I am lonely, and panicky. I am panicking. What have I done to my school career? I used to be really good at it. Now I can feel it all slipping away. Man, I suck.
I don't want to work on my external scholarship applications. I know I won't get one anything from it (again), even though EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN MY COHORT HAS ONE. So what's the point? Another year of humiliation? Why even try? Academics could have a swimsuit competition, and I wouldn't be less disgraced as these forking things make me feel. I don't know if I can handle it again. I feel like the department has given up on me, and that's why I am never allowed through in these money grabs. If they know I suck so badly, why don't they just kick me out and put me out of my misery? Is it because someone always needs to be the dud and in this group it's me? Or are they waiting to see if I drop out first?
Why do I have to be so bargain basement in everything I do?
OK, now I'm depressed, too.
Best eat. Maybe things will look brighter after that.
2 comments:
Grab the bull by the horns!
It's turning around for me.
Post a Comment