This, I Didn't Need

I had to go into campus today - I had no choice.

There, I ran into a colleague who I like a lot, but who today got me talking on subjects that push all my fear buttons: career, comps, funding problems. My gut started to eat itself, and all I could think of was getting away and hiding. Is it any wonder I am isolating myself more and more these days?

Campus means people; people means talk; talk means panic. Best to hide, lest my anxiety overwhelm me for good.

In my panic, I even threw away my Tim's cup before I could even check to see if I won anything. What if it had been the $1000? I can only shudder to think of that.

So, I have been trying to give myself a pep talk to keep from dropping out of school right now. It is working slightly. My mindset is improving as I get re-adjusted to my den of solitude. Here no one makes me feel small or broke or doomed. Here, I can just insulate myself against any financial or academic horrors that lie in wait over the next couple of months.

But what a waste of a perfectly lovely spring day.

Bummer.

3 o'clock UPDATE: Some pasta and tea has calmed my nerves, as well as a boat load of research into external funding options, and some tasks I have been meaning to clear up. Nothing solves anxiety over school like just getting down to work. I can do this. I know I can.