thus far... yadda, yadda, yadda... blah, blah, blah...

You see, the University weeds out the bad eggs and sends the government only the applications they would like to see win. In short, it is any day now that I will hear whether the University is even according me the right to actually apply for funding from the government. So, I will either be given a reprieve until Spring, or I will feel the merciless hand of rejection rip the heart out of my chest ANY STINKING DAY NOW.

I just tip-toed out into the lobby to check my mail with my hair up in a towel. The good news was that the creepy guy down the hall wasn't wandering around the public areas. The bad news is there was no letter.

Oh well. Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow my hope will die. That is soon enough.
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