But, then, don’t all good stories start that way?
Off to address a room full of undergrads hungry for advice on how to get into, and succeed at, grad school. I am under-prepared, speechwise, so I have decided to try all defense mechanisms on full blast, including a trial run for my conference war paint.
I don’t wear makeup, ever, really, but I have a need to start looking and acting like a grownup, so there is it. Shaky and unnatural, I have crud all over my eyes, mouth and face. My men’s army boots have been replaced with new girl-shoes that make my feet look strange and childlike, and I smell like vanilla. People, this is not me. I have no idea who this is, but it ain’t me. Makeup was once part of me, the Goth Me and the Drama Student Me… but this mauve and earth tone crap has never been me, and will never be me. Not even Professor Me. Makeup always signals unnatural times.
The last time I wore makeup, I think, was March of 2005. I needed some confidence to teach on, for some reason. That day ended with me being called into to the office of the department head and being told I was rejected for PhD studies. That is a nice memory, and, happily, it comes flooding back to me in all its horrid detail whenever a mascara brush approaches my face. Sweet, indeed.
There is something extra pathetic about a girl crying while wearing makeup. It is a time honoured ritual of getting dolled up only to be dashed, heart and soul. It is a million soiled prom memories, and a hundred really bad job interviews. That is the legacy I have now smeared all over my face, and the pit of my stomach is doing a jig. I can only hope that today, and certainly the conference, breaks the chain of makeup and crying.
So why do I wear it? Well, I happen to look pretty damned good…
Is it worth it? Let’s find out, shall we?
So, break a leg, me… It’s show time!
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3 comments:
Oh I bet you look like a LIVING DOLL! Besides that, I think that you could do very well as Professor Natural. You don't have to be Professor Adult Make Up if'n you don't want.
Break a leg indeed. I think I may even smear on a little makeup this coming Thursday, in your honour! ;)
Didn't break a leg, but I did sustain some nasty blisters, so that is fairly close.
Let's see what happens in Vancouver next week - maybe there there will be leg damage.
And, yes, Amanda, Prof Natural works well most of the time, but sometimes the war paint has to come out. And, yes, I did indeed look like a living doll.
Even got asked out by a former student. How's that for results??
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