Flutters. Definite flutters.
Sunday evening, after revisions and the inevitable doubts and pangs, I sent off my first “real” conference proposal. My first professional, international, non-studenty-type, completely interdisciplinary conference.
The shot that was heard around the world has rung out.
To make this application, I had to set aside my many worries and fidgets. Surprisingly, such worries did not include any of the “maybe I am not ready” or “what do I know?” variety. (It seems as if my ego may actually be catching up to my credentials, perhaps… Or maybe it was just an especially arrogant day.) There were more of the variety involving the fear of rejection and the crapulence of airports, taxis, reservations, packing, etc., all for a twenty-minute presentation!
Oh, how I long for conferences accomplished entirely via webcam!
So, now it is all up to the selection committee. It is out of my hands. I find myself less concerned about the presentation itself than by the possible success or failure of the application – the importance is in the CV note, not in the doing, sadly. If it is no, then other plans must be pursued.
If yes, then I may actually have some, slight glimmer of hope for SSHRC & OGS season (for which I have just begun my application… and for which I am trying not to hope, with all my heart).
Wish me luck!
Sunday evening, after revisions and the inevitable doubts and pangs, I sent off my first “real” conference proposal. My first professional, international, non-studenty-type, completely interdisciplinary conference.
The shot that was heard around the world has rung out.
To make this application, I had to set aside my many worries and fidgets. Surprisingly, such worries did not include any of the “maybe I am not ready” or “what do I know?” variety. (It seems as if my ego may actually be catching up to my credentials, perhaps… Or maybe it was just an especially arrogant day.) There were more of the variety involving the fear of rejection and the crapulence of airports, taxis, reservations, packing, etc., all for a twenty-minute presentation!
Oh, how I long for conferences accomplished entirely via webcam!
So, now it is all up to the selection committee. It is out of my hands. I find myself less concerned about the presentation itself than by the possible success or failure of the application – the importance is in the CV note, not in the doing, sadly. If it is no, then other plans must be pursued.
If yes, then I may actually have some, slight glimmer of hope for SSHRC & OGS season (for which I have just begun my application… and for which I am trying not to hope, with all my heart).
Wish me luck!
(I assume that the fact that I have been hyperventilating since sending it off is entirely unconnected, and does not reflect any loss of that beautiful confidence experienced earlier…)
2 comments:
Good luck.
Thanks - I am sure I will let everyone know the outcome, good or bad, for, in the end, blogging is cheaper than therapy and more convenient than committing myself.
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